I. P. – White rose, Dark stain (29th July, 2010)
In like a bulldozer,
Out like a hurricane.
The path you carve, chaos in your wake,
The bees you stir, the china you break.
My life’s awash with emotional cost,
My heart’s afloat on a tidal wave.
There’s a dark stain on my white rose,
There’s an empty face with a cut-off nose,
There’s a bald patch on my old teddy bear,
There’s a hole up there in the ozone layer.
In like a marching army,
Out like an evacuation.
The seasons change, but you don’t stay,
Time marches on, I’m in your way,
There’s tarnish on my silver spoon,
There’s a shadow on my dreg of truth,
There’s a black mark on my blue suede shoes,
There’s a red wine tide on my half-full moon.
In like a bird scarer,
Out like a pigeon shoot.
Keep your mouth shut, smile in his face,
Don’t make a fuss, rain on his parade.
I was the white rose,
You are the dark stain:
I mistook lust for love,
You gave it a bad name.
Comments
insertponceyfre... | July 30, 2010 - 06:34
I like the mix of serious and not so serious in this poem
chooselife | July 30, 2010 - 08:55
Good stuff - a little reminiscent of Police's 'King Of Pain' ?
jennifer | July 30, 2010 - 11:58
Thank you, poncey, glad it works! Was trying to do 'heavy' with a light touch!
chooselife - Aha, I knew it felt a little oddly familiar! Oh well, never mind! lol
J x
luigi_pagano | July 30, 2010 - 15:10
A very good take on the I.P., Jennifer. The first four lines had me hooked straight away. Thoroughly enjoyable.
Luigi x
jennifer | July 30, 2010 - 17:16
Thanks, Luigi, how kind of you, glad you enjoyed it!
J x
MistakenMagic | July 31, 2010 - 21:48
This is simply brilliant, Jen! The structure is wonderful. One of my all time favourites of yours already. Especially love the final stanza. Well done on a well-deserved cherry ;)
Magic xxx
jennifer | July 31, 2010 - 22:09
Why, thank you, Magic! I confess the structure just sort of happened, I am so thankful to the Gods of Words for this one!
J x
Cavalcaderl | August 1, 2010 - 13:08
New jennifer
Well deserved cherry!
Thoroughly enjoyed, so
cleverly words put together
brill: what talent.
Julie XX
jennifer | August 1, 2010 - 13:35
Thanks, Julie, glad you enjoyed reading, was really fun to write, what great I.P.s we've had last week and this week!
J x
lenchenelf | August 17, 2010 - 09:14
Very good :) similar sardonic humour to Armitage in this one. Enjoyed atb lena xx
jennifer | August 17, 2010 - 09:21
Thanks, Lena, glad it worked as intended and was enjoyed,
J x