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Newkiller Power

Posted by FTSE100 on November 9, 2011 - 08:25
from the ABC set The World According to FTSE

Should Britain's nuclear power stations be replaced? This is the question that Dan Dare, Energy Minister, wrestles with daily, when he's not wrestling with rent boys.

Although nuclear power stations are satisfactory at producing energy, they have proved impossible to pronounce. Scientists have offered two easy-to-say alternatives: noocular power, as favoured by the Americans, or newkiller power, as preferred by the British.

Attempts to teach public speakers to pronounce the older nuclear power stations have failed.

"Repeat after me: this is my new, clear power station."

"This is my new, clear power station."

"Good. Now try: this is my nuclear power station."

"This is my new... my new... my newkiller power station."

"No, it's pronounced like new, clear power station. Try again."

"Okay, I'll get it this time. Deep breath. This is my new... my newkiller... no, no, new killyer... yes, that's it, newkillyer power station! How was that?"

"No better I'm afraid. That's the nub of the problem."

"The nucleus of the problem, you might say."

"Ah, the nucleus. You don't feel tempted to say newkillus?"

"Why on earth would I say that?"

Britain's new generation of power stations are currently undergoing pronouncablility trials. Politicians, newsreaders and program presenters are all participating. So far the results have not been encouraging. The pronunciation of newkiller power seems just as much a mystery as the old type. Many pronounce it 'nuclear'.

Dan Dare favours wave power, or weevil power as his slopmouth brain tells him he should call it.

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

oldpesky | November 9, 2011 - 08:32

I'm with Dan Dare and his renooable energy plan.

FTSE100 | November 9, 2011 - 09:56

Quite right too.

RachelPatricia | November 9, 2011 - 13:21

You are a funny one you are, FTSE - just caught up on your latest comedy offerings, loved and chuckled at them all. Great stuff :)

Rachel xx

FTSE100 | November 10, 2011 - 01:43

Thanks Rachel.

Paul

hudsonmoon | November 10, 2011 - 15:59

I still have problems when my London friends come over and ask me where I keep the alu-min-i-um?

"You mean the alum-in-um?"
"No, we mean the alu-min-i-um."
"How about some tin foil?"
"That'll do."

I don't even want to get started on the gay-rog thing. I don't have a garage. I park my car in the street.

Loved the post.

Rich

FTSE100 | November 10, 2011 - 20:47

You say potato and I say per... po... pertrato? Damn it, let's have fish instead.

I park my car in the drive but I rarely drive it in the park.

Thanks for reading!

Paul

lavadis | November 12, 2011 - 07:52

moist ham using

FTSE100 | November 12, 2011 - 11:24

Than Q

Christine | December 4, 2011 - 12:01

funn nee