Muddy Puddle Muddle Chapter Two - The Journey Begins


from the ABC set Childrens Tales

Chapter Two - The Journey Begins

“Sorry to wake you”, said Asrai, “but we do need your assistance,
we are going on a journey of considerable distance”.

The Snail smiled at them both, “Jump upon my back,
I’ll be much less grumpy once I’ve had a little snack.”
Then Oren and the Puddle climbed aboard their Snail Coach friend,
and prepared to start the journey away from Rainbow’s End.
“Now hold on tight”, said Pearly Sterling, “I don’t want you to fall,
‘cause I’m like no other snail you have ever seen before.
Other snails go slowly and crawl along the floor,
but I’ve been blessed by magic that’s as ancient as folklore.
I can maneuver very quickly and soon pick up a pace,
so you’d better put your seatbelts on before we leave this place.”
Then as the Snail began to move what started as a slide,
soon got up a momentum and then became a glide.

“How do you know the way” said Oren, “to the place called Whirling Willow,
I didn’t see a map there left on Aunt Olinda’s pillow?”

“Don’t you worry my little acorn”, said the Snail, “it’s left at this next junction,
for I’ve got something known by many as magnetic navigation.
I know my way around these woods and have memorised it’s features,
I’ve seen every type of folk and encountered many of it’s creatures.
There isn’t a part of this Kingdom I truly haven’t seen,
especially when you’re the transport for a noble Fairy Queen.”

Oren was amazed as he looked upon the Snail,
and was equally enchanted by the colours in his trail.
There was every hue of the rainbow glistening on the ground,
and as the Snail got faster there came a jangling sound.
The sound came from the antenna which swayed above his head,
and the noise got even louder the faster that they sped.
The shell was opalescent in an array of stunning colours,
and if you looked more closely you could see tiny painted flowers.
In the centre of each flower was set a shining little gemstone,
and Oren was reminded of Aunt Olinda’s Fairy Queen throne.
So there they start their journey away from Rainbow’s End,
with a muddy puddle muddle they needed to amend.

As the friends then traveled among the ancient trees,
they swept along the paths lined with dainty white daisies.
They talked about their family’s and good times with their friends,
and what they liked to do on dreary wet weekends.
“I really loved to dance” said Asrai, remembering the days,
when she’d play with other fairies in the July hot summer haze.
“Each fairy would carry a little bell, then when we should begin,
the bells would sound a tinkle and we’d prance and leap and spin.
I would twirl and pirouette, so high into the air,
wearing pretty ribbons in my golden flowing hair.
A fairy’s home is in the flower beds, hidden deep inside you see,
in every single flower, in every single tree.”

Pearly Sterling slowed his pace and shouted to his passengers,
“I think we should stop for lunch, my intrepid little travelers.
We will soon come to a village, a place you will enjoy,
it’s a place where good things happen to every girl and boy.
The village of Little Shay will be our first rest stop,
I know I need some food before my antenna start to flop.”
But as the three got closer, instead of cheer and laughter,
there came a weeping, wailing sound with howls of grief thereafter.
In the glade before them stood a group of tiny forms,
wearing dresses made of silk and heavily adorned.
In their hands they held small tambourines and flutes and drums and whistles,
and on their heads were woven crowns of berries, fruits and thistles.

“What on earth is wrong?” said Oren, he slid down from Pearly’s shell,
“who has caused such sorrow and weaved this troubled spell?”
The group of children turned to see the three, and started then to babble,
and what started as a story told by one, soon became a jumbled rabble.

“Please, one at a time” snapped Asrai, “we cannot hear to think”,
the children then simmered down, their cheeks now flushed bright pink.
“You in the front” she pointed, “what please is your name?”
and the smallest then stepped forward and two others did the same.

“Our names are Teeny, Snippet and Ounce”, they said in doleful chorus,
“we’ve gotten ourselves in an awful mess, with no-one who can help us.
Tomorrow is our Autumnal Fest, the festival of the year,
where villagers from Little Shay are full of festive cheer.
‘Tis written in the records our tradition, that on this happy day,
the children should dance and sing, for the Mayor of Little Shay.
But, we are in a pickle, for our dance is such a frightful shambles,
that we’re sure the Mayor of Little Shay will throw us to the brambles.”

“Oh, come now,” said the Puddle, “It really can’t be that bad,
and getting your steps muddled up, should not make you so sad.
I can teach you how to dance”, she said, “and make this dance brand new,
for I’m a fairy dancer, and can show you what to do.”
Oren and Pearly Sterling smiled, and settled on the grass,
whilst Asrai ushered her new students, and began her pleasant task.
“The Flutterbug Jig”, said Asrai shall be the dance that we will learn,
and she began to teach the steps, helping every child in turn.
Before the children knew it, they we’re dancing The Flutterbug Jig,
and Oren joined in dancing waving ribbons on a twig.

“I think you all are ready” said Oren, “you really have worked hard”
I can say now I have seen it, why it’s held in such regard.
I am sure that any person watching, will love to see your dance,
and we’d love to come and see it, if you would give us the chance.”
The children all then cheered, and waved their flutes and cymbals,
and sat and shared some fairy wine in tiny little thimbles.

The friends then walked together with the group to Little Shay,
and they quickly found a lodging house, in which they all could stay.
The evening of Autumnal Fest, the dark air sparkled and glittered,
the moon it lit the village and the candle lamps all flickered.
There was the fragrant smell of Clover and the sound of Lily-bells,
which filled the air with magic and the hint of uncast spells.
Around the town were garlands of freshly cut fine flowers,
which were woven ‘round the towns clock, that told the folk the hours.
Under the sprinkling of stars, the musicians struck up the band,
and the silvery voices singing could be heard around the land.
In the village green stood a graceful Cherry tree,
with it’s sumptuous hanging cherries, as red as red could be.

It was in this place of enchantment, that our three friends did begin,
to join in with all the merriment and drink some Elfin Gin.
They talked to all the villagers, who made all three most welcome,
because they loved new people of whom they met so seldom.
They sang and danced and made jolly with all the elder folk,
who sat on little mushrooms with their acorn pipes to smoke.
Then as the clock struck midnight, who then should appear,
but the Mayor of Little Shay with pointed Elfin ears.
“Welcome one and all”, he said, “I trust I find you well,
for tonight’s a special night, for casting a very special spell.”

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

insertponceyfre... | February 6, 2012 - 14:51

Hannah, I enjoyed this, but i think it could do with a re-read, and another run through with your spellcheck

hannahhepton | February 6, 2012 - 16:15

Dear insertponceyfrenchnamehere

Thank you so much for the feedback. That will teach me to upload things in a hurry!!! It was fine in Word, so thank you. Glad you enjoyed it despite the errors. Hannah xx

gillyellis | February 11, 2012 - 22:56

Awesome Hannah, love the imagery - can't wait for the next chapter!

hannahhepton | February 13, 2012 - 12:13

Thanks Gilly, so pleased you like it :)

scratch | February 13, 2012 - 12:27

Wow hannah, I think you've done a great job with this. I am amazed at how you have maintained the rhyme and metre without it seeming forced. Well done. I think that you should be perfectly happy with it as it is.

hannahhepton | February 13, 2012 - 13:36

Thank you very much. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. The fact I've chosen verse has caused hours of debate between an author friend and myself, so glad you think it's just fine as it is :) XXX

Stan | February 13, 2012 - 15:27

I think this is really good, Hannah. Great images and characters - and it works really well in verse. I think you made the right decision with that.

The only little niggles I have are with the metre. This isn't a criticism... it's probably just me. I like to see some variations in rhythm in a poem, and you handle this really well. Certain lines, though, I stumbled over. I'll just give a quick example:

The Snail smiled at them both, “Jump upon my back,
I’ll be much less grumpy once I’ve had a little snack.”

They're iambic lines, but the way they're written - to me, anyway - puts some of the stresses in awkward places. I read it as:

The SNAil SMIled AT them BOTH, "JUMP upON my BACK,
I'LL be MUCH less GRUMpy ONCE I've HAD a LITTle SNACK."

I'd have preferred to read it as something more like:

The SNAil GAVE them BOTH a SMILE, "JUMP upON my BACK,
i WON'T be QUITE so GRUMpy ONCE i've HAD a LITTle SNACK."

Try reading both versions aloud and see how the flow feels to you.

The same with:

“I really loved to dance” said Asrai, remembering the days,
when she’d play with other fairies in the July hot summer haze.

Try dropping the word 'hot' and see how that feels - or replace 'July hot' with 'gorgeous' or something.

You may disagree, and so may others... like I said, it may be just the way I read it.

Apart from that, though... it's great! Looking forward to more...

scratch | February 13, 2012 - 15:51

Now that's what I call a comment :)

If we could all aspire to review like this it really would be grand. You're an example to us all Stan.

Christine | February 13, 2012 - 18:38

I love this verse style
It made me linger a while.
Well done on the cherry
I hope it made you merry.

You can see why I steer clear of poetry!

oldpesky | February 13, 2012 - 21:49

Hi hannah. I loved the first one in this series as much as your Daisy Loves to Bounce. Good to see you carrying on with it. Stan has hit the nail on the head. Practise reading each verse aloud as if reading to a group of children and you'll identify where the metre occasionally stumbles. Definitely worth another draft. Best of luck.

hannahhepton | February 14, 2012 - 14:26

Thank you to all who have taken the time to reply to my plea for feedback. I have read your comments with great interest and will take them all on board. When I next have some time to write I shall be reading my work out loud more to make sure the lines are more fluid. This story is an experiment for me, to challenge my language skills as well as to develop my storytelling. Thank you again for your support :) xxx

lavadis | February 14, 2012 - 15:09

Hannah,

After making the amendments Stan suggests, I think you need to read this to a group of children of the age group that is your target and see how they react.