She wished it so hard,
she disappeared
without a trace;
emptied her space.
We went to dance
and when we returned
she was gone;
she was gone.
We looked everywhere;
we called the police.
They filed a report;
a photo was sought.
She didn’t leave clues,
she just wasn’t there;
she was gone;
she was gone.
But the band played on
and we danced ‘til dawn
by the light of the moon,
even though it was June;
the evening was warm
and the band played on.
She never appeared,
and despite the reward,
no one was caught;
her mum's still distraught.
Posters went up
all around town
but she was gone;
she was gone.
There was no sign,
only fading memories.
It was as though
she was a ghost.
We cried at her grave
that never was filled;
she was gone;
she was gone.
Still the band played on
and we danced ‘til dawn
by the light of the moon,
to old fashioned tunes;
we felt so young
as the band played on.
Comments
Silver Spun Sand | April 9, 2009 - 07:30
Oh, this is so sad, Dynamaso and yet, readig it, I got swept along with the lilting, waltz-like feel to it. Great song that- 'The Band Played On'and great poem too. Enjoyed:-)
Tina
Ewan | April 9, 2009 - 07:38
Is it a typo 'so the band play on'? You have a tense conflict with 'the night was warm': same thing with 'the Mother's distraught'= the mother is distraught, that one won't be such a simple fix, unfortunately.
Tina is absolutely right about the lilting, waltz-time rhythm to it. Very nice.
Dynamaso | April 9, 2009 - 11:18
Thanks Tina. I'm glad you enjoyed this and pleased you got swept along with the rhythm of it.
Ewan, you are right about the typo. It should have been 'and' rather than 'so'. The big problem is with the other point, though. I'm not quite sure what to do there. Have made a change to it. Let me know if you think it scans better now. And thanks very much for pointing out these problems to me. Much appreciated.
Ewan | April 9, 2009 - 12:31
If you're not happy about the syllable count/scansion - miss out "her"?
Still not quite sure if it shouldn't be 'band played on'. Why not try 'let the band play on' with a colon after 'warm'?
It still has that 123-123 rhythm, anyway.
Dynamaso | April 9, 2009 - 12:59
I thought about dropping it but like it as is. As for 'play', well I had a completely dim moment (or three) and missed it. I think this is much better now for your advice. Thanks very much, I appreciate it.
MistakenMagic | April 11, 2009 - 16:23
This is brilliant Dynamaso - such great rhythm and the repetition of 'she was gone' really adds to the ominous feel of the piece! Excellent ;)
Magic xxx
Dynamaso | April 11, 2009 - 23:18
Thanks Magic. The music for this is really coming together now. All I have to do is find the right voice.
Dynamaso | April 13, 2009 - 05:20
Thanks to the cherry giver. I dedicate this one to Ewan for his advice and encouragement. Thanks again. :)
Nathan Bednarek | April 14, 2009 - 16:27
I love how the language of this poem reflects the fact that it talks about a band.
The lines in this poem remind me of the Beatles. Well done on the cherry.
Nathan.
Dynamaso | April 15, 2009 - 00:19
Thanks very much Nathan. Glad you liked this.
threeleafshamrock | April 15, 2009 - 17:25
Great work mate; sad, touching and memorable! Congrats on the cherry.
Chris
Dynamaso | April 16, 2009 - 00:02
Chris, thanks very much. Hoping to have the music for this recorded over the coming weekend.
pikeruk | April 17, 2009 - 09:16
"..emptied her space."...
An excellent phrase - just thinking about it evokes sad pictures in my mind. I liked the poem. Thanks for showing it to us.
Dynamaso | April 20, 2009 - 00:12
Pikeruk, thank you for reading this. I'm pleased you liked it.
shoebox | May 6, 2009 - 02:52
I liked it too. It's waltzy indeed. Makes me think of Poe a bit. Does that make sense? Annabelle Lee fashion? :)
Dynamaso | June 6, 2009 - 00:20
Thanks very much Shoebox. I'm a fan of Poe's work so I like to think he might like this as well.