I long to go down on you
Like a setting sun
Burying the earth in slow light
I want your legs wrapped
Around my head like dreams
Stifling my sleep
I need to feel your love
That an empire of words
Could not command
The frailty of my heart
Beats languorously beside
Your ghost in the room
Comments
jennifer | November 12, 2008 - 06:48
This is so beautiful and passionate.
However, the punctuation interferes with the sense - the comma should fall between 'dreams' and 'stifling' in the 2nd stanza, rather than where it is, and the placing of the comma after 'heart' connects that line to the last line of the 3rd stanza, rendering the 'beats..' nonsensical. 'which beats' would work with this punctuation, or if you use a semicolon after 'heart', you could put 'it beats'
My favourite line is 'burying the earth in slow light' - superb image.
J x
Bradene | November 12, 2008 - 12:09
Very erotic and romantic imagery. Beautifully written, much enjoyed. Val
Macjoyce | January 4, 2009 - 23:57
Cunnilingus is fucking horrible.
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