The Alphabet of Brooke Shields

“You who read me - are you certain you understand my language?”

Jorge Luis Borges, the Library of Babel.

Background:

During the first half of 2007 a graffitied phrase began appearing inexplicably across parts of central London. Since then it has been found in France, the Netherlands and Germany. Initially suspected to be the unprofessional scribblings of an aspiring local band or a low level viral ad campaign, more than a year after it first appeared the origin and meaning of the words The Alphabet Of Brooke Shields has not revealed itself.

Always the same scrawl, always the same script excepting a minority of duplicates or tributes the phrase has prompted photo journalists, networking groups and bloggers to debate, discuss or simply enjoy its five words. Suggestions as to its meaning have ranged from self-publicizing artists to urban surrealists to the idea that the model-cum-actress herself is responsible, inspiring in some parties the idea of a drunken Ms Shields staggering around Soho with a bottle of bourbon in one hand and a Sharpie in the other. In lieu of any recent enlightenment on the subject, allow me, if you will, to forward my own theory.

It is my proposal the phrase is a cipher of sorts, an enigma that is the key to a coded language or script. If I may illustrate this via a brief discussion of that fine literary device, the false document, one of many wonderfully effective tools conceived by writers and other artists in bringing their work to life. It is in the interests of the author and indeed the reader to instill a strong sense of belief in such creations in order to fully immerse the latter within the former’s world. Cervantes based the Quixote upon fictitious letters, Orwell in 1984 made use of the non-existent treatises of Emmanuel Goldstein, Borges couldn’t stop creating them and Lovecraft did it in several of his stories, referencing as he did, the ‘Necronomicon’. Although generally accepted as a product of the author’s imagination there have been many attempts to create a faux-Necronomicon or to imply or suggest that copies exist in places such as the British Library in London or the Bibliotheque National de France in Paris as well as the University of Buenos Aires. Indeed, some libraries hold mock index cards requesting eager readers to enquire at the service desk if they wish to obtain a copy where they will generally be informed that the relevant tome is “unavailable” .

The actual contents of the Necronomicon have never been fully outlined although there is a broad consensus that it contains a history of beings known as the Old Ones - often thought to be ancient gods or demons - and the instructions for summoning them. The end result of anyone carrying out these instructions is generally considered to be a Very Bad Thing. The supreme deity Yog-Sothoth is often discussed in relation to the Old Ones; in Lovecraft’s story The Case of Charles Dexter Ward which also features the Necronomicon, the name of Yog-Sothoth is used to awaken lost souls, thus propagating the idea of a vitalizing powerful secret name or word. Lovecraft himself never really revealed what was within his book and believed that "if anyone were to try to write the Necronomicon, it would disappoint all those who have shuddered at cryptic references to it”. Nevertheless there is a persistent belief amongst adherents of gothic and fantasy literature and some occultists that there exists at least a kernel of truth in the possibility of such a book. It is this possibility and the related theories around the Necronomicon that could hold the key to the mysterious Alphabet.

Perhaps much of the persistent belief in the veracity of the Necronomicon has to do with the truths around which Lovecraft based his dark creation. In his stories he notes that the very real English scientist, mathematician, philosopher, alchemist, occultist, magician - amongst countless other occupations - John Dee was responsible for one of several translations and it was actually Lovecraft himself who suggested that the - again - very real institutions noted above, held copies. Regardless, it may be said that the chilling appeal of the book is more to do with what we don’t know about the contents rather than what we do. It is the words that we are ignorant of, the words that we have not yet read or said, that contain the horror.

The power of words has been expounded upon for centuries by authors more eloquent than I. Poe wrote of an achingly beautiful dialogue between the angels Oinos and Agathos on the subject. Borges discussed the writing of a god, hidden somewhere within a jaguar’s stripes and a terrifyingly awesome library that contains all possible permutations of all possible words. In the first story an incarcerated priest believes he can achieve immortality if only he can decipher the divine text. In the second it is purported that within the library one single volume must exist that describes the contents of all the others and that the reader of that book - the Librarian - is, in essence, a god.

John Dee believed, in the literal power of the written word; more specifically, the alphabet. In his view, the divine writing that was hidden within the jaguar or the impossibly infinite catalogue, was handed down by a god to the first creation and ever since then has been changed, altered and bastardized in order to ensure that no-one could ever realise - unwittingly or otherwise - the secret language of the immortals. Dee was also fascinated by codes and ciphers; the constantly evolving nature of the written alphabet can easily be seen as a perpetual cipher, ever changing, always unknowable. However, rather than granting everlasting life and unimaginable knowledge to whoever discovered it, Dee believed that the reader of the eternal alphabet would bring about the destruction of the world. In some circles it could easily be imagined that Lovecraft’s creation contains the seeds for the end times.

Perhaps then the mysterious phrase found upon the horizontal and vertical surfaces of London, Paris, Hamburg and wherever else it might turn up, is a code. As hackers and cryptographers will tell you; the simplest codes are the most elegant. All good puzzles derive their brilliance from their lack of complexity. In the words of C. Auguste Dupin “perhaps the mystery is a little too plain; a little too self-evident“. Perhaps The Alphabet of Brooke Shields is simply that. Poe’s detective not only employed analytical skills, but also fanciful leaps of imagination which allowed him to reach conclusions that few others would. My own humble attempt at ratiocination is as follows…

Perhaps it is not “The Alphabet of Brooke Shields”, but the “Alphabet of Brooke Shields”, the thirteen recognizable western characters making up the given and surname being a full collection of letters comprising a distinct and special language. Through the use of various engines engaging anagram generators it is an easily achievable goal to produce and list every possible useable and non-useable (conventionally speaking) word that can be made from the ‘Alphabet‘. Due to constraints on space it is not practical to display every single permutation of the phrase; below you will find a sample of 250 (‘identifiable’) words within the proposed dictionary or language of Brooke Shields.

Bed He Kilo Ross Loki Silk Or So Risk Oslo Solo Lo Hike Loss Shrike Shriek Relish OK Heir Hire Kosher Silo Soil Lois Hole Kiss
Hoe Irk Hero Hoe Hose Her I Ski Look She
Sir IRS Hess Roil Ike Slosh Like Ho Oh Erik Ire Elk Hoi His Shoo Leo Shirk Loose
Lore Hiss Role Lessor Hi Lose Sloe Sole Loess Less Rook Ooh Sore Eros Rose Beheld
Bleed Shook Breed Behold O’er Ore Bide Bridle Bride Hook Debris Bled Sheik Shire Shore Is Horse Rio Sire Rise Bode Bred Oil
Lise Isle Bid Heel Here Leek Keel Kessler
Reek E’er Drib Hee Hesse Sleek Else Bird
Bold Heiress Heroes Sheer Seek See Blood Dob
Eel Reel Leer Bod Brood Be‘d Be Delhi Shields Held Horde Rhode Herd Shred Shed Dire Ride Reid Led Dole Oodles Solder Sled Doe Ode Red Dress Hid Dish Hold Hood Shod
Id Kid Disk Skid Lid Solid Slid Rid Old
Drool Lord Sold Do Rood Door Rod Dross Sod
Dose Bee Hebe Rebel Dis Bessel Obese Beer Herb Die Skied Sidle Slide Desk Doo Bike Rode Obelisk Rhodes Bile Ribose Bloke Hide
Shedir Dishes Doris Brooke Broke Shield Krebs
Idol Idle Lied Isolde Ohio Lie Loeb Dose
Lobe Bole Bless Oboe Bore Ro Robe Sober
Bose Hob Dee Elder Leeds Reed Deer Seed
Dossier Hobo Seder Bohr Side Bilk Rodeo Brisk Heed Lib Boil Broil Bliss Boris Bois
Rib Sib Book Brook Lob Bolo Lobo Boo Rob Shied Orb Sob Boss

How then, do we come to the conclusion, or hypothesis, that a seemingly nonsensical piece of graffiti from the 21st century could have any relation to an apocryphal creation from the 20th century with proposed ties dating back to the 16th century and earlier? We could if we wished to, examine the links between the subject of Ms Shields and a book such as the Necronomicon; it would not take long as there are not many. Suffice to say that H.P. Lovecraft was born in the US state of Rhode Island and within the proposed dictionary we find the words Rhode and Isle. That’s pretty much it. Despite the dearth of such evidence - if indeed trivia and speculation like the above could be construed as such - there is nothing to suggest that a book such as the Necronomicon which - intentionally or not - contains the key utterances that would bring about the end of the world should be in any way traceable to its original source. Indeed it would surely make little sense for such a trail to exist if the continuation of known life is to be safeguarded. Moreover there is nothing to say that such powerful words should or would take book form. It may take the form of a jaguar in a prison cell or a single plane of sand shifting across an uncharted desert. Again, it is not difficult to understand why this would be so. Perhaps the trigger for annihilation is found in a combination of the 250 words as outlined above. Would they be unintelligible gibberish or would they form a coherent - to us mortals at least - sentence? Is the destruction of all that we know in some way related to the inclusion of the diabolical letters IRS? What, one wonders, would be the result if I typed the following sequence:

Loki Rises. He Sobs. She Is His Heires…

…or perhaps…

Hose. Shriek. Soldier. Sobe…

My fingers tremble as I type these words. As I discover I am still breathing I do not dare finish them. I do not dare speak them - I am not sure I should even think them or read them. The Alphabet of Brooke Shields will be the end of us all.