Love me do (Incendiary)

Hmmm, absolutely wonderful jennifer! I'll be surprised if anyone finds anything to criticise in that.

What do you think of the work of e e cummings :-) atb Lena

'That's nice' Sarah x

Hmmm, yes I watched this one build yesterday and wondered where it might end. ;-)

Light blue touchpaper... stand well back... get out of the way... it's the JennyRocket. BABOOM!! :-)

It's nice...to have you back on a rant. Everything seems to be OK in this one but if I notice anything wrong, I'll be sure and NOT tell you LOL. ;)

Chris XX

What I love about Abctales is that it's like Neighbours - the characters change but the storyline just keeps repeating itself over and over again.

It's probably unhelpful to point out that, if you want to avoid these kinds of exchanges in future, you can often guess who's going to want to receive certain types of criticism and who isn't.

If someone's gone beyond the age of 16 using punctuation at random - as opposed to making the occasional specific mistake - and hasn't specifically chosen to enrol on a literacy-based course, I'd generally assume that it's not something they're keen to focus on too closely.

In which case, I'd usually chose to let them get on with it.

u are the kind of person i'm talking about!!!. WHY DO U HATE YOUNG PEPLE ???

I actually don't think this kind of attitude is very common on ABC. In my experience I've found it's much more common on another writers' website whose name I won't mention. Let's just say it's dominated by a certain gentleman who is "not so well-read, yet thinks he knows best".

The only thing I can say in critique of this poem, Jennifer O teacher dear, is that you could work on your anapaestic metre. And your rhyme. I know you normally go for free verse, so structured poetry is a bit of a foreign land for you, but a consistent metre and a rhyme that works, make all the difference. Zum Beispiel:

"just tell me I’m good, I’ll go away satisfied"

would be better as

"just tell me I'm good and I'll leave satisfied".

PS chuck, I think you'll find that the correct use of the form is "Y DO U HATE YOUNG PPL ???"

Because they're young?? ;)

u still think ur betta than everyone ¬_¬

Thanks guys! hehe! I just get wound up by people who post work and then take offence at kindly meant help! But then, I assume that everybody on here wants to improve their 'art', as I do!

The line was originally as you suggest, NaziWifeBeater, but since it is 11 syllables rather than 12, it wouldn't fit into my 'scheme'. Can you suggest any other alternatives? I know my metre is shot, but at the time I was ranting and concentrating really hard on the rhymes which, as you suggest, I am rather amateurish at! Not very good at disciplined poetry!

Lennie - I do not think that I am better than everybody else, but I both want and accept criticism - people on this site have helped me to develop as a writer over several years, and if you read some of my earlier work, which is all still on the site, you will notice the improvement! I think we are all eternally learning and evolving as writers. Enough said.

J x

As I said you need 2 look and think about ur kind help, n its a bit petty tbh becuase it should have been left yesterday instead of u continuing it on today. I really hope u take my "kind advice" into consideration. Im looking out for my friend thats all, I wouldnt be a good friend if I didnt. End of ok.
Thankyou

Lennie

I posted this poem last night.

I will try to stop being helpful and just be a sycophant.

I object to your implication regarding your friend.

J x

Hi Lennie. I would like to suggest that it's perhaps time to let this one go mate as Beeme has (check his bio).

Jennifer is genuinely attempting to help where she feels she can and does not have to explain herself to any of us and you seem to be coming across pretty agressively mate.

As for "Im looking out for my friend thats all, I wouldnt be a good friend if I didnt." - as far as I can see your first comment on Beeme's work was on 6th June so that's just 7 days you have 'known' Beeme. Whilst I'm sure he appreciates, as I would do, this type of loyalty, perhaps you ought to get this into context Lennie or there is a danger that you might end up being seen as something you are not.

This is a great place to express yourself with your poetry Lennie, please take advantage of that and don't attempt to turn this into a warzone. Jennifer is well liked on the board and I'm afraid that you are jeopardising a great opportunity here.

Nobody is interested in seeing you lose face, all that we ask is that you turn your frustration into great work ;-)

All the best
Jupiter

I understand what your saying, there is a lot more to it than that but as your a mate I will stop I do like having my poems commented but I dnt like seeing people upset I apolgize for any upset or frustration I have caused however I don't apologize for supporting a friendbut anyway I'll leave it as that I just hope some will continue to read my work and thankyou Jupitar for your comment on The Man in Black.

Auf Wiedersehen

Lennie

Lennie -

Just to aid you in your expression -

your = possessive

you're = you are

if you can say the sentence with 'you are' in it and it still makes sense, then 'you're' is the one you need,

J x

Everyone will continue to read your work Lennie. I liked your Man In Black poem. The way to be heard best here is to write more good stuff like that. ;-)
Have a great evening.

Ah, I see, you're counting syllables. Going back now, I can see that the first two lines of each stanza are ten syllables long and the second two are twelve.

You say you're not good at 'disciplined' poetry, but I don't see how it's harder to write a line in iambic, or anapaestic, or very-nearly-anapaestic, metre, than it is to squeeze what you want to say into exactly ten or exactly twelve syllables. And the effect is much better when you use metre, not when you count syllables.

Oriental poetry counts syllables, but that's because their languages are mainly monosyllabic, so it comes naturally to them. English is not monosyllabic, it goes up and down, so I don't see the merit in us writing poetry that counts syllables. There are some Welsh and Irish forms that count syllables too, but that's because they have very strict and intricate patterns of interior rhymes and so on. So again, unless you're writing a cywydd llosgyrnog or something, syllable counts are meaningless and add very little. Whereas a strong metre adds a hell of a lot.

Many people seem to be scared of metre and imagine it as very difficult, but it really isn't, it just takes a bit longer to frame a line. You *can* do it, and *have* done it, for example:

"read out these words in the dark of your rooms,
weep at the keyboard; my genius looms,
and before you dare to offer me your advice,
I suggest you take care to write praise like ‘that’s nice’."

Apart from the third line, this verse is metrically perfect. And the third line could be corrected very easily. It took me two seconds to think of what you could change it to, to make it work.