The Sky at Night

…sleep, sleep, death, the window, golden window, soft gold window, the window wasn't gold you fucking ape, the light, the light coming through it was soft and gold, so warm and soft and gold, if windows were gold we'd all be rich, money doesn't grow on trees, think what that means, bonobo, think what that means! Branches covered in rectangular leaves, tens and twenties wafting down, queen's green profile rotting to mulch, carpet of queenfaces coating the pavement, red queens in autumn, gold queens and copper queens and rust queens too, kick through drifts of fallen queens, fuck the queen, I'd fuck her right now, fuck her on the pavement, royal knees red raw on the pavement, fuck her in a car, bobbing up and down in the back of a car, neat white hairdo bobbing up and down, fuck her on the road, fuck her in a doorway, fuck her in a window, fuck her in the light, the light, that golden light…

…light's not here, nowhere near here, different universe here, concrete and tarmac and bridges and roads, traffic lights, streetlights, orange streetlights strung down the street, necklace of pearls strung down the street, arm of a galaxy, limb made of stars, fuck the stars, fuck the whole galaxy, soon be asleep, hope I don't wake, don't want to wake, under the bridge, water trickling, trickling, always trickling, then the train comes over, thundering over, then nothing, silence, only that trickling, water trickling, and my sleeping bag never quite dry, doesn't matter where I put it, under which bridge or in which crypt, in which length of jumbo plastic piping, water always seeps in, always damp when I wake up, I'll never wake up, head so clear, legs so drunk, joints full of syrup, bones made of sponge, stagger left, stagger right, cars come by, headlights sweeping by, trucks come by, whole street humming inside their weight, ever spent an entire afternoon listening to the sound of cars on a highway, waiting for the two quick bumps, first rising, second falling, of wheels going over a join in the road? You don't know what happiness is! You don't know what happiness is!

…try to explain, try to tell you what happiness is. I'll say it slow so you can understand. I don't think you're very smart. Don't think you've ever asked yourself what happiness is. You can't explain anything to anyone unless they already know it. Did you know that? I don't think you knew that. Which means you'll never fucking know it. Do you see? Do you fucking see?

…shrunk to a pinprick, star in the void, this is my happiness, this is my joy, I'm an astronaut, a cosmonaut — know what that means, cuntface, know what that means? Means I've sailed the stars, I've been the tip of Orion's prick, the horny gleam in Virgo's eye, I've swum through space so black so cold, so cold and black, sea of black fear between the stars, can't see the shore, there isn't a shore, only the darkness, only the void, send out your dove, never come back, no sprig in its mouth, nothing, never, never is nothing, never's a moment without any now, you can't understand that, can't understand, BMW parked on your drive, soft gold light through the living room window, kids on the couch, watching TV, you don't know what darkness is! You don't know what happiness is! You don't know what darkness is! Darker by day, freezing cold dawn, shakes in the morning, disintegrate all afternoon, drown in black fear, dayblack fear, then into the night, the starstudded night, into the light, so bright! so bright! I'm a poet, I farted, I'm laughing, I'm laughing! You can't understand, when the cars come by, headlights sweeping by, you can't understand, you've lived on the earth, I've lived in the stars, cars come by, think I can't see? Caught in the headlights, flat in the headlights, swivelled round by the speeding headlights, my filthy suit, my bird's nest beard, my plastic bag, think I can't see? Think I can't see my corpse turning grey in the grey morning light, under the bridge, cold grey morning under the bridge, train comes over, thundering over, then quiet, everything quiet, just the water trickling, trickling, laughing, I'm laughing! Think I can't smell the stink of my corpse? Grey stinking corpse under the bridge, a stray dog will eat my face, I know the dog who'll eat my face, I see him every day, his accordion ribs, his furry dick, under his tummy, scooped out tummy, triangle face, eyes always watching, watching, horny for food, hungry to fuck, I see him every day, I see his master too, every stray's master, every orphan's dad, every derelict's wife, that's right death, I see you too, your suntanned face, your well-filled suit, BMW parked on the drive, kids on the sofa, watching TV, I know what they saw, know why they screamed, skull at the window, perfect symmetry of a perfect skull and the perfect black of night behind it, that golden light! That golden light! Drunk as a wasp in a barrel of beer, buzzing in drunk to the soft gold light, wings all wet, how can I fly when my wings are wet? Lopsided spirals, spirals, drowning in beer, legs so drunk, head so clear, can't fly away, got to turn left, left to the bridge, veer to the right, wings all wet, almost fell over, I almost fell over! Slapstick in heaven, laughing so much, head so clear, can't stop laughing, inside the star, inside the light, I can see everything, everything is here! Totter right, legs so drunk, almost caved in, fell on my arse, have to walk left, stagger right, out in the street, what the fuck am I doing in the middle of the street? Swaying in the street, have to go left, can't stop laughing, piss myself laughing, that playground sound, that playground sound! Horn of a car as it swerves around me, all slurred out, ice-cream van outside school, tune dragged out as it drives past school, sounds so creepy, happy tune, all slowed down, all the kids running, running, mummy gave them coins, coins in their pockets, jingling coins, ice-cream coins, running to their death, all dead soon, never wake up, I'm on the pavement, made it to the pavement, cars come by, headlights sweeping by, got to walk left, not left now, got to walk forward, straight up the hill, hardly a hill, up the fucking slope then, past the sheds, the stinking sheds, under the bridge, train comes over, thundering over, then all quiet, everything quiet, just the water trickling, trickling, I'll die tonight! I'll die tonight! Can't stop laughing, can't go on, can't stand still, legs keep buckling, hands on the ground, black wet ground, face on the ground, cold wet tarmac kissing my face, why does the tarmac kiss my face, why does the… women! The women!

Thursday night dear, it's thursday night. Kids asleep? Good, we won't wake them, will we dear? Bit of rumpy-pumpy, good for the heart, rumpy-pumpy once a week, put your outfit on dear, the one I bought you, makes you look like a slut, there's a good girl, haggard old slut, no don't turn the light off, turn it down low, I prefer it that way, looks more sordid, hands and knees dear, hands and knees…

…love in the city, love in the woods, love in the morning, love all night, love through tears, sun through a cobweb strung with tears, love in brothels, love in prayers, love on my knees, down on my knees, raygun love freezing my knees, love in my nightmares, love in my dreams, love leaping like a lure on a hook, leaping and dancing like the very first time I saw the sea, love thy neighbour, love his wife, love dripping down his daughter's face, love was nothing but a pale pink cloud! This is my star, my white death star, this is my moment, burns so bright, this is my life, my whole wrecked life, benches and bridges and graveyards and parks, my whole shit galaxy crushed to a point, one burning point, can't last long, has to collapse, black hole star, suck in the light, never let go, this is my life, it's all right here, not in the future, the future's forgotten, the past is yet to come, only this moment, it isn't a moment, this is forever, blaze forever inside my star, a second in heaven for a whole life in hell, cold wet tarmac kissing my face, lips on my lips, just like the old days, tongue in my arse, I know the dog who'll eat my face, he could be my pet, I see him every day, he eats my shit when I crap behind the humming shed, danger of death it says on the door, danger of death! Danger of death! Laughing so much! Have to roll over, can't laugh right with my cheek on the ground, roll on my back, laugh at the moon, laugh at the stars, can't see the moon, only a streetlight, orange streetlight over the wall, can't see the stars, only the headlights sweeping by, only the window, one lit window across the street, right at the top, what's inside? Have to lift my head up, can't lift my head up, roll my eyes down then, feels a bit weird, flat on my back, eyes rolled down, can't see inside, just the window, one lit window, the light went out! Someone turned the light out! They did it right now, right at this moment, is this now? Is this a moment? Cold wet tarmac through my jeans, back of my jacket, can't sleep here, almost at the bridge, nice warm sleeping bag under the bridge, full of feathers, soft and warm, someone turned the light out, that time of night, lights going off across the city, stars winking out, time for bed kids, time for bed, turn off the television and run along to bed, brush your toothiepegs, don't forget to have a wee-wee, don't forget to do a poo, and wipe your bum afterwards, wipe it clean, nice and clean, and wash your hands, don't put your finger in and give it a sniff, it isn't funny, it's time for bed, don't you worry, the man's gone away, he won't come back, never come back, safe tonight, sleep in your bedroom, snug in your bedroom, turn off the light and the stars come out, they glow in the dark, five points each, stars on the wall, constellation across the ceiling, don't be silly, doesn't look like a skull, looks like a city, a twinkling city, safe tonight, man's gone away, never come back, never wake up, don't be silly, always wake up, cold tonight, clouds of breath in the sodium light, beard frozen stiff when I wake in the morning, can't sleep here, few more steps and I'm under the bridge, can't stand up, legs don't work, wings all wet, my arm, my arm did something it wasn't supposed to, spazzed out sideways like the leg of Galvani's frog, something rolling, beer can rolling out of my bag, trundling down the slope, trundle, trundle, stop fucking trundling, my only can, trundle, trundle, what will I do when I wake up? Never wake up, course I'll wake up, morning shakes, got to have my morning beer, no more trundling, rolled off the pavement, rolled on the road! Don't worry, shh, don't worry, always rolls back, cambered road, lying in the gutter, get it soon, soon as I'm up, side dented in, spume like a sperm whale when I open the tab! Don't worry, shh, don't worry, hug it all night, won't froth up, hug it in my sleeping bag, keep it warm, won't freeze through, warm in my sleeping bag, soon be asleep, never wake up, course I'll wake up, cold tonight, flat on my back, soon freeze over, puddles frozen over, can't see the stars, just that streetlight over the wall, blots out the stars, one night with my father, was it my uncle? Up in the mountains, away from the light, it was my grandad, he showed me the stars, told me the stories told by the stars, Perseus, Draco, Pisces, Leo; hunters, dragons, lovers, fish: he told me their stories, showed me their homes, and that's where I've lived, I've lived in the stars, not in the mountains, the city stars, the cumstained stars of city night, I was born beneath the sign of the pigeon, sign of the rat, sign of the dog who eats my shit will eat my face when I die on my back, not die on my back, never die on my back, few more steps and I'm home and dry, safe and sound, snug as a bug in a little red rug, Russell wouldn't eat my face, who the fuck is Russell? Russell's my dog, I see him every day, I gave him a name, he's my dog, he eats my shit, we'll go for walks, me and Russell, nice long walks, I'll throw him a stick, he'll bring it back, he'll shit on the grass, I'll scoop it up, he'll mount a bitch who'll whelp his puppies, I'll tie them in a sack, drown them in the river, he'll suck his own cock, lick his own balls, we'll go for walks, nice long walks, then we'll come home, nice warm home, soft gold light through the living room window, me and Russell, almost home, can't sleep here, cold tonight, so cold tonight…