Love You Mum

Geoff was drinking a cup of tea for breakfast - he still couldn't make it like Belle. His Belle. Sweet Belle. A murderer!
His mind stepped back again, like it had done so many heart-wrenching times, ever since that fateful day. Wearily treading the same paths, the same imagined movements of his Belle. His Belle did not murder her own mother.
He groaned aloud and shouted at her empty chair. 'How could you kill yourself and leave me alone?' A note saying how she loved him but he didn't need her, was all she had left - her mother needed her... Then she couldn't live with the guilt.
He shouted at the empty chair again. 'I don't believe you did it? And I'm going to prove it. My Belle is not a murderer!'

* * * * * *
The corridors were quiet in the early hours, before the cacophony of morning routine shattered the peace. Night Sister surveyed her domain and gently mumbled to herself in a soft, soothing voice as she verbalized her thoughts.
‘Old Mrs. Creighton can't hold on much longer - I'll have to do something pretty soon. Definitely reached her final pain plateau. Have to be careful now though.
Still - can't let her suffer anymore.'
She heard a sound coming from the deserted Nurse's station. As she turned, her torch swung in the direction of Mrs. Butterworth. ‘Nasty old bag, she is just so picky, doesn't appreciate anything her son does for her. He's here all hours of the day and night - he'll lose his job if I don't fix her. Just because I can't stand her, doesn't mean she should suffer - even if she does deserve to.’
As she continued on to the next ward, she made a mental note to lock her bag up - a few had gone missing lately - probably that new orderly with the heavy beard.
Sometimes her role in life got her down. She had worked in Paediatrics for quite a while but the poor little babies had torn her heart to shreds with their suffering. She couldn't help them - mostly because she didn't really believe it was their time.
Then young Billy had been admitted. She would never get over him. She had watched the light go out in his little eyes and the look of final peace which came over him. But just before the light had dimmed, she'd seen his terror. Perhaps she'd misjudged. But it was too late, now she'd never know.
Somehow she found it easier to help the old people. At least they'd had their chance in life and most welcomed her sympathy for their plight. She understood not being needed anymore and the importance of dignity. She would never be a burden to anyone - she'd see to it.
Now the MacKenzie family had bought in an investigator.

* * * * * *
Later as Geoff recounted in his mind, the events leading up to his mother-in-law's death, he could still hear Bell's gentle voice.
‘Why don't you go for a walk downstairs then, Hon.’ He fidgeted constantly and it was getting on Belle's nerves. As if she wasn't tense enough watching her mother suffer, day after day.
‘God, I hate hospitals. ‘
She nodded her head. ‘I know. Go on, Mum won't mind.’ As he got up to go too quickly, she continued in the same soothing tone. ‘But if it's O.K. I'd like to stay just a little longer. She looks so defenceless.’
Geoff wouldn’t have heard the last comment - he was out the door as fast as his feet could carry him. Much as she loved him, Belle knew Geoff was not generous with himself. He couldn't put himself out - get over his hatred of the smells, the stark walls, the threat of pain. She understood him though, and loved him.
Things had changed after their wedding. He seemed to distance himself from her. Maybe he didn't think he had to try anymore, now he'd won her. She'd liked the door opened for her. Still, she'd adjusted to his ways and would not linger too long in this quiet room.
Mothers; always someone to look up to, to trust, to rely on. What had happened? When did the rolls become reversed? How was Belle now able to look down with maternal concern on the sleeping, freshly scrubbed complexion of her seemingly years-younger and beloved mother?
She was just lying there. When was the last time she was so still? Mum always rushed. Never had time to take it easy. Was she too still? As her mother's eyelids fluttered alarmingly, Belle panicked.
‘Please God don't let this be the beginning of the end.’
Nurse was there and gently touched her shoulder. ‘I need to turn her over. Make her more comfortable - you know.’
Belle went to stand with unseeing eyes, beside the window to give her mother some privacy, her thoughts miles away.
Were all the nurses this kind to their charges? She makes me feel guilty, as if I'm not doing enough - but I feel so helpless. All I can do is sit here thinking about the millions of things I've taken for granted over the years. You do you know - can't help it. If you're not taught the value of things, how are you to know?
It seemed the nurses never left Mum for long. Even when she wasn't in the room, you could feel their benevolent eyes. Sister had even arranged for a ward right next to the Nurse's station. Bell watched her administer painkillers had become more and more necessary now.
Tenderness oozed, as the covers were once more gently tucked under frail arms. Nurse smiled gently as she gathered up her paraphernalia and left the room.
Her mother's hands clasped in a protective gesture were so transparent.
Are veins really that blue? Mum had always been proud of how pretty they were with not a mark on them - she could have earned money as a model....
Belle seemed mesmerized transfixed by the pictures her mind's eye kept freeze-framing. They were so cold ... Was that a groan....
"Oh Mum, what can I do - I feel so useless." Tears rolled down onto the hand attempting to reassure her daughter everything was going to be fine. And Belle had promised herself not to cry. "Mum... I love you. Sorry, I don't mean to be weak - but I just can't bear to see you like this.... I wish Dad were here for you."

* * * * * *
Her mother took a deep shuddering breath and opened her eyes wide. She stared deeply at Belle. Her voice was a rasping whisper... "I'm not afraid... Dad's waiting for me... I can't ... deal with this any longer. If I could... just close my eyes and go - I would."
Another deep breath, resolution clearing her voice. "But I can't. I need help. Will you help me, Belle Darling? .... I know what I'm asking!’
Nurse stood listened to her patient, just outside the ward and looked up as an agitated Geoff came out of the elevator. He hesitated at the door, stared at Belle's stricken face and spoke in a loud whisper.
"Can't hang around here all day, Love - Got to get back to work. My Boss will have a purple fit it I don't get back soon. "
Nurse was disapproving, although she didn't say anything, it was obvious.
He saw her look and knew he was babbling, but hospitals had that effect on him. “If only the Old Dear would just pop off, she's do us all a favour, and herself - it can't be easy finishing up in here. Belle's tearing herself apart. Life must go on. Once it's all over we can get back to normal.”
He straightened up, took a breath and entered the ward. Taking Belle's arm, he spoke to her as gently as he could. "C'mon Love I've got to go Mrs. Mac. Boss’ll be looking for me. Sorry."
He didn't even touch his Mother-in Law, or acknowledge she had heard his words. He just turned and fled, holding tight to his wife's resisting arm, propelling her in the right direction.
Belle pleaded with her eyes and he paused in the corridor, as she said a last good-bye. Turning back towards him, she took a deep shuddering breath, then came walking back with a sense of purpose in her gait. She seemed to have made up her mind about something and he was pleased she appeared to have found her old strength again.
‘I've promised to come back after the kids are in bed.’
Geoff groaned. How could she make him feel so guilty - it wasn't his Mum. Mrs. Mac was a Sweetie. She certainly didn't deserve all this suffering. They're kinder to animals really. ‘Could I sit that one out?’ He'd have to do overtime tonight anyway. Perhaps he'll pop in for five minutes on his way home.

* * * * * *
Geoff had stewed about his mother-in-law all day. She didn't deserve to suffer the way she was. Surely there was something someone could do - the doctors or the nurses?
Someone had to help and if he couldn't find anyone - he'd do it himself. A quick pillow over her face while she slept, she wouldn't know and she's thank him for it too. No more pain for her, and no more for his Belle.
But Sister didn't give him a chance when he went back, later that night.
She had been surprised Belle wasn't with him and had asked him why he was visiting alone when she knew he hated coming in at all.
And then when he closed the door, she came and opened it. After that she sort of hovered around. She let him know she was there almost as if she could read his intention and wasn't going to let him `harm' her patient. She was a bloody good nurse that's for sure!
Well, he'd promised himself he'd come back when she wasn't on duty but as things progressed he didn't need to. You see, the next afternoon Old Mrs. Mac had passed away peacefully in her sleep, just after Belle's visit. Everyone reckoned she was holding on to say good-bye.

* * * * * *
Belle had come with her mind made up. Her mother was not going to suffer a moment longer. She bent down and kissed her, noticed how cold she was, caressed her cheek gently and quickly placed the pillow over her mother’s face before her nerve weakened.
After what seemed like an eternity, she felt her mother’s pulse and knew she was gone. Belle didn't cry. Her mother seemed at peace.
She felt better for her Mum and imagined her safe in the arms of her Dad, at last. Belle walked away and didn't look back.
When Sister Elliot came out of 4b, she was prepared. She had a syringe primed and ready for her favourite patient. Good, Belle was just leaving.
‘Hello Belle, how are you today?’ No reply. Belle didn't even see her. Nurse understood - it was time. At least they had seen each other - now to help the best way she knew how.
‘Mrs. Mac - I've got to talk to you...’ Sister gently took hold of her patient's hand. She stopped, as she noticed how still Mrs. Mac was. Good God, she'd gone! That was awfully sudden. As Sister Elliot examined Mrs. Mac, she doubted … Oh well, no more pain...
Sister Elliott said good-bye, covered her with a sheet and left her in peace while she reported the death. A tear came to her eyes for the sweet lady, but she had to be strong for the rest in her care. She reached down to get a tissue from her bag and it was gone. Blast! I'll have to report that too.

* * * * * *
Two days later, Belle stepped in front of a train. Eventually, they found the note. She confessed to the mercy killing of her poor, suffering mother. Said she couldn't live with what she'd done.
Geoff understood. He couldn't forgive her for leaving him, but he did understand, knowing his Belle. Then he got a strange call from Sister Elliot. She said something had been worrying her. She said they had found bruises all over Mrs Mac and her neck had been broken. Now, his Belle could not have done that. It was what got the investigator interested.
The eager young investigator had done a little digging and the culprit has confessed all. It turned out an orderly was riffling the nurse’s station while Sister gave out medication. Old Mrs.Mac had seen him, and tried to call out. He’d struggled with her, and whilst pressing his hand over her face a little harder than necessary, felt her neck give way. He’d straightened her up, made the bed and calmly walked away just as Belle had arrived.
And now Belle would never know - unless she too was with her father - he would have seen it all.

THE END