Narcissus

Excellent. Really like the subject! wondering why you wanted no 'the' for objects until 'the current rising' and i think i understand...*ding* ...no A for Dark shadow works for me too! like this one poem lots!

Deep, Lovely writing, or some reason (I know not why) it put me in mind of Roger Waters, Perfect Sense, which is one of my favourite pieces of writing.

I like the way you snuck in a rhyme.

Rich stuff - I can picture him there, looking at himself. The last line, for me, puts an exclamation on his arrogance.

Thank you. I like to slip in a rhyme every now and then.

I may change the line 'seen and not daunted' a little without messing with the rhyme. No one has commented on it, but I don't like the line rhythmically.

Very nice. You can really feel the weird eroticism of his self love. I especially like the shadow lounging in the deep blacks of his eyes.

What about 'seen, not daunted'?

A good idea...why didn't I think of that. Thank you.

Clever and compelling. I've re-read this several times and the rhythm pulls me in more and more.