April Fool (1st April 2008, 12.39pm)
It was all a joke, wasn’t it?
Timed to coincide,
Fluttering out and up into blue obscurity
Like the wings of a startled crow,
A shabby flight of fancy,
A prelude
To this
Day.
Here lies impurity,
Muddled faith
And a twisted sweaty tangle
That is only four limbs now;
Half an octopus.
The first.
You were,
Yes you were,
Changing my mind,
My heart,
My ways…
So here I sit,
Gazing out at infinity,
The sunny space outside the window
As the wind shakes the building
Like God is coming,
Pure, pure, pure
Pleasure…
You taught me
How.
It was all a joke, was it?
It takes two;
Two people to have a conversation;
Two people to construct a phone-call;
One of them is me,
So where are you?
Comments
Theresa C Newbill (not verified) | January 28, 2009 - 14:14
The capitalization at the beginning of every line is very amateurish but what really shows a lack of skill is the use of cliche' like "Fluttering out and up into blue obscurity." It's almost as if it's added in just to make the poem sound 'poetic.' This poem getsget weighed down by subsequent adjective-full descriptions which are really obscure. It's not a scroll! Things like this just slows down the pace and causes me (at least) to give up, and think, “Next -”.
I look forward to reading the revision.