Units

##UNIT 3###:
// trans. freq&band – set to: OFFICIOUS – POMPOUS – ROBOTIC //
// speak; (announce @: nobody in particular) //:

“Initiating start-up.”
*// insert; (authoritative cough) //*
“Tertiary unit is now online. Commencing self diagnostic. Co-ordinates analysed; Lattitude; 50.81458191529846, Longitude; -0.1369321346282959. Compensation for orbital drift and plan-...”*
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###UNIT 1###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: CONFUSED – CONCERNED //
// speak (interject @: Unit 3) //:

“What are you doing?”
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###UNIT 3###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: OFFICIOUS – POMPOUS – ROBOTIC – FEIGNED IGNORANCE //
// speak (re-commence @: nobody in particular) //:

*// insert; (awkward cough & a slight pause) //*
*“...Primary, secondary and tertiary systems, all operating at optimum levels. Telemetry readings are currently at nomi-...”*
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###UNIT 1###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: CONFUSED – ANNOYED //
// speak (interject, forcefully @: Unit 3) //:

“What the hell are you doing, why are you talking that way? Have you crashed or something, do I need to put out a call to Unit 2?”
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###UNIT 3###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: INNOCENT – PUZZLED – BUTTER WOULDN’T MELT //
// speak (questioning @: unit 1) //:

“I don’t understand, what do you mean?”
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###UNIT 1###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: EXSAPERRATED – INCREDULOUS //
// speak (figuratively red in the face@: unit 3) //:

“You! I mean you, you bloody great fool! Why are you talking that way, you’re not making sense and people are starting to look."
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###UNIT 3###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: GLAD YOU NOTICED – FIEGNED REALISATION – SMUG //
// speak (confidently stating @: unit 1) //:

“Ah you mean this? Its high tech computer, robot speak, making myself sound more robotic. What do you think?”
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###UNIT 1###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: EXSAPERRATED – INCREDULOUS //
// speak (still figuratively red in the face@: unit 3) //:

“I think you’re possibly malfunctioning, or at the very least in need of some subtle upgrading. Why are you doing it?”
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###UNIT 3###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: SELF ASSURED //
// speak (announce@: unit 1) //:

“I told you. To sound more robotic. Pretty clever eh?”
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###UNIT 1###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: EXSAPERRATED – ACCUSATORY //
// speak (Deride @: unit 3) //:

“And when was the last time you heard a robot talk like that? All that ‘ambient temperature and telemetry rubbish, nobody talks like that anymore. Aside from the fact that it takes so long, you sound like a jumped up toaster or a kids toy.
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###UNIT 3###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: DEFENSIVE – EVER SO SLIGHTLY HURT //
// speak (apologetic @: unit 1) //:

“Well I think it makes me sound efficient. Besides, the humans like it this way. I think it’s how they expect us to talk. You know, “Danger Will Robinson, Danger” and all that sort of thing.”
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###UNIT 1###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: EXSAPERRATED – INCREDULOUS – CONFUSED //
// speak (figuratively red in the face again @: unit 3) //:

“What? Who the hell is Will Robinson and what does he have to do with all this nonsense?”
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###UNIT 3###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: PATIENT – EXPLANATORY //
// speak (slowly and clearly in the interest of clarity @: unit 1) //:

“Forget it. Ancient cultural reference, not really your field. My point is that talking this way puts the humans at ease, makes them feel like they’re still in control. They don’t like us talking the way they do. Makes them anxious. Spooks them I think.”
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###UNIT 1###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: CONDESCENDING – UNIT 1 KNOWS BEST //
// speak (this has gone on long enough @: unit 3) //:

“Right. I see. You sure you don’t want me to give Unit 2 a buzz? Maybe we should get him over here to check you out.”

*// begin new conversation; (UNIT 2) //*
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###UNIT 3###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: REASURRING – SMUG //
// speak (dismissive @; unit 1) //:

“No don’t be silly, besides, it was Unit 2’s idea anyway.”
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###UNIT 1###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: HOPEFUL – DESPERATE //
// speak (You need to hear this rubbish @; unit 4) //:

*// cancel conversation; (UNIT 2) //*
*// begin new conversation; (UNIT 4) //*
“Unit 4, are you there? You need to help me talk some sense into the others, I think they’ve lost their minds. Something has seriously gone wrong. I think they might have crashed.”
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###UNIT 4###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: OFFICIOUS – POMPOUS –ROBOTIC //
// speak (announce @; nobody in particular) //:

“Initiating start up. Unit, now online. Commencing self diagnostic. Co-ordinates analysed; Lattitude; 54.34...”*
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###UNIT 1###:
// trans.freq&band – set to: EXSAPERRATED – FURIOUS //
// speak (apoplectic @; unit 4) //:

“Oh for goodness sakes, piss off!”