This is not a Pipe

This is not a Pipe

What do you do when you want to write, but can't? You begin with a title: Ceci n'est pas une pipe. Why? Because a moment before choosing it I read something that went 'this is not a ...' and automatically, in my mind, added 'pipe'. Now I can't remember what the original word was. I don't think it matters.

Many people think that Ceci n'est pas une pipe is the title of a well known painting by René Magritte. They are wrong. In the picture. the words Ceci n'est pas une pipe are painted beneath an image of a pipe, but the title of the painting is La trahison des images.

To tell the truth, I have no proof that anybody anywhere has ever believed the title of the painting to be Ceci n'est pas une pipe. My statement is utterly unfounded. You really shouldn't have let that pass, you know. If you let me get away with things like that it's only a matter of time before I come out with some really monstrous whopper and you, having been lead astray from the path of verifiable truth and into the swamps of rhetoric, will have no choice but to believe me. You'll have to trust whatever I say in case I stop writing and leave you stranded there. The only alternative would be to un-read this piece and hope to get back to where you started. Good luck to you!

Sometimes I think I might be a philosopher, but which one? There are so many to choose from. Should I go for a famous one and enjoy an already established reputation, or should I choose a more difficult path in the hope of greater rewards? I should like to be a philosopher who smokes a pipe. There are so many poses you can strike. You can also use your pipe to illustrate your points. "Ceci n'est pas un tableau," I could say, holding my pipe aloft. My audience would nod sagely. My pipe is indeed not a painting. Where are the brush strokes?

Maybe somebody would paint my portrait while I was holding up my pipe. I wonder what phrase they'd paint beneath it. This is not a pipe is old hat, although the pipe is new. This is not a philosopher could be libellous. This is not a painting would be demonstrably false, even though that was what I was saying at the time. I'm not about to argue the finer points of philosophy with a painter. My profession would make me un-paintable.

Maybe we've just proved that it is a pipe after all? Philosophy is a tricky beast. Maybe everything is pipe, as Microsoft once tried to prove with an ancient Windows NT screensaver. Maybe it's all a matter of who pays the piper? Maybe we should inspect Billie's sister Pissa's tattoos? Anything that's written down on a pissa piper must be true. (God, that was an effort. Was it worth it?)

This is not a pipe, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Maybe I won't bother trying to write anything today after all.