Tergiversation

I'm going to breed the pangolin
and sell it to Whipsnade Zoo.
Last week I learned the mandolin
(at least a chord or two.)

I used to be a trolley man
at a Tesco Superstore,
a week of that, then delivery man
for junk food door-to-door.

My girlfriends tell me to stick at things
- that simply isn't me -
I've bought a hundred engagement rings
but a wedding isn't to be.

I'm going to vote Conservative,
I've finally made up my mind,
and though they're quite derivative
at least they're not Labour, I find.

But someone's left the telly on,
with politics in black-and-white,
a vote for Nick feels really wrong-
d'you know? I think I might!

I hear my hope and glory bell
I wonder who could it be?
It's someone persuasive I can tell,
a man from the SNP.

The pollsters dog my every move,
as if my opinion mattered,
my answers only go to prove
my resolve is entirely shattered.