Wafer-thin she cringes in the corner
As his Japanese boot comes down on her
Daddy is the tyrant disguised as a rebel
Black rain and the vine is raped
scalps are being ripped of their hair
spirits and Mother Nature
leaning against the wooden shed
Give to it as you take
Daddy took it all away
And drained the mood
Always instructions as he sat in the wicker chair
And waved his arms in the air
Hiroshima was too hot to die
Mama took her clothes off
And crawled along the railway tracks
She found him ,livid and pale
So afraid of the funeral procession
Dead before he stopped breathing
Crying for his Mama
She told him to sink his spit
And get on with it
Daddy left her in the lurch
As he made his way through the monastery’s archway
The town was a high-street and a grass lawn
She leaned against the fence and shat
If you can split a soul into two
Right to heaven, left to hell
Front and back halves
Daddy left the dreaming to circumstance
And she blew his mind
Angst, lying there, just waiting
Suffering in the chaos
of nightmares Daddy
Let her be forever grateful
And she gave you the illusion
Of comfort and care
She took his hand in hers
Watching the sun boil a hole in indifference
And the cool cool ice slide down the sheets
These towers of pain
And isms of decades
Comments
Beeme | January 8, 2012 - 13:45
I found this very powerful Pia, lots of fabulous images which get the message across.
Beeme xx
Silver Spun Sand | January 8, 2012 - 15:44
This has left me almost speechless, pia.
Very powerful as Beeme says, and the imagery, never more vivid than in the last stanza.
Tina;-)
MistakenMagic | January 8, 2012 - 15:59
I agree with Tina, the last stanza is my favourite. A beautiful poem with a powerful finish. Well done, Pia!
Magic xxx
skinner_jennifer | January 8, 2012 - 17:27
Phew! Pia,
this one took me by surprise, the images were quite
poignant.
I could tell you really worked hard on this piece,
the delivery was sensational, because I could tell
it came from the heart and you got right to the point, hitting the reader with your feelings.
Well done Pia.
Jenny.
Highhat | January 8, 2012 - 17:32
A joy to see you here Beeme and read your comment. Thank you ever so much.
;)Pia
Highhat | January 8, 2012 - 17:34
Tina I am grateful for your reading this. I hope you aren't speechless for long though. I am so glad you enjoyed this- yes it is a bit hard hitting isn't it?
;)Pia
Might change the title- it doesn't really make sense I think!? I'm not sure at all
Highhat | January 8, 2012 - 17:35
Magic thanks oodles for reading and commenting. I wrote this at 2.30 in the morning and it turned out as it did- I am pleased you liked it makes me like it even more..
;)Pia
Highhat | January 8, 2012 - 17:39
Jenny- I loved your comment. You hit the nail on the head- this is very personal so yes it did come straight from the heart and it is hard hitting as I said to Tina but I think you got that message.
Thanks ever so much for your comment and for taking the time to read this . I am very grateful and value your opinion any day. It's people like yourself who keep this site so lively and friendly and genuine.
;)Pia
well-wisher | January 8, 2012 - 21:56
I think this is one of the best poems you've written Pia. Very powerful.
Its a poem of intense emmotion full of striking images and memorable lines, particularly
"scalps are being ripped of their hair"
"Hiroshima was too hot to die"
Theres alot of violence in the imagery and its a poem seething with anger which really suits the subject matter well.
I've read alot of 'angry' poems by other posters that I didn't think worked but I really feel the anger in this piece.
You really deserve a cherry for this but, even more than that, I think this poem deserves to be published. You should try submitting it to a magazine.
The last stanza is brilliant. Especially the contrast between heat and cold which I thought
worked really well,
"Watching the sun boil a hole in indifference
And the cool cool ice slide down the sheets"
It sent shivers down my spine.
Highhat | January 9, 2012 - 04:41
I'm really glad this sent shivers down your spine John- that was in fact what I was trying to achieve. It sort of did the same for me as I was writing it-it is meant to be that hard hitting. There are so many emotions wrapped up in this piece- more than I have tried before. I am just so very pleased that you think I should publish it- I take that seriously coming from you but I wouldn't know where to begin but I will consider it.
Thank you so much. I am really pleased you got so much from this.
You have made my day..
;)Pia
Parson Thru | January 12, 2012 - 22:17
This is wonderful stuff, Pia. So intense. I can't believe you were doubting your use of English. I wish I could use it like you. This is one to read over in quiet moments.
Highhat | January 13, 2012 - 04:12
Thank you very much for an encouraging comment Parson- glad you enjoyed this one.
;)Pia
Cavalcaderl | January 13, 2012 - 15:24
new Highhat
Hi! pia,
Really gripping poem,many
truth's in real life maybe!
And agree with all other's comments.
Now I know what! the title means, ah! looked
up the dictioanry by me, fits the poem exactly.
I too like the last stanza.
julie xx
alphadog1 | January 15, 2012 - 19:39
was this hard to write as I feel it was? We are all supposed to be able to handle our emotions; But I feel that poets have the hardest time of all; because poets feel everything, all of the time.
The anger and the pain in this is very clear; as is the raw emotion. Personally I found the first stanza jarring.
"Wafer-thin she cringes in the corner
As his Japanese boot comes down on her
Daddy is the tyrant disguised as a rebel
Black rain and the vine is raped
scalps are being ripped of their hair"
the thaird stanza too was brilliant in its imagery.
"Always instructions as he sat in the wicker chair
And waved his arms in the air
Hiroshima was too hot to die
Mama took her clothes off
And crawled along the railway tracks"
I could go on, but I won't... its tough, bloody raw to read, ugly but painfully honest too. what I am trying to say is I can feel tears as you wrote it. It's brave of you to have done so.
hugs for the new year.
Andy
Highhat | January 15, 2012 - 19:42
Gee thanks Andy for your kind comment- glad you got so much from this. You know Sylvia Platt's poetry got me started on this one- guess I stole her theme- Daddy and it worked well for me too.
hugs to you too- hope you're well?
;)Pia
alphadog1 | January 15, 2012 - 20:15
yeah two months dry and counting. I still have some pain in my side, but its easing... so... I am fed up with my OU course, its dry as dust and hard to grasp. "dissent and tradition" which is interesting. but the essay is "in what ways has Roman Catholicism been an example of religious tradition in England." I can't shake the ten commandments from my head. so my angle is the law.
re your powerful poem... I felt Sylvia was in there. she has a way of popping up in mine too. I fell in love with her when I began reading her journals last year. (And I still feel she was murdered, though not by Ted Hughes... but by David Wevill. I want to see if they will open the case but I don't know how to do stuff like that... its the inconsistencies... the she didn't tape herself in to the kitchen, just the kids room. But Huges second wife also died in exactly the same way, and this time the child died... a baby does scream... so many little things, that get ignored.) Sylvia's writing is just beautiful from the very start; from the page I could feel her. she is an inspiration.
Highhat | January 16, 2012 - 09:04
Yeah Andy-keep it up- You must be so proud! If it can be any consolation- I have been there too- now it is 2 years since I gave it up and the feeling that I just don't need it is so good. You open your eyes to a lot of things, change crowds and get some more meaning out of life. And you feel healthy- that is very important! The first few months are the worst but you are well on your way.
Oh I didn't know that about Platt- about her husband killing her ! Yes her poetry appeals to me as do some American muscians from the time and the British as well. Music and the lyrics have really got me through a lot of tough times.
Does sound a bit heavy with your OU- maybe you will be moving on to more exciting subjects later?
Thanks for coming back to me.
;)Pia