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Messiah to Mummy

Posted by innes-may on November 28, 2011 - 23:12
from the ABC set Odd Thoughts

Messiah to mummy.
Mother to brother. Mother to sister.
Daughter is eldest. Daughter is best. Means she is good. Means she says yes.
Prescriptions. Nineteen eleven fifty nine. Appointments.
Appointments mean doctors. Must ring between nine and nine thirty. Counsellors mean this time it will be different.
Means she can have the day off school.
Hearings mean fines. Means nine nine nine.
Means what did I do last night...on a scale of one to ten?
Means say it a bit softer. Means leave out the worst.
Means making things better. Means cooking the tea.
Means go down the shop. Means feed the cats.
Means empty the ashtray. Means tidy the flat.
School meetings mean social workers. Means reports. Means think quickly.
Means smile 'oh we're ok'. Means sympathetic interviews.
Means saying the right thing. Means protection. Means loyalty.
Loyalty means love. Love means there is still a chance.
Trying means hoping. Means doing the best. Doing the most.
Doing anything to help. Means she is a good girl.
Means she feels strong, she feels wise. She feels old.
She is an angel, no, she is a saint. Means she is special.
Being grown up means mature for your age.
Means a compliment. Means she is needed.
Means she is loved.
Means being Messiah,
Messiah to mummy.

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Comments

tcook | November 30, 2011 - 11:21

This is our Facebook and Twitter pick of the day.

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Get a great reading recommendation most days.

I really like this - but is it clear enough? Is it sufficiently poetic? I'd be interested in your thoughts.

innes-may | November 30, 2011 - 12:31

Thanks for your comments (and pick!), hmmm I think you may be right on the clarity and poetry of it. It was written in a bit of a rush, to be honest. The theme needs a bit more development and time to 'stew', but I was excited to be writing again so didn't want to hang around...
Could you say which bits in particular are unclear?
Thanks,
Innes x

Leander42 | November 30, 2011 - 15:57

I think it's clear enough - the reader just has to take some time with it. Tragedy is that there are so many young people in the same position.

I think the pace and the rhythm are excellent and are down to the sponteneity with which it was written - well worth the cherry.

Well done.

london_calling79 | November 30, 2011 - 17:04

I like it. Gets the feeling of the rush across brilliantly. We really do need to make snap decisions nowadays and every action seems to have a few consequences. I think this piece of writing conveys that clearly.

insertponceyfre... | November 30, 2011 - 18:09

I think the thing I like best about this is the chanting rhythm - like a child repeating times tables juxtaposed with very adult themes. This jars in a good way.

Archie_Macjoyce | December 2, 2011 - 17:01

Yes, this is a superbly gritty and edgy poem, which is why I feel you don't need to make it more poetic. The ordinariness and repetition of the language befit the harshness of what's going on in the poem.

innes-may | December 3, 2011 - 12:08

Thank-you one and all for your generous and encouraging feedback. It feels as though this poem is like distinguishing a voice from the crowds of thoughts, and putting it to paper, it's so interesting and helpful to know that it communicates something to others too. There's more;the same voice and others waiting in the wings. Thanks again
Innes x

shoe | December 5, 2011 - 12:08

A very thought provoking poem, -yes it is poetic enough, whatever that means- I had to read it a couple of times to really get it, but isn't that a good thing?
Well picked POW.