Wretched stench of pungent piss,
Rainbow coloured vomit aligns the dull silvery urinal,
Splatters where it falls,
A new galaxy born!
This is the house of flies and fetidness.
Tissue paper soaked in all kinds of urine,
Shit on vomit and vomit on shit.
The flies watch the activities of the clientele with fascination.
Slurred speeches and tongues recoiled in wet mouths.
This is the house of lies and braggadocio.
Comments
LawOfTheOne | March 21, 2008 - 01:49
I really liked this.
Pungent piss and rainbow coloured vomit-brilliant, so vivid, so powerful.
The only part I didn't like were the first two lines of the second stanza. You've already mentioned piss so using urine seems like you're saying the same thing twice, it takes away from the first one.
And shit on vomit and vomit on shit, again same problem for me, maybe just talk about shit?
Great ending. An ode to a toilet, what would Keats think!:)