The King Of Heavens.


from the ABC set Gabby's Fiction Stories.

PROLOGUE

Many years ago Talik, the ruler of all worlds and king of the heavens became very ill, he was very old and knew it was time to choose a new ruler. So he turned to his two sons, his eldest son was called Sheba a strong but greedy young boy who, Talik knew, would turn out to be a great commander of the warriors who protected the kingdom of the heavens. Olra the younger son of the two was a wise and trustworthy young person who would make great decisions in further life. After a while in deep thought Talik decided it would be wise for Olra to become king and be wise in his choices and Sheba to be made the commander of the warriors and lead great battles. But Sheba was outraged by his fathers’ choice that he had not been made king and soon as their father past away he took revenge on his brother.
After years of his brothers’ nasty tricks of trying to take place as king, Olra decided enough was enough. He sent out some of his finest warriors to find Sheba and bring him to the council. Olra and the council talked firmly to him but Sheba would not make peace. He still believed strongly it was Olra fault he was not king, so he was escorted to the prisons and has been there ever since.

CHAPTER 1

The king of the heavens had a worried frown on his face as he welcomed in his court. “Greetings my friends, today I have some very important news.” His court settled down as he placed himself in his grand chair in front of them. He cleared his throat and spoke once more “Sheba, my brother, our greatest enemy has escaped the prisons and to get his revenge has stolen three of the seven crystal orbs.” Loud gasps echoed around the room. Olra the king heavens keeps seven magical crystal orbs, each one looks over and after a different land. A red one for the underworld, yellow for human life, blue for the waterworld, white for the skies, green for the tree people, pink for fairyland and silver for the land of spirits. Olra spoke again
“It must be decided what we are to do.” He paused for a moment, “are there any ideas,” he said finally. He scanned his eyes around the vast room waiting for an answer
“Yes,” spoke up an old croaky voice, it was Quoluk, a wise old man with a long white beard. “The three missing orbs are water, life and the underworld, so we must send three people who we can trust with the knowledge of the missing orbs.”
“What a load of rubbish we don’t need any help at all, I say we declare war,” snarled Imiq.
“Quoluk’s a lot wiser and older than any of us here, I think we should listen to him,” argued Minala a fierce demanding women.
A loud chatter went round as everyone agreed with Minala. Olra put his hand up for silence and spoke once more,“it looks like most of us are in agreement with Quoluk’s idea. I will consider it.”
Imiq growled in disgust as Olra a few minutes later stood up to talk again, “now we have agreed I shall form the magic circle of light and teleport the people that I have decided on, with the knowledge to complete this task, up to our world!” he cried.
“I think now is the time, but Quoluk I am going to pass over the honour to you to conjure up the power of light!”
Everyone turned to look at Quoluk as he got ready to do a very powerful piece of magic that takes many years to learn.
“Are you ready my friend?” asked Olra.
“Yes” said Quoluk with his voice full of confidence.
Quoluk stretched out his arms, everyone gazed in ore as a bright blinding light flashed in the middle of the big circle they were sitting in and there as the light faded stood three young girls each one from completely different backgrounds.
“What the…”
“Oh my gosh”
“Jumping jellyfish” gasped the girls as they stared at the rows of people.
“Welcome young people” Olra said smiling as the three girls whirled around to stare at him. “I’m Olra, the King of the great heavens.”
“Um... your majesty.” Said the girl who took hold of her beautiful aqua dress and curtseyed, tucking her perfect hazel hair behind one ear, “Where in the great seas is this and why am I here?”
Olra laughed “Please call me Olra, this is the great heavens a place of afterlife. And you my friend are all here because we,” Orla’s hand swept around the room, “need your help”

CHAPTER 2

Arabella gazed around the huge room. Swirly gold pillars spiralled up to the pearl studded ceiling. A mass of faces stared back at her; they were all sitting in a semi circle of chairs the layers going up and up. Behind her on a soft velvet throne sat a strange man with a pointy beard and four shimmering balls floated on a glass table in front of him.
“How do you need our help” asked the girl standing next to her. She had short brown hair and a questioning look on her freckled face.
“You must be Faye” Olra smiled. “Well you see these orbs in front of me, they are very magical. A long time ago my father chose me to be king, my brother was furious. We tried to reason with him but he wouldn’t listen so we locked him in the prisons. A few days ago he escaped and took three orbs with him. We need you to find them for us, that is if you agree to help.”
“But how do we know where to find them?” asked Corel.
“I will tell you in good time, but you need some rest first, why don’t you go out on the balcony and get to know each other while I finish the meeting.

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Comments

gabbyslater | February 1, 2012 - 16:46

I have just started this story but I would like to know how people think I am doing so far.
Please comment.

Gabby xxx

tcook | February 7, 2012 - 16:48

I think that this a good idea but it needs a lot of fleshing out. You need to describe the people and give us some context. Do you know where the story is going to go? You could start at a place that's a bit on and then flash back to the beginning to explain it. That way you will get some action in right at the start - and place the main characters (who I imagine to be the three girls) at the centre of the story from the outset.

Big ideas like this need planning and development. You also need to watch our for your grammar. But please don't be put off - it is a very good idea (and those are few and far between in this genre) but you need to lay out your plot before you begin and from that you will be able to plot out the development of your story and work out how best to grab your reader from the outset.

gabbyslater | February 8, 2012 - 16:38

Thankyou very much for your help. I will think about it and try the start of my story again. When I have finished I will post it and see what you think to it.

Thankyou again.

Gabby xxx