Kangaroo

John awoke one morning to find his home infested with a kangaroo. The signs were unmistakeable: in hopping about, the beast had knocked the plaster from every ceiling in the house.

"I don't suppose you've got an aspirin?" inquired the kangaroo. "It's given me quite a headache."

"Look at the mess," complained John. "Couldn't you have kept your head down?"

"It's the way I'm made," explained the kangaroo. "Huge back legs and tiny front ones. If I tried to go on all fours I'd drill my head into the ground. If we're going to be living together we might as well begin by introducing ourselves. I'm Wayne Kangarooney."

"Living together?" squeaked John. "Living together? I don't think so."

"In that case," said Wayne, "you'll have to take me at least a hundred miles away or I'll just find my way back again."

"I'm not taking you anywhere. I'm going to call the pest control people, let them deal with you. How did you get in, anyway?"

"The usual way. The rule is, if you can get a pencil through a hole, a kangaroo can get through it too."

"I thought that was a mouse?"

"Don't be silly," said Wayne. "A kangaroo can't get through a mouse."

"Well, I'm going to call the council. How many more of you are there?"

"There's only ever been one of me, as far as I know. How many are there of you?

"I mean, are there more kangaroos in the house?"

"Oh, dozens," said Wayne sarcastically, "We're very hard to spot. It's the camouflage. We blend in so well with the curtains. So what will the pest control people do?"

"I expect they'll spray you with something. Or put down poison. I don't know. Maybe they'll use traps."

"That seems like a pretty shabby way to treat a house guest."

"You aren't a guest, you're an infestation. A pest. A plague."

"Charming. You don't even know me. You might like me if you bothered to find out the first thing about me. You didn't even tell me your name."

"I'm not going to make friends with you," said John. "I know all about the Stockholm Syndrome. I've heard of Patty Hearst. Before I know it you'll have me robbing banks and shouting 'free the political kangaroos'."

"Don't you think they should be freed?"

"The political kangaroos? I've never really thought about it. Are they innocent?"

"They were only following their instincts."

In that case, maybe community service would be a more suitable option. Would they object to serving the community?"

"They'd quite like to overthrow the fascist kangaroo regime."

"That sounds like a good service to the community. What slogans should I shout to bring it about?"

"I usually go for 'free the political kangaroos'. It seems to sum it all up."

"I'll do that, then. Now, about the banks..."