Let’s Start Again (4th May, 2011)
Let’s start again, let’s make believe
we could better this. I concede
that it’s my fault, the magpie girl;
one for sorrow, into your world
I spread my wings: black and white,
and all the shades of grey that
lie underneath, and in between,
the sheets we occupied by night.
Let’s turn back time, as Cyndi said;
put out the light, come back to bed,
and we’ll forget, be two for joy;
this lonely world we could destroy.
Can we transcend the little things,
watch bigger pictures swell and blink
before our eyes? Keep our disguise,
not let love push to this brink?
We could try, we could pretend,
suck the ink back into the pens
from all the letters that we sent;
rewind the weeks, switch the clocks
from BST to Greenwich Mean;
put today back up for rent;
unsay words that were unmeant;
retake position on the blocks.
Let’s start again, on New Year’s Eve:
I might repent, this time believe
that it was Fate, or Destiny;
unbury head from sand, count: one,
two, three. Let’s lower the sun
back down the sky; let’s wrap up warm
and stay inside; become the Sofa
King and Queen; reform YouAndMe.
Over your drink, you stare at me:
swallow or spit? So hard to see
which way you’ll go, as ice melts slow;
the cold just ours, the room aglow.
The chains of time weigh on me;
you’re not prepared to set me free,
my gilded cage, my heavy key:
‘Let’s start again,’ you say to me.
Comments
seashore | May 4, 2011 - 20:39
I rather like this Jenny - especially the last stanza.
jennifer | May 4, 2011 - 20:53
Thank you, seashore, for your lovely comment. I'm glad you think the last stanza works well, I was hoping the change of tone would succeed!
J x
mikepyro | May 5, 2011 - 00:52
I often find rhyming pieces tacky but this flowed smoothly and even though a cage key love metaphor is rather bland you avoided the cliche style of presentation that goes along with it. There's sorrow and hope that come together in this piece quite well. Overall a solid piece and deserving of the cherry!
barryj1 | May 5, 2011 - 15:12
I like this a lot. The further I read, I could feel the momentum building and you didn't let me down. This is, far and a way, one of the best poems I've stumbled across in a long time. It's quirky and original, not one solitary word forced or cutesy. I really like this a whole lot!
fatboy74 | May 5, 2011 - 19:38
A strong entry Jennifer, it does flow smoothly as mikeypro says, I think the best poems that rhyme are the ones you don't really notice the rhyme of and this is one of those. I've tried writing these sorts of poems and it's bloody hard so well done. :-)
jennifer | May 5, 2011 - 20:29
Mike, Barry, Fatboy, thank you so much for your wonderful, encouraging and supportive comments. This one was from the heart and I'm glad it's gone down so well!
Fatboy - the internal rhyme thing just sort of happens when I write, I can't explain how, I just hear and see word patterns forming. My advice is just to write what comes naturally - my poems are never as good when I try to force something to happen in them. Funnily enough, this one I heard like a song in my head before committing it to paper.
J x
barryj1 | May 5, 2011 - 20:53
You say:
"The internal rhyme thing just sort of happens when I write, I can't explain how, I just hear and see word patterns forming. My advice is just to write what comes naturally - my poems are never as good when I try to force something to happen in them."
The best advice anybody could offer! I try to do this when I write prose. It involves a lot of white-knuckle risk taking. But you never snatch the brass ring by playing it safe. Again, beautiful poem!
jennifer | May 5, 2011 - 21:31
Barry - I totally agree, and sticking to one's true 'voice' is something we should all do, all of the time, not just in our writing - but in our writing it is so hard, because we are constantly worrying about being judged!
As Shakespeare said (via Polonius): 'To thine own self be true'.
Hear, hear!
J x
barryj1 | May 5, 2011 - 21:53
I just posted a short story, Narcissus and Goldberg, based on a theme from a book by the German existentialist, Hermann Hesse. I went way the hell out on a limb with this one, but it was just cherry-picked so we'll see what happens. There is a ton of insecurity among writers who take risks with their poetry and prose. It goes with the territory, I suppose.
jennifer | May 5, 2011 - 22:14
Hey Barry, I'm going to read that tomorrow, must go to bed, well done on the cherry!
J x
russiandoll | May 8, 2011 - 21:21
This is beautiful Jennifer, well done :))
Nathan Bednarek | May 11, 2011 - 23:36
Ha! Now that's a poem with rhythm! Reads well to the sound of tap dancing ;-)
Another joy to behold! Not just for it's sheer intelligence and charm, but for the care which you have so obviously put into this poem. Wonderful and thank you or posting it.
Nathan x
jennifer | May 12, 2011 - 18:49
Russiandoll & Nathan, thank you so much for your wonderful comments, thank you for reading and enjoying!
J x
Beeme | May 15, 2011 - 10:52
I agree, beautiful. I realy like the third stanza. best of luck with the competition.
Beeme xx
Highhat | May 17, 2011 - 12:57
I couldn't believe I hadn't left a comment so here it is. I really liked this and you did well with the rhyme. I wish you luck in the competition.
;)Pia
Cavalcaderl | May 24, 2011 - 19:51
New Jennifer
Really enjoyed hopes and dreams,
maybe turning the clock back.always
not easy. Good luck to in the comp entry
Sometimes I think quick comes night-time to
late it's gone! Your good putting it all to-gether.
julie xx
jennifer | May 24, 2011 - 20:18
Beeme, Highhat, Julie, thank you so much for your fabulous comments, I really appreciate the feedback! Thank you for the wishes of luck, too!
J x
russiandoll | July 8, 2011 - 00:29
I agree this is great :) Very much enjoyed your work, once again. Good luck!
jennifer | July 8, 2011 - 21:42
Thank you, Russiandoll, how kind of you, glad you enjoyed the read!
J x