Once upon a time there was a man and the man lived in a house. The man had a wife and the man’s wife was named Judy and the man’s name was called Punch and they lived together in the house. When it was cold they lighted a fire and keeped warm and when it was hot they didn’t. They had a crocodile what liked sausages and et them all the time and they had a baby and they throwed it and hitted it. Sometimes they come out of there house and done things and one day they done a story. I will tell you about the story what they done.
One day Punch said wife we must go and look for tresher and bring the baby and the crocodile they might come in handy. But when they got there their wasn’t any tresher because pirates had hid it and the crocodile mist his sausages and the baby was crying and Punch got cross. Punch said wife we must go home through the dark wood and I don’t expect we’ll see a wolf or anything. But they did see a wolf and the wolf et the crocodile and the baby was crying even more and Judy hitted it with a stick.
Soon they come to a house made of ginger beer and they nokt on the door. A witch opened the door. Oh what a nice baby she said I will have it for my tea. Punch and Judy didn’t suspecked anything and went inside and while they were asleep the witch took the baby and put it in the oven. In the morning the witch said sorry for eating your baby you can have some sweets instead and so they did.
Next they came to a cottage where there was another wolf inside only it was the same one. I must eat grandma said the wolf becos she’s got big ice and noses and things. Only if its in the story said Punch it is said the wolf so you’d better go and do it then said Judy. So the wolf went upstairs and et grandma and put on her nighty and got in bed. Then Little Red Robin Hood come and Punch said theirs a wolf upstairs drest as your nan and Robin Hood said I hate it when he does that and went upstairs to kill the wolf only the wolf got away out of the window.
Robin Hood said come and meet my merry men but when they got there they wasn’t men at all they was three little pigs. The pigs went in there houses but the wolf blowed them down and et the pigs. Robin Hood was very cross and shot arrows at the wolf and the wolf died and Robin Hood said that’s for eating my nan but he didn’t care about the pigs even if they was his merry men and he maked the pigs into sausages. Crocodile would have liked this bit said Punch it’s a shame he was et but crocodile was inside the wolf and come out when he smelt the sausages and et lots of them.
Then Punch said wife we must get the baby back and go home and so they went to the first house and put the witch in the oven and got the baby back out of her and went home and Punch hitted Judy and Judy hitted the baby and crocodile et some more sausages. Tomorrow we must go and see our ferry godmothers said Punch and Judy said hooray.

Comments
FTSE100 | August 14, 2008 - 14:37
In case anyone's wondering WTF, I find it amusing to put myself back in the mind of a child. The days when I though that 'bold' meant 'hairless', for instance. In days of old when knights were bold - why should it be an advantage for knights to have no hair? Did their foes grab them by the curly locks prior to running them through with a sword, or what?
Whether it makes a good read or not is for others to decide.
tcook | August 14, 2008 - 15:37
It made me laugh.
_jacobea_ | August 14, 2008 - 18:44
Definately amusing. It really read like something an older child would write.
jlb | August 15, 2008 - 00:18
Yep, I liked it too - the last three pieces you've put up have been really funny.
I managed to read the Nine Billion Names of God btw & loved it. That final line is killer, so understated. It's such a short piece as well which makes it all the more impressive. Thanks for the recommendation - now I'll have to add to my wishlist... :O)
FTSE100 | August 15, 2008 - 08:25
Thanks for your comments, folks. Three more names to add to my Christmas card list... :O)
mykle | August 16, 2008 - 08:53
Made me laugh too, FTSE, and of course, pause for thought.
Yes, a spell checker does help – which ever spell you want to cast :O)
I think the best stories should work on many levels and like “Gulliver’s travels” be fun for kids as well as adults.
Brought up as a Roman Catholic we had a prayer to Mother Mary which contained the words “we send up our sighs.”... I was just never certain what size I was!
Dynamaso | August 18, 2008 - 07:36
I admire that you can write this without reflexively correcting the intentional spelling mistakes. Very funny.
I too found and read the Arthur Clarke story. What an awesome short it is. Thanks for pointing it out.