She died on a trolley
Next to the recycling bin.
I waited by the greeting grunts
Of electric blue eye shadow
At plastic, sweeping reception,
A sister, although not my sister at all
And she made this very clear,
Lunged me towards a waiting room,
Where I waited, wondering if this was it,
How things were now –
We are reduced to saving ourselves
Only from ourselves.
Then I waited with a cigarette
By the human refuse skips
Tucked neatly around
The side, skull and crossbones
Amidst the graffiti, got a light off a slick porter
As he texted, speechless and furiously,
His dawn face green under-lit by phone.
I gel washed my hands under the notice
About infection and its consequences
In the corridor, on the lino,
When I turned and saw her,
I suppose I was meant
To be waiting for them to shift her
Into a quiet room with a window, to seem as if
She
Hadn’t, in fact,
She
Hadn’t, after all,
Died on some trolley
Next to a recycling bin.
Comments
jennifer | May 14, 2008 - 22:11
I particularly like the repetition of the single 'she' towards the end - this stiltedness conveys the disbelief exactly, like an emotional pinprick.
Not so sure about the 'We are reduced to saving ourselves / Only from ourselves.' line because (if you understand what I'm getting at) it's a little too poetical for such a gritty, reality-study poem.
I think.
Doeslittle | May 14, 2008 - 22:18
You could be right. I quite like it there though. However, that could well be because it was the line that inspired the poem...which is not a good enough reason for keeping it if it jars. I will give it some thought and return to it.
Ewan | May 15, 2008 - 07:39
I don't think there's too much of a problem with this poetical intrusion, perhaps it needs to be at a pivotal point in the poem. And I would argue that it is.
The contrast with the grit and realism is something that I like about the line.
Still, Jennifer has a point that perhaps the authorial presence as poet is too overt in this line.
Me, I would leave it in... but what do I know?
regards Ewan
sunshine | May 15, 2008 - 12:06
to add to the debate above I'd leave these lines in too - it does kind of change the pace but in my view this helps ensure the focus is partly on the author as well as the deceased. All in all you've captured the bleakness of the experience really well.