DANCERS
Beautiful Ballerina, all twirling tulle tutu,
Elegantly executing a pirouette,
To the Swan Lake of Tchaikovsky
Or Les Jeux de Claude Debussey
Or Prokoviev’s Romeo and Juliet.
Sultry Señorita in a sequinned, satin dress,
Wildly clicking-clacking with her castanets;
To the strumming of guitarras,
Clapping hands and drumming feet,
In a passion, through a haze of wine and cigarettes.
Sexy little rock-chick in a thigh-high leather-skirt,
Bumping and a-grinding in a red-hot glow,
To the Stones and Guns’n’Roses,
Iggy Pop and John Bon Jovi,
And U2, or when she’s really wrecked, to Status Quo.
Comments
tcook | August 5, 2010 - 13:24
Hi Helvigo,
Hope you enjoyed your hols - this one works but I don't think the Shelley fits the original metre. I may need to go and check - but I'll believe you if you tell me I'm wrong.
h jenkins | August 5, 2010 - 15:43
Hi Tony. Yes the hols were good. Went to Brittany and the weather was good. If you ever go, do try to see the Isles de Brehat. Fascinating place.
Anyway, about the Shelley one. I wrote my version in iambic pentameter though a couple of trochee openings are included. Shelley's is mainly in iambic pentameter though there are several deviations from it.
For instance the line "Nothing beside remains. Round the decay" I read as trochee/iamb/iamb/trochee/iamb.
It depends how it's read but there are two other lines which I think also start with a trochee and a couple more lines that include trochees or possibly spondees. I suspect spondees as that would give a sense of portentousness which I guess he intended.
In addition, if one renders Ozymandias as five syllables which I suspect most people would do, then the line which includes the name has 11 syllables.
So you're right that my version lacks the sense of grandeur that Shelley's has. As mine's basically bathos, I decided not to try to follow old Perce too closely.
But thanks for the cherries and your encouragement for the whole cycle. Still searching for the rest so there should still be a few more; as always, some weaker than others.
Helvigo Jenkins
Edited PS
Shelley's rhyme structure is a bit odd and I did follow that closely but put in one rhyme where his lacks for it.