You want love poems written
On flotsam, black-eyed at 2am,
Flitting out of me, song rippled
Driftwood of my being bewitched
By you, forever and everything.
You think I should write torrents
Of heartbroken bile in fallow rants
Like I am on some sickbed and sorry,
On a drip leaking loss from tubes,
You want my dying metaphors.
You turn uneasy on it in bed
Next to me, in depth stir paranoia,
Trying to fathom why I can’t
Stretch my hungry words to you,
Over-analysing why I won’t.
Comments
Ewan | May 7, 2008 - 07:38
A poem with one of my favourite words as its title.
Three distinct verses with discrete images tied to each...
Lovely turns of phrase, as always, I found
'....love poems written
On flotsam,'
'Of heartbroken bile in fallow rants'
particularly effective.
The last three lines are excellent.
'It's not about you' summed up in three stanzas.
Very good
Ewan.
sunshine | May 7, 2008 - 18:02
Ewan nailed it with his critique - I love this evocation of that let me be moment which occurs in any relationship.
Alaw | May 7, 2008 - 21:21
Really excellent - sums up that point we all get to. I particularly like the first stanza and the 'dying metaphors'. Just wondered, why are the words hungry?
Doeslittle | May 7, 2008 - 22:36
Well, Alaw, I think I meant that sometimes words rampage out over thoughts or ideas that swim around my head as though they're hungry and eating them up. Something like that. If that makes any remote sense in the cold light of day? Thanks for commenting. :)
anipani | May 9, 2008 - 11:27
loved this one too! So hard to love someone the way they want to be loved, I know! In remaining true tomyown feelings, I constantly disappoint my beloved! |It's not that I don't love him, just that my brand tastes differnt to his, oh well, we'll keep mixing it up1
anipani | May 9, 2008 - 11:27
loved this one too! So hard to love someone the way they want to be loved, I know! In remaining true tomyown feelings, I constantly disappoint my beloved! |It's not that I don't love him, just that my brand tastes differnt to his, oh well, we'll keep mixing it up1
Doeslittle | May 9, 2008 - 17:12
Thanks for all your comments anipani. All very kind. Up until a few months ago I never really let anyone read my poems, mostly due to their lack of interest or even worse the criticism that they made no sense, but a friend suggested this site and it has shown me how satisfying it can be to let other people read them. (People who like reading poetry helps!) It has boosted my confidence in writing a lot and that they make sense (most of the time). So thanks again for the encouragement. :)