As I get older,
I find myself less inclined
to any grace and tolerance
towards those
who show none for others.
I teeter-totter on the edge,
berating lack-of-indicators,
swearing at pedestrian-ignorers,
fist-waving mobile phone drivers,
and large battering-pram walkers.
As I get older,
I find myself more justified
in my personal ire
towards those
who engender stupidity.
I swing back and forth,
verbally menacing bible-bashers,
stultifying narrow-minders,
vituperating rude-schoolers
and selfish egress blockers.
As I get older,
I find myself more angered
by my lack of control
towards those
who exhibit none of their own.
I spin around-about,
castigating queue jumpers,
remonstrating rude servers,
before profusely apologising
and leaving embarrassed.
As I dizzily stagger
from one day to the next;
from one rage to the next;
I am grateful for my passion,
regardless of where its directed.
Comments
jennifer | June 11, 2008 - 07:15
Wonderfully vehement!
However, chill out! You must let the world drift by, and try not to get incensed by it!
'I am grateful for my passion,
regardless of where its directed.'
= so true, and pour it into poetry like this, because you really are rather good at it!
One thing:
'I find myself less inclined
to grace and tolerance...'
Not sure about the 'to' here, but no idea what to put instead...
Dynamaso | June 11, 2008 - 07:36
Hahahaha... I'm really not at all like this. I do actually use poetry and creative writing to vent. I'm not the sort of person who loses my temper easily. Life is too short to be bitter and twisted.
Those people I mentioned, though, really do annoy me at times but I'm sure they annoy everyone.
As for your suggestion, well, I'm not too sure myself. Maybe I could change it to:
'I find myself less inclined
to extend grace and tolerance...'
Do you think that would do the trick?
Thanks again for both reading and the advice.
Ewan | June 11, 2008 - 13:10
A very nice poem indeed. I like a good vent in writing myself, all that suppression it seems is productive, at least regarding quantity, for me.
Reference your discussion above: I agree with Jen that the line needs something, but I'm not keen on 'extend' (sorry Jen!). I think something like
'I find myself less inclined
to any grace or tolerance'
regards
Ewan
jennifer | June 11, 2008 - 15:29
I agree with Ewan! (and I didn't suggest 'extend')!
Ewan | June 11, 2008 - 18:06
Ooops! Apologetic red face for Jen and Dynamaso.
sunshine | June 11, 2008 - 19:37
I like this expression of grumpiness and intolerance too - mmm wonder if that means I totally identify with it. As to the ending how about 'toward', extending the word which offends rather than adjusting those it links with? And......another slight nit pick in the 3rd stanza you claim justification for being annoyed but later are annoyed by lack of control (in showing annoyance). Ok, I am too picky as this makes no difference to the real quality of the poem. Margot
Dynamaso | June 11, 2008 - 23:30
Ewan, 'extend' isn't right, I agree. The problem with self-editing, as I'm sure you're aware, is the inability the writer has to see past his or her original thoughts. I really like your suggestion and have changed the line accordingly. Thanks very much for this and for your comments.
Margot, first of all, I'm very pleased to meet you and my name is Mark :). As to you spotting the contradiction, I actually saw it but thought it might add weight to the confusion these emotions have me feeling. I hope it doesn't confuse the reader too much, though. Thanks again for your considered comments.