Paying the Ferryman - Three Poems on Crete

TOWELS OF BRAVE ULYSSES

It’s eight a.m. but all around the sunlit pool,
The loungers and recliners are already full.
No people mind; just towels, to stake an early claim:
It isn’t only Germans – the Brits all do the same.

WHY ICARUS FLEW

Just yesterday, the wife insisted
Some nice excursions should be made;
This was a notion I resisted
But she must always be obeyed.
And so we toddled off together
To hire ourselves a Hyundai:
It really wasn’t very clever –
Pray heed me as I tell you why.

The soddin’ gear-stick’s on the wrong side –
I fumbled with it ev’ry time;
Whenever others drew alongside,
It was a bloody pantomime.
Well, I admit I got quite nervous
And started wondering, “What if
Some crazy Cretan – God preserve us –
Went and forced us off a cliff?”

THESEUS UNBOUND

I went into a small Taverna,
On hearing that the food was good;
But Zeus! It was a stomach churner,
For nothing tasted as it should.

I asked for bread and some tsatsiki,
Not knowing what would then befall.
It wasn’t long till I felt peaky;
I didn’t feel too well at all.

I’ve always liked fresh calamari,
Much favoured by the best gourmands;
Such simple fare should not miscarry,
But this was like fried rubber bands.

I ordered chips and pork souvlaki,
As swarms of mozzies buzzed around;
And by the time I’d drunk my raki,
It’s for the toilet I was bound.

I claimed the bill in desperation,
Becoming green around the gills;
My shirt now drenched in perspiration,
I spent the evening popping pills.