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Here (IP)

Posted by jennifer on June 17, 2009 - 13:47
from the ABC set Mind Stew (2009)

Here (IP) (17th June 2009, 2.48pm, edit 8.04pm)

Here inside the ocean of sound slides a space;
Here inside the melee of colour hides your face:

I hear you,
I see you,
I don’t care about race.

Here beside the kingdom of lies stands a truth;
Here over the valley of wounds I raise a roof:

I listen,
I shelter,
I don’t need your proof.

Here within the roomful of sin, innocence;
Here surrounded by the doubted, someone to trust:

I believe,
I concede,
I might need your love.

Here outside the circle of pride sits good grace;
Here before the judged and the bored call out your name:

I will wait,
I’ll support,
I will take your place.

Let them throw their stones and hurtful names;
Pity them; they have nothing left to save:

We will escape,
We will survive,
There will be no disgrace.

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

sarah wilson | June 17, 2009 - 14:22

"Here outside the circle of pride sits good grace"
I love this line, one of many in a beautiful poem.
Sarah x

pinda | June 17, 2009 - 15:36

I enjoed this.
"Let them throw their stones and hurtful names
Pity them; they have nothing left to save".That was a beautifully written and true line.I loved it.

Good work
Pinda
Peace x

Nathan Bednarek | June 17, 2009 - 16:24

This is just brilliant! Original, wise and captivating. As always, dear Jennifer, you have proved what a skilful poet you are!

'Here outside the circle of pride sits good grace'

Wonderful stuff. Well done!

Nathan.

Ewan | June 17, 2009 - 17:27

WIP?

Some lovely lines, the ones mentioned above are just a few.

Wondering about punctuation, not bothered about the apostrophes, just concerned about the use of the commas. Are you happy to have them, when the rest is (save the apostrophes) unpunctuated?

You could put 'innocence' and 'someone to trust' on different lines and (I think?) it would have the same effect on reading out loud.

I like 'Here' as a title: I'm looking forward to your eventual choice.

Ewan, xx

MistakenMagic | June 17, 2009 - 18:33

One word for this Jen - beautiful. Just love the structure, it's so effective! I agree with Ewan, I'm liking 'Here' as a title.

Magic xxx

jennifer | June 17, 2009 - 19:04

Thank you for all the comments, everyone!

Edited, now with too much punctuation?

Now named!

J x

Cavalcaderl | June 18, 2009 - 06:23

Hi' Jennifer this is great' as usual x xI love many lines. ie; remind me of " Sticks and stones "break my bones and names will never hurt me, God went through everything. we all need pinch of salt mouthful of sweet honey and T.L.C did anyone find their computers go wrong last night, it was on the blink' we did pressed Edit
Preview Submit, but I see now Sarah's cooment gone through from me. julie x hence very late night have a good day

threeleafshamrock | June 19, 2009 - 18:42

Stunning Jen. Beautifully crafted and superbly structured. Richly enjoyable.

Chris XX

jennifer | June 20, 2009 - 09:34

Thank you guys, bit different this one, I think I heard it to music but have no hope of ever replicating that part!

J x