We are the dark unpleasant,
we are the creep and crawl;
we are the shadow of shadows,
we are the end of it all.
The damned weather had become more unpredictable, despite all the climate change naysayers. Dugald heard the wind pick up. Then the balcony door banged and he sighed as he got out of bed to go shut it. Maggs didn’t move but she could sleep through an earthquake.
It was colder than he thought and an involuntary shiver shook him. Summer had definitely retreated as the air had a real nip to it. The house was very dark but he moved through it easily, confident he wouldn’t run into or step on anything.
He caught the door just before it slammed again and gently closed it instead. Then he stood in the dark, admiring the view he loved so much. He looked down to the docks and clear across the valley on the right. To the left, he could make out the Esplanade and the ocean beyond; waves frosted with street lights reflections.
In front, Ferguson Road ran from the distant docks to the beach. A large container ship push out through the heads, bound for some distant port. There was a time he thought he might join the navy and see the world but ended up going in a different direction.
A late bus pulled itself along Ferguson, heading to the terminus at the beach. It had started to rain, thick and inky in the moonless night. Dark shadows ducked and weaved in the sky. At first he thought these were birds or maybe fruit bats, disturbed by the wind and rain.
A number of these swooped down on the bus. It went off course and crashed heavily into some parked cars. The driver and a passenger appeared and started running away up the road.
More shadows detached from the night sky and went after them. Unsure of what he was seeing, he watched as the shadows caught the running figures. He thought he heard a scream before the wind cancelled it out. He stood frozen as more shadows broke off from the dark sky and fell on the homes below. A fear unlike anything else he’d experienced forced him into action.
He made sure the door was locked before going to Maggs. He wanted to kiss her and tell her how much he loved her, even if it meant waking her up. But as he turned away, the balcony door rattled and flew open. A cold darkness reached out but when it touched him, it burnt like a thousand suns. For the first and last time in his life, Dugald screamed.

Comments
oldpesky | May 13, 2011 - 09:07
Well, you have me wondering what happens next, which is what page turners are all about.
Small niggle - you use 'he could' three times in three sentences and it sounds too repetitive. Try to lose them. Plus, you use 'he watched' a few times. You could lose them without weakening the image. For example -
'He watched a large container ship push out through the heads'
A large container ship pushed out through the heads.
We as readers already know it is he who is seeing events unfold
These are, of course, minor style issues that don't affect the plot and are a matter of personal taste.
Looking forward to the next part.
maisie | May 13, 2011 - 15:43
umm lots of threads emerging and he can scream!
Dynamaso | May 15, 2011 - 02:28
Oldpesky, thank you very much for your sage advice. I rushed this out without giving it so much as a second glance. When I find the time, I intend going back and making some edits but at the moment have to leave it as it is...
Dynamaso | May 15, 2011 - 02:29
Oldpesky, thank you very much for your sage advice. I rushed this out without giving it so much as a second glance. When I find the time, I intend going back and making some edits but at the moment have to leave it as it is...
Dynamaso | May 23, 2011 - 07:27
Maisie, yes there are a number of threads but I'm still deciding which ones to follow.