Some Men You Just Can't Reach

Well, okayyy... some great stuff in here 'fight the surrender' for example. Clever insertion of spammed, vista, apple after setting us up with boot reboot etc. Relationship breakdown as techno-failure...
I get the feeling though that you started from the the film quote and worked backwards. For me, personally, and others will disagree, I'm sure, it's such an iconic (ha there's one you missed :-))
film that the sound of - not Newman's - but Strother Martin's voice overpowers your excellent imagery. Do you see what I mean?

Great writing though, as usual.

Yes, but Newman did say it - he repeated the line sarcastically back to Strother Martin when he was backed into a corner. The film popped into my head about half way through as opposed to working backwards, but like most of my stuff the last couple of weeks, it's a bit hit and miss really.

Yes, Newman did say it back at him at the end, just Martin's accent sticks in my mind more. So of course that is all about me and doesn't say anything about your poem at all, just my reaction to it. Which is positive, by the way.

There is nothing hit and miss about this poem or your others.

oops wrong button! Doh!

If I can intervene here, a bit like a really irritating cocktail party interloper, perhaps, but my feeling is that the poem has everything and then some. I think if one edited out the 'then some', it would work a treat. I know because I had a go at doing this on my computer with this poem just now and it works a treat (for me at least). I'd paste it in here now, but I fear that would be badly against etiquette and my computer just blew up.

That's ok Ewan, I didn't think you were making a negative comment and am always open to criticism anyway. Thanks for saying my poems aren't hit and miss, but I'm not used to having them read, it's a bit of a novelty...I tend to judge their merits by their reception on here which is ok - sometimes they work, sometimes they don't!

Animan - Either I'm too tired to understand your seemingly cryptic comment or you really are at a cocktail party! ;)

Oh!!!! Yes I am too tired...I just understood your comment. Well, I don't know what the etiquette is, such things don't really concern me. I'm sure it needs editing and when I can be arsed I may well do that. (I'm having a bad day, can you tell??) Make some editing suggestions if you get a chance and I'll have a go at it, but would rather do it myself then it still feels like it's mine. Now that I understand your comment...it's actually a very amusing one. I'm a dunce! :)

Hey, Doeslittle, we all feel a little under appreciated sometimes. What this site does for me is enable me to step back from my own work. I'm trying to say that someimes I ask myself, how come no one liked/commented on/gave triple-bunched cherries to that one? Often the answer - especially if someone did offer crit- is obvious, less often it isn't, but who is to say that silence isn't the best critic?

Stay upbeat, you are a really good writer: have a look at your hit rate for cherries; check out your number of reads, count your comments, treat them like blessings.

Regards to you,
Ewan

Ok, I could be arsed. Have edited. Am going to stop making comments on my own poem now...

Oh dear...I have just read your last comment Ewan! I don't feel unappreciated...maybe misunderstood now though! I meant as a newbie to having my poems read it's an interesting feeling finding out what people think of them and also that I find it quite a good way of either getting crit even if the crit is silence. It's lovely to get comments and advice and cherries, but I'm not upset by silence. When I said I'd had a bad day I meant crap commute to work, crap day at work, crap commute home - including oyster card rubbers who screw up the machines. They enrage me. I came home foul tempered, but not due to lack of praise. Thanks for being so reassuring though, very kind. I'm very grateful when anyone takes the time to comment on my poems...

I may have to take this poem down due to overcommenting. It's now slightly embarrassing.

Doeslittle - Don't do that. This is much more real than loads of poetry - plus, remember the title of your poem , and the final quote. And look at all of this! If you want to see embarrassing, look at my general discussion thread!!!! (Sorry about the commute and work and that stuff - though.)
Ewan, me ol' hearty - if there is anything of yours you want a comment on, then give me the wink - I'll do me level best.

Okay, I'll retreat into the cocktail party shadows now and leave things to carry on ... promise. I'm sure things'll look a lot brighter in the morning. Personalement, je ne regrette rien, as piaf might have said, pert-etre!

Never seen Cool Hand Luke

And here I was thinking you were a fellow Guns n' Roses fan!