That damned man, Sam.
(Damn Sam, I hate green eggs and ham.)
Sam had a knack for disappearing ever since he was a little boy. Whenever the chips were down Sam was nowhere to be found.
When they were little boys and had been naughty the teacher would let them line up for punishment, which was usually a hiding. Sam would pull his disappearing trick and be nowhere to be found. The teacher would say "Where's that damn Sam?! and when he did not appear the teacher would meet out more severe punishment to the other boys because of his absence.
In the army they were once led into an ambush. When the survivors returned to camp they all asked " Where was that damn Sam. And found him lying in a hammock in the shade of some palm trees, sipping on a tall glass of cold beer.
When his wife went into labour with their first and only child, Sam was nowhere in the vicinity. She yelled between the contractions "Where's my damn man, Sam?!.
At work, when the pressure was on (It was always when the pressure was on), Sam was nowhere to be found. His bosses would look at each other in panic and bewilderment and shout, "Where's that damn man, Sam?! Where the damn?
Always after Sunday church service the reverend would turn to his wife and whisper, "Where was that damned man, Sam? When his wife's family held an important wedding or funeral, his in-laws were always left wondering, "Where was that damned man, Sam.
So Sam went through life never being there when anyone needed him, because he didn't see the need. On the contrary, he made quite sure never to be around when need was pressing.
In the old age home he was never around when it was medication time and the matron was always yelling, "Where is that damned old man, Sam ?!. So it went until he was ninety-nine years old and he eventually passed away.
At the funeral his wife insisted that his coffin be opened so that she could be sure that Sam could at least face this one responsibility in life; death. They slowly preyed open the lid of the coffin and, lo and behold, it was empty.
Everyone cried; "Where's that damned man, Sam?! Damn. Damn. Damn.
The end.
