No Good Deed 6

A moment later we were approached by the Madame, if such she were. She handed me a balloon of what I hoped was brandy. She arched an eyebrow and said,

'Might I relieve you of your burden, sir?'

I followed her gaze and realised that I was still carrying the carpet-bag. Perhaps this incongruity had occasioned Jackson's laughter. She grasped the bag, making light of its weight, and enquired as to whether she should place it in one of the guest rooms. I replied in the affirmative.

Turning to Jackson, I asked him,

'Who is that woman?'

'She's the Yaller.'

'The Yellow?' It seemed a cruel thing to say aloud.

'She's an octaroon - and a free person of colour,' his lip curled in a sneer.

'Does she have a name, sir?'

'Some call her Zoe Terrebonne, I reckon she gave it herself.' the politician replied.

I took a sip of the brandy, it was a fine Armagnac, or I was very much mistaken.

'What brings you to Missouri, Northrup?' Jackson asked. The two women remained silent, occasionally stroking some part of the Governor's person as the whim took them.

'Having but recently returned from England, I am travelling my native land, the better to acquaint myself with it.'

'How long didya spend over there, Northrup? I swear you talk just like a Britisher.'

'Twenty years. It was indeed an education.'

Jackson let out a snort worthy of a barrow. I reflected it was not the only touch of the porcine about him.

'Edyoo-kay-shone, bah! Well you know what we say in Missouri about soap and education!'

As it happened, I did: it was one of several flippant remarks made by Mr Clemens during the interminable stage coach journey.

'Anyhow, I won't hold neither agin you, if you'll join us.”

The two women smiled at me, Muskrat Jaw Jean's attempt was fascinating, if repellent. I made a bow to Lola and Jean and said that I'd be delighted. This minor lie was punished almost immediately by a lengthy lecture by Jackson on Missouri politics. The man was at particular pains to confirm that something called “secession” was both inevitable and imminent. It sounded to me like some religious business.

In my thus far brief dealings with the natives of Missouri, I had noted a preference of the indigenous population to pronounce the name of their state as “Mizzoo-ruh”. This and their propensity for anecdote and aphorism made them profoundly irritating to me. Extrication from this deadly company was not effected by myself. My salvation occurred when the politician took himself off to the stairs beside the bar in the company of Lola Montez. Reasoning that any overnight use of the 'guest rooms' would necessitate the company of one of the establishment's employees, I informed Muskrat Jaw Jean that I should be delighted to make her closer acquaintance. In my heart of hearts I would have preferred to invite Miss Terrebonne to accompany me. Doubtless the invitation would have been refused.

I closed the door of a small, but surprisingly clean bedroom behind us. The carpet bag stood unopened on the floorboards beside an iron bed. It would be a night relatively free of insects, at least. My intention was to pay for the girl's company without recourse to her charms, chiefly with the goal of exploring the bag's contents. It was not to be: Muskrat Jaw Jean was enthusiastic in her work. Moreover, her mandibular deficiency permitted her to demonstrate several tricks that excited even my own jaded palate.