Forest is like a knot tied in the universe,
The way laid out like a whisper
To follow, all senses peaking with tension,
Swoosh of leaf and bush; homing and guiding,
Tracking eager fleet sleek and
Stealth flattened with the path,
Evening flecked with blacker
Shadows under the trees, nose
Twitching follows steps trace,
she
Snaps twigs kick-trips stones jumps,
Freezes,
but ahead now plotting,
Manifesting a scene, swifter-
Footed sure,
she shields nerves
Like pins pulls plum-red hood
Tighter across intuition: don’t
Go in,
pulling on mask of age
And manipulation of ears,
Eyes, teeth, bare them, Flesh
She opens roselip buds screams,
Wrenching gut down suffocating
Cries until discovery,
vanquish
And delve into the belly of disgust
To find that innocence is preserved,
Restored,despite no mercy this cloak
And basket of duty is recollected
As morbid testimony for telling tales
At the bedtimes of legend.
Comments
Doeslittle | April 4, 2008 - 23:04
I wanted the first two lines and last seven in italics as narrator and I can't get it to do it - anyone know how? Also the lines are supposed to start beneath the line breaks when they divide, but it just shoves it back to the start of the line again. Anyone know how to solve this too??
Foster | April 5, 2008 - 21:59
Excellent, DL. Great rythm to this one, and I'm glad to see you got the italics worked out - all the better to...(do I smell a wolf?)
My crit: The first line doesn't make sense to me.
Doeslittle | April 5, 2008 - 22:54
A very kind person gave me italics aid.
What big...? Yes, you smell a wolf in grandma's clothing.
Your crit: I meant to imply the forest of the fairytale being a skewed universe in itself - or something along those lines. Will rethink though if it makes no sense. Thanks for saying so.
Doeslittle | April 6, 2008 - 00:36
I changed the first couple of lines - hope it makes more sense. I did like the word 'rimpling' though...
Kropotkin38 | April 6, 2008 - 11:25
I really like this & whatever the old start was, the new one is great. This is rich and moist like the woodland setting, or like a dark brown fruitcake.