I tried to stay away but at the rehearsal for the village panto he was there.
“I’ll be the back of the cow,” he said, “you be the front.”
It was only unzipping myself from the costume after that I saw my girlfriend. As soon as she saw the neighbour appearing behind me, she knew.
I told her that if she paid more attention to my arse it wouldn’t have happened. I took pictures of my mates’ arses to prove a point. I spread them across the coffee table.
“Go on, which one is mine?”
She looked for ages before choosing. “This one,” she said. “It’s perfect.”
“That’s Steve’s,” I said.
Later that week I was away with the football team. As it happened I was sharing a room with Steve. After the game we raided the minibar and I told him all about it.
“What this baby?” he said pulling down his shorts and slapping a cheek.
“Over here mate,” I said, “on the head.”
I meant it as a joke but he was right in there.
“You can stay there while I watch Match of the Day if you want?” he said.
My answer was, at best, muffled.

Comments
Ewan | December 10, 2007 - 20:36
Very, very funny. And seasonal too!
drew_gummerson | December 10, 2007 - 20:49
I've just written two more!
markbrown | December 10, 2007 - 22:11
Oh.