You are on the other side of the log filled river,
slowed here to a log filled lake; too wide to hear entreaties
I want you but we have no bridge and if we had,
you would be gone by the time I found it.
We must not take our eyes off each other.
Must keep our eyes on the prey.
But which of us is prey?
Or at least not just.
A log filled river centre is no place to flourish,
and halfway is not an option.
I will cross over and bring you back.
Think of them as floating stepping stones I mime,
We will be weightless, agile, feather touching for balance only,
our weight elsewhere before it’s noticed.
I learn to keep away from log ends,
that middles are best, and
to spread my feet over the core,
everything to prevent rolling,
I go with the bounce,
Learn to sky hook with confidence over a risked lower quarter,
But follow with a safer middle-ish, then a near miss when my foot foolishly briefly straddled two,
but I compensate like a ballet dancer when his partner hesitates and the next beauty manages me perfectly.
Was I concentrating too much, looking down too well, not enough time focused on you?
Or was it my noisy breathing that scared you away,
the intensity of my story that made you lose interest?
Or could you already see that walking on logs was too hard too dangerous for the limited reward that was on offer?
Comments
eamon | January 22, 2012 - 21:13
I would be grateful for any comments on Rolling Logs, or if you can help me make it work better. I don't write poetry, and wanted to try my hand. So i will not take it personally if you think it's rubbish.
Stan | January 22, 2012 - 22:28
For someone who doesn't write poetry, you've written one humdinger of a poem, Eamon. As I read it, I was thinking what a perfect metaphor it is for the writer/reader relationship.
I'm not much good at criticism, but I'd say this is about pitch-perfect. There's an authority in the pace, tone and vocabulary that says to me you know exactly what you're doing.
Well done.
...and I enjoyed your reading the other night. Sorry I didn't get chance to say.
eamon | January 23, 2012 - 08:16
Stan, thank you for such a glowing reaction. It was inspired by the difficulties i am having with the novel i am writing, particularly the timing of the release of information. Too much too soon or too little too late.
I enjoyed your extract the other night. I suspect i would find your task utterly daunting and i think you are very brave. The day to day structure seems potentially treacherous to me, but the extract you read was captivating and moving. I totally believed it.
Well done (doing) to you too.
Stan | January 23, 2012 - 10:29
I know that feeling, too. I've just finished the 2nd draft and have printed it off. I need a bit of distance, I think, to be objective about it and see where I put stuff in too early or too late. Always a tough challenge. I wish you well with it.