THE LOVER

DECEMBER 26, 2008

She paced back and forth through the living room to the kitchen, and back again, peering through the window into the darkness. It was getting late, really late, and he still had not arrived. Her anxiety grew as the seconds ticked away, and she raced once more up the stairs to her bathroom. Staring into the mirror, she brushed her teeth again and re-applied her lipstick. Pulling down her low-cut black sweater, she once again checked her cleavage.

The whole thing was ridiculous, thought Madison. She had been alone and celibate for seven long years, ever since Jack had left her. His cheating had come as a shock, especially since they had been married for so long. Of course she couldn’t blame him. Their sex life was sadly lacking, and neither had attempted to do anything about it. Oh well, she thought grimly, at least I had all those years of sexual activity before I got married. That should last me for the rest of my life.

As she stood in front of the Christmas tree, waiting for him to arrive, her thoughts wandered back to the beginning, seven years prior.

DECEMBER 26, 2000

Madison remembered opening her library book to find a note placed between the pages – a love note. “Oh no,” she thought, “not again.” Jack had cheated on her once before, when their daughter was a baby. She had forgiven him because she knew it was mostly her own fault for not giving him the sex life he yearned for. The physical attraction was just not there for her, and Jack was not the most considerate of lovers. They had stayed together and tried again, had another baby, and seemed to be quite happy. Madison felt the family life, laughter, friendship and good times certainly made up for the lack of sensuality and passion in their lives.

But apparently Jack had not been able to stay faithful, and as Madison looked at the love note, her heart sank.

“Jack”, she called out. “Come here, I need to talk to you.” Her husband, ten years her senior, entered the room with a questioning look on his face. Madison thrust the note out in front of her. “What is this?” she demanded.

His face paled, and he turned away. “Who is it, Jack? You have to tell me.”

And so he confessed to having an affair with a married woman in his church choir. It had been going on for a while and he refused to give her up. In a panic, Madison tried to reason with him, beg him to reconsider, see a counselor or whatever it would take, but he refused. It was over. Their marriage was over and she would be alone for the first time in her life. Their children were grown and all they had was their house. It would be an easy dissolution of their assets.

In fact, they did see a marriage counselor, but it was futile. Madison was terrified of the financial consequences of their separation and perhaps divorce. However, Jack kindly said that he had no intention of divorcing her, and that he would give her half of everything, including his pension. Somehow that eased the pain a little.

The house was sold at a huge profit and they split the difference. Madison purchased another house, and Jack rented an apartment, preferring to spend his money on travel. The first few years were difficult for Madison, as she had never lived alone before, but her time was taken up with her job and fixing up the new house. She made new girlfriends and started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Romance never entered her mind. Men were of no consequence….they hadn’t been important since before her marriage. The thought of sex was abhorrent to her, and she felt the years had not been kind to her body, having had two Caesarians.

The years passed by slowly. Her daughter divorced and moved in with her for a couple of years, which softened the ache of loneliness. Part-time work, lunches with girlfriends, occasional dinners and movies with Jack, who remained a good friend, and time spent with her children filled her days. She acquired pets, did volunteer work and seemed to be sliding slowly down the hill towards old age and death.

Seven years later, things had not changed much. Her daughter had moved out and acquired a new boyfriend; her son had relocated to Chicago; and her mother had died. She was finally alone.

In August of 2007 Madison decided to do something that she had always dreamed of, but had been too frightened to really contemplate. She walked into the office of a local plastic surgeon and asked to make an appointment for a tummy tuck. Her stomach had never recovered from the surgeries of childbirth, and she had always longed for a flat tummy.

The appointment was made and without even thinking, Madison decided to blow $8000 on the surgery. She owed it to herself. She would be able to wear cute little panties and fashionable clothes. Her surgeon assured her she would go from a size twelve to a four in no time. It was done! She made an appointment to have the surgery performed the next week.

All of Madison’s girl friends were supportive of her surgery, and dropped by to help her get through the post-operative phase. Jack came by at the beginning, but he was more hindrance than help. He seemed anxious for her to start dating again, and often mentioned that she should think about it.

“I’m still married” she retorted, daring him to say anything in response. He was still seeing his married mistress, but was also enjoying the freedom to travel, and spend time with Madison as well. Yes, Jack was having his cake and eating it, but she couldn’t blame him for that.

It took a while to recuperate from the painful surgery, especially with the drains that were attached to her abdomen for many weeks. But finally the day came when she was given a ready to face the world with her new body.

Madison had lost thirty pounds and five dress sizes. It was heaven to shop and actually look good in smaller sized clothes. She had blonde highlights put in her hair, bought revealing outfits, and started to exercise.

As the days passed, Madison noticed a more youthful and attractive person staring back in the mirror. It was heaven to go out in her new, form flattering clothes, and to have admiring glances sent her way by passing men. "Interesting" she thought. "Men haven't really looked at me since I was in my twenties. Now I am getting stared at by younger and older men."

Her confidence rapidly rose along with something she had not expected. In late October, something very strange happened. She started to experience feelings that had lain dormant for many, many years. Her libido had kicked in and she was feeling sexual stirrings long forgotten. Her attitude towards men swiftly changed. She had never had any interest in men since before her marriage, but now, all she could think about was sex. Physical longings took over her mind constantly, and threatened to interfere with the life she had lived thus far. In desperation, and to the amusement and encouragement of her girlfriends, she purchased her first vibrator. Embarrassing, perhaps, but it did the job.

However, she yearned for more and thus it was that Madison turned to the Internet and dating sites. There were several paid sites that looked of interest, so Madison bit the bullet and paid for a month on one of them. It seemed strange uploading new photos of herself that showed a younger looking, slimmer Madison than before. She posted an interesting profile and then waited to see what would happen.

The response was overwhelming. So many men seemed ready and willing to get to know her, but she was not certain of the protocols. Younger men, older men, those who lived out of state, ugly men, handsome men…..where on earth to start? Who to choose?

It was with some trepidation that Madison started on the path to dating after all those years of marriage. Her first date seemed promising. A Jewish retired doctor! He seemed fairly attractive, according to his picture, and perhaps he might be physically active too.

The day finally came for their first date. Madison foolishly allowed Jerry to pick her up at her home. She spent hours getting ready, making sure she smelled good, and looked as youthful and attractive as she could.

The doorbell rang and she opened the door. Before her stood an old man. A very old man who smelled of death. Her spirits sank, but she quickly regained her composure. He had driven a long way to see her, and she had to be kind.

He had made no plans for the evening and asked where she would like to go. This was her first date in 35 years! Where to go? Oh dear.

She mentioned a popular restaurant on the nearby pier and he said that would be fine. But he had forgotten his wallet. Would it be okay if she paid, and he would send her a check. Wearily, she nodded her assent.

The dinner went as expected. He was tiresomely dull, talking only of operations performed in the past and using medical terminology that had no meaning to her. She tried to draw him out on a more personal level, but he seemed as nervous as she was.

Later, they walked arm in arm on the pier, and she felt disappointed with the entire experience. A quick peck on the cheek, and he was gone, promising to reimburse her as soon as he could. The check arrived two days later, and she emailed him a thank you, and her regrets that they were not a match.

After a few more failures, she became more adept at selecting those men whom she thought would be appropriate, but none of them seemed to be just right. Her first month of paid dating ended, and she decided not to invest any more money.

A friend mentioned a free dating site to her that sounded interesting. Madison felt there was nothing to lose, and posted her profile. She stated her age as five years younger than she was, and was surprised to receive requests for dates from much younger men. Although flattered and a little thrilled, she knew that there was no point in dating any of them, as they were probably only interested in sex. And although she wanted a satisfying physical relationship, she also wanted love, passion and commitment. Could she really find all that on a dating site?

One day she received an inquiry from the free dating site, from a man who lived out of her area. She was intrigued by his profile, but a little put off by his photograph. It was not very clear or focused, but he appeared to be of medium height, balding and quite ordinary looking. Madison had always been attracted to tall, handsome, artistic men and this one did not appear to have any of these attributes.

His name was Mark and he sent her several emails, asking if she would be interested in meeting him. After deliberating, she decided he was not her type at all, but deserved a kind response.

12-9-07

Ah, Mark

My girlfriend told me to put an age stipulation on my profile (didn’t I do that?) preventing all the young ‘uns from approaching me. It is all very strange to me why men in their 30’s and 40’s feel they would have anything to offer a woman of my age, other than a physical relationship. Seriously, though, I am immensely flattered that someone younger than me would show an interest.

Most of the time, without being too vain, people would not stop and stare in horror if they saw me with a 40 year old man as I do have a decent figure and an unlined face. However, there is the matter of a shared frame of reference. I was an adult when you were born and it would be difficult to share and laugh about events that happened before you were born. And one does have to talk occasionally.

No more sermons. In my fantasies, I would love to have a romance with a younger man, but it would be highly inappropriate. I realize that at this stage of my life “who cares?” – but I really do care. My daughter is not much younger than you – and she would probably look askance at her dear mom for dallying with someone who could be HER friend.

You are adorable. Thanks for making my day. Madison

Mark responded in disappointment and Madison promptly forgot about him. She became involved via emails and phone calls with another man, ten years her junior, who lived several hours away. David seemed perfect and their relationship started to blossom via daily telephone calls. He promised to drive out to see her in late December.

In the meantime, Madison was dating a different man each week. It seemed as though her physical appearance, and the confidence she had attained from the surgery, drew men to her like bees to honey. Unfortunately, there seemed to be something wrong with each of them. Either they were not her type; unattractive; afraid of commitment; poverty stricken; too old; too young; or just didn’t have the “it” factor. She was determined not to “settle” as she had with her marriage. Friendship was fine, but passion and intimacy was just as important.

Mark persisted with his emails and instant messages, and Madison found herself going to the computer after dates, confiding in Mark and asking his advice. She found him to be a little strange in his ideas, and quite outrageous on occasion, but always ready to listen and offer advice. He usually told her to drop the guys she was seeing, as he felt they were losers. Some of his emails made no sense to her, but she figured that since he was from Germany, perhaps his English was not too good.

She began to consider Mark as only an on-line friend, and was focusing on her relationship with David, who was making plans to drive out to see her very shortly. It was only boredom that made her respond to Mark’s emails, and the ego boost it gave her to realize that someone so young had a crush on her.

12-13-07
Dear Mark,

Wow, that was a scary email. I couldn’t figure out what it was about or who it was from. I have forgotten how old you are? Tell me again! And you sound very mature so perhaps. . . .

Write back and tell me about yourself and perhaps we can talk. I am so tired of older, boring men so perhaps I should take a leap! Madison

She went to the computer the next night and found another email from Mark, giving her a little more information about him. “What the hell?” she thought, “It can’t hurt to lead him on a little. I really enjoy the attention and I’ll never actually meet him.”

12-14-07
Dear Mark

Thanks for writing and giving me a little insight as to who you are and what you do. You sound very creative and interesting indeed. It is obvious you are a very bright person!

You asked me where I got my thoughts about age from. Truly, nowhere. You must understand that the passionate part of my life seemed to end when I got married at 27 – and now is starting again. So I have gone from someone in her twenties, who had a lust for life, loving and living – back to that same person. But I am not 20 anymore and am finding it difficult to relate to men who are my own age. I feel like I am dating my father with some of the men! I still think I am young – look young – and behave in a youthful manner. But the reality is – a woman of my age with someone so much younger – would be silly. What would we have to talk about? There are no shared frames of reference. All we would have is a physical connection, maybe, and conversations about what is happening now.
Actually, on second thought, that doesn’t sound too bad. After all, who wants to live in the past? Madison

12-16-07

Hi Mark,

It looks like you are a great teacher, in more ways than you can imagine. I appreciate your insights and apologize for appearing “flip” with you. You have no idea how many times I am approached by very young men – from 20’s to 30’s – who obviously have a fantasy of having sex with an older woman and gaining a notch on their belt. I am very passionate, but only for someone with whom I can have an emotional and physical relationship that will endure over time. That is why I am being very particular about who I talk to, meet, or go out with. There were a string of men I had one date with – and that voice inside me screamed “no” – so I said goodbye to them all. We always know when it is right, don’t we?

I have been fortunate enough to have had contact with a wonderful man who lives about two hours away from me. Our photos, emails and phone calls have been exchanged for several months, and he is driving to see me on Tuesday. He is perfect in almost every way – but I have yet to see him – so am hoping the chemistry will be there, and I can get off this stupid website!

I have enjoyed talking with you. You have a very bright mind, are articulate and will make a great partner for some lucky girl. I hope we can remain friends. Madison

All of a sudden, her relationship with Mark had taken on a life of its own. Numerous instant messages were written back and forth on a daily basis but eventually David arrived, after weeks of intense and heated conversations. Madison took one look at him and thought he had definite possibilities. However, she had not slept with anyone other than her husband for years, and was now ready to take the leap. In fact, she was more than ready. She was bursting with repressed sexual desire and could not wait to get David into bed.

A little shy and uncertain, David went along with Madison’s desire for intimacy, and they kissed and hugged all evening after she had prepared him a delicious dinner. He was an engineer, somewhat withdrawn and introverted, but she used her newfound confidence and invited him to bed. He was already declaring his love for her after weeks of intimate phone calls and letters, and she was flattered and thrilled to have a strong, attractive man wanting her. To her shock and horror, David found it impossible to make love to her and experienced such a terrible migraine, that he left for home at four in the morning.

Madison was devastated, and overcome with embarrassment and pity for him, as well as frustration at not being able to consummate her desires. David called her on his return home, followed by an angst-filled email expressing his disappointment, and feeling that perhaps he was impotent.

The next four months were filled with the most emotion Madison had experienced in years. Her love for David grew as she encouraged him to come back and try again. He drove back time and time again, hoping against hope that he would be able to make love to her. He even tried using Viagra, but it caused even worse migraines, and he always left in the early hours of the morning. In April he left for the last time, writing an email explaining that she deserved more than he could give her, and that he did not want to cause her any further distress.

Madison’s heart was broken and she wrote email after email, begging him to return. She said she didn’t care about the sexual aspects. She loved him. She said would do anything for him to come back, but he refused to respond and it took several months before she was able to pick up the threads of her life to try dating again. This time, she resolved, she would be more discerning, and would pick men who were able to satisfy her. She went on a dating binge, usually selecting local men who were a little younger than her. Her sexual appetite was out of control and she did everything she could to find satisfaction, both physically and emotionally.

But days went by when all she could think about was David, and how he seemed so perfect for her. She would ride to work in her car, playing music that touched her heart, and brought tears to her eyes. On the way to one blind date, she had to stop the car, and literally slap her own face to stop the tears from streaming down. Emotionally she was a mess. She had endured all those years of marriage without real love or passion, and now it seemed as though she would never have it.

An unexpected email from Mark sparked the following response:

Hi Mark,

I just found the email you sent to me a while back. It was in my spam folder for some reason. Also, I wrote to you on the wrong email address so, yes, it was me.

I went out on a first date tonight with a guy around my age, maybe three years younger. He was very nice. A television director - Italian, Catholic. You know, my problem is that I meet someone, and they immediately get all excited about me, but I just don't feel the chemistry. It is such an intangible feeling and you never know who you will feel it with. If it isn't there, I just don't want to waste the man's time. So I probably won't go out with him again. I have two more to go out with - so I shall see what happens with them.

Maybe you and I should get together. If only you didn't live so far away. I have a feeling we would have an explosive chemistry. . . .

Love you, Madison

4-28-08
I am doing great. How are you feeling? Over your cold?

I don't see you on line any more. . . . . cry.

Love, Madison

And then there was no contact from him for months on end. Mark seemed to disappear from sight and Madison forgot all about him. She became involved with a man from Denver, whom she met on a dating site, and they had passionate, intimate phone calls each day. He was convinced she was the “one” and urged her to fly out to see him. She was flattered by the attention, and his husky, sexy voice on the phone. He talked of selling his properties and moving out to live with her, which made her heart quicken. Perhaps this was the man meant for her. She flew out to Denver for the weekend and almost turned around and got back on the plane when she saw him standing there. He was obese and unattractive, but she felt that perhaps she should give him a chance. They went back to his house, but she found him opinionated, domineering and a rabid Democrat who saw no other point of view. They fought constantly and she took an early flight home, disappointed beyond measure.

It was late August when Madison received a telephone call very late at night. She did not recognize the voice and asked who was calling. “Mark” was the response. “Mark?” she inquired, having no idea who he was. “Oh, Mark!!!” And then she remembered. There had been so many men this last year that it was difficult to remember them all.

Madison and Mark talked on the phone for several hours. She found his foreign accent a little difficult to understand and his attitudes toward life somewhat unusual. She was not sure they had anything in common, wondered why he had even bothered to call, and ended the call as soon as she could without hurting his feelings.

The months went by, and Madison continued to have dates with several men who did not appeal to her. She was beginning to wonder if it was all worth the effort. The putting on of makeup and perfume, wearing sexy clothes, waiting with anticipation for them to arrive, and then….nothing. Perhaps a life alone would be easier. She had done it before…she could do it again.

In December 2008 she went on-line after a disastrous date with a magician, and received an unexpected IM from Mark. She was happy and surprised to hear from him, and they wrote back and forth on the computer for hours. Their conversation was witty, sexy and outrageous. As before, she thought “Why not? I’ll never meet him. I can flirt all I like without doing any harm.”

However, that was not the case. “I’m driving to San Diego to see my mother for Christmas” he said. “I’d like to stop by and see you on my way back home.”

Her heart stopped. She had not expected this. What would he want from her? He wasn’t even her type physically, and of course he was so young.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea” Madison responded. “I have a bad cold, and don’t feel too well.”

“I’d really like to see you. Just as a friend. Please.”

Dammit, she thought. Well, maybe? It couldn’t hurt, could it?

“Okay, but call me and let me know exactly when you will be here. My husband and children will here for Christmas day. Perhaps the next day would work out better.”

Christmas Eve came and went, and Mark telephoned that evening.

“I’m at my mother’s and I’d like to come see you tomorrow.”

“No, not tomorrow. It’s Christmas tomorrow. Why don’t you come the next day?”

“All right. The next day.”

Madison panicked. “What am I doing” she asked herself. “I don’t feel well. I have bronchitis. He sounds weird on the phone. Maybe he has a cleft palate, maybe that is why his voice sounds so odd. Perhaps he will want to have sex with me. What shall I do?”

Conflicting thoughts raced through her mind and she finally sat down at the computer and sent Mark an email.

“Please do not come. I have changed my mind. I have bronchitis and don’t feel well. I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to meet. I am sorry.”

The day after Christmas, the telephone rang about 7 pm.

“I am on my way. I’ll be there around 10 pm” he said.

“Oh God. He didn’t get my email,” Madison thought. Now what am I going to do.

“Okay” she responded, resignedly. Call me when you get close to the house, and I’ll help you find it.

December 26, 2008 11 pm

The phone rang, making Madison’s heart jump. She picked it up.

“I’m getting close” he said. “I’m almost on your street.”

“Okay, I’ll come outside and stand in the road so you can see me” she replied.

A quick glance in the mirror, and Madison left the house, blind with panic. “Please God, don’t make him have a defect” she begged. “Let him be normal.”

She walked outside, stepping through the patio and down the narrow stone-paved walkway to the street. She stood in the middle of the darkened road and looked south. Coming towards her was the strangest looking man. He was wearing a fishing hat with a battery and light contraption attached to the top of it so he could see. This couldn’t be Mark, could it? It was. Oh God!!

Madison walked up to Mark, and gave him a quick hug. She couldn’t see him in the dark, so took his arm, and led him into her house. She closed the French doors, turned on the lights and took a good look at her friend, this stranger standing before her.

And she smiled.

He was tall but well built. Yes, his blond hair was thinning, but he had beautiful blue eyes, a small straight nose, and the most perfect white teeth. He was absolutely beautiful and Madison felt relief pulsating through her entire body.

He sat down on the sofa and they looked at one another for what seemed hours. There was an instant connection, as though she had come home. He talked, but she didn’t hear a word he said, just listened to the cadence of his soft German accent. It was almost midnight, when the back door opened and her children appeared unexpectedly. They had left earlier to go to the airport, but had missed the plane. They took one look at Mark, sitting on the sofa, smirked knowingly, and made themselves scarce, racing upstairs into the spare bedroom.

Madison felt embarrassment flooding through her. What should she do now? It was late. Where did he think he would be sleeping? She took a sideways look at him again. Damn, he was gorgeous. She took his hand and said “I’m tired, let’s go to bed.”

Madison came out of her bathroom, face washed, teeth brushed, wearing a sexy new nightgown. Mark was sitting up in bed, looking somewhat scared and a little overwhelmed. But he also looked familiar to her, as though she had known him forever.

She climbed into bed with him and he took her hand. She could feel him trembling beside her, so she placed his hand on her breast. He leaned over her and kissed her.

“I only came here because I wanted to meet you” he assured her.
“I didn’t come to have sex with you.”

“Hush” Madison whispered, afraid that her children in the next room would hear them. She placed her hand on his chest, and felt his heart pounding. He rolled over and kissed her again.

The night seemed never to end. They made love for hours and hours. It was the most fulfilling and satisfying lovemaking Madison had ever experienced.

They spent the weekend together, biking at the beach, eating at local restaurants, playing tennis and talking non-stop. But most of all, making the most passionate, exciting love that Madison had ever known. It was as if they were meant to be together. Madison felt a completion she had never known before with this young man. And when it was time for him to leave, it was with the knowledge that he would be back – again and again.

And to her amazement he did return. Every month for the next year he came and stayed with her for weeks at a time. It was inconceivable to Madison that such a young man could have the maturity and capability for love as he did. But as each day passed, she fell more and more in love with him. This was a man in a million. A man who knew what real love was. Not just physical passion, but someone who understood that a woman needs more than that.

Mark was there for Madison in every way possible. He listened to what she had to say, and remembered every detail. He cared about her health, racing to get ice when she fell off her bike , offering her water, making sure she took her vitamins. They would fall about laughing like children when something struck them as funny. He would telephone her every day when they were not together and generally forced her to believe that she was a desirable woman who deserved real love. “I wouldn’t care if you were ninety” he declared. I love who you are. I have never met a woman as beautiful, caring and giving as you are. I have done without love for so many years, and I am not going to let you go.”

Every flaw in Madison’s house was repaired by the very talented Mark. Her car ran smoothly and her emotional needs were very well taken care of.

They spent their first anniversary in Maui, walking hand in hand along the beach, wrapped up in each other. No-one seemed to realize or even care that this was a forty-two year old man with a sixty-seven year old woman. They glowed. They were in love. They were meant to be. And, yes, they are still living their happily ever after.