He lies back and strands his broad feet
Out of the open car window, hard
Soles bared brazen to the sun, fat toes
Like chipolatas wriggle rhythmically
As if they are imagining some tune:
A tune to doze by, stomach oppressed
Cement mixing the dough and bacon
Sludge that now flunks the belly as a stone,
He folds his arms behind his head and
Scratches before settling, he’s stretched
Like a musical note twanged into the lotus
Position, he eases into himself like an armchair
Of belonging; his lunchtimes are idle songs
Of parking up the same side street and hanging
Out his heels as evidence for the prosecution.
Comments
jennifer | July 1, 2008 - 09:47
Just hilarious, so well observed.
Love these lines:
'Soles bared brazen to the sun, fat toes
Like chipolatas wriggle rhythmically'
and
'his lunchtimes are idle songs
Of parking up the same side street'
Ewan | July 1, 2008 - 10:33
Wryly funny, full of your usual tangible images (like the first two lines quoted above, actually)- it's a great gift to capture something so prosaic as the lunchtime dozing of a builder in poetry.
I am intrigued by :
'Cement mixing the dough and bacon
Sludge that now flunks the belly as a stone,'
Very well done this.
Regards
Ewan
Doeslittle | July 1, 2008 - 20:25
Thank you. I like the idea of him there and the only real parts of him that I see are his giant feet waving out a window.
keleph | July 1, 2008 - 21:12
This is really sweet. One of those simple little moments you think are easy to capture but can be so difficult. I think its about choosing the correct characteristics and you've done it beautifully here.
Dynamaso | July 2, 2008 - 00:01
Can't really add anything more than has been said above. You have a great eye for the details most would miss.
niki72 | July 6, 2008 - 18:12
Loved this. Could completely visualise it- especially 'Cement mixing the dough and bacon, Sludge that now flunks the belly like a stone'.
Maybe it's because I've just had Sunday lunch...