Venus In Bed

Brilliant. I thought luminous loins and pale, glass neck were particularly excellent.

An unappreciated Venus perhaps? Very sensual imagery. I might look for an alternative to 'sensually' after the thumbing Austen line, although I can't suggest one off the top of my head. Very nice poem.

lovely images, ennui of life, lovely.

perhaps 'seductively ' is the word Ewan?

this has to be my favourite of your poems, Doeslittle. all through the beautifuly suggestive lines i was expecting some kind of twist, but only when i finished did the true nature of the poem resonate, a superb interweave of romance and real life.

loved it, thanks.

Ah thanks, Keleph. I have noticed by the way that you and LOTO seem to be very quiet on the poem front these days...this means I can't make annoying comments. Please rectify this. ;)

I have changed the lines now...as Ewan was right, it was a kind of obvious word to use for the poem as a whole and didn't work in that line.

She is an unappreciated Venus, yes, I think.

Deserved cherry, this poem is still whizzing around in my head. I'm messing about with some stuff but I don't feel "right" at the moment. I don't have that spark that makes me grab a pen and paper and write. But reading great work like this definitely helps spur me on.

Yep, a radical change and infinitely better: well deserving of its fruity appendage.

thanks Doeslittle, that was a good comment but i didnt like the word "rectify". i cant say why... it just didnt feel right. ;)
just kidding, i look forward to your comments when i write something but right now... thoughts are just mulling along nicely...

Love this poem. Especially the final line 'Peel back the night'. Am off to eat marshmallows immediately.

love the notion and sound of the 'dissembling luminous loins' and the whole paints the picture so well.