Cadaver

Cherry

By jolono

Mon, 20 Apr 2015
  • 2921 reads
18 comments
 

Cadaver

I breathe damp stale air as I wake.

The water bottle once hot. Now ice cold.

My bedroom window is raining on the inside.

I see cloudy blue breath as I yawn.

The pot beside me welcomes pee with steam.

I need warmth. I need mum.

I creep. Tiny toes on wooden board.

I leave one cold room for another.

The TV is on, but showing only frost

with a crackling noise, like bacon frying.

She sleeps. My angel sleeps.

I climb up onto the chair. Beside her.

She’s cold. Like Mr Whippy ice cream.

Certificate 12
Poem
Poems of Life and Love
Other Fiction

Comments

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Chillingly chilling, jolono.  Atmospheric and evocative. 

Tina

 

Submitted by j.one on

Speaking for the  dead I see.

Submitted by denni1 on

Brilliant. Just brilliant

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Love the child's reference points and the contrast between cold and warm.  You set up the child's experience so simply but there is so much bubbling underneath,

Submitted by denni1 on

I knew you'd get cherried!

Submitted by jolono on

Thank you Tina.

 

Submitted by jolono on

Hi Denni. Hope you're well. Glad you liked it. Bit morbid...sorry.

 

Submitted by jolono on

Thanks for the read j.one.

 

Submitted by jolono on

Hi PS. Made me shiver just writing it...

 

Submitted by Bee on

Made me shiver - reading. Very atmospheric.

Bee

Submitted by denni1 on

It's not chilling to me. Rings a few bells, actually. Bloomin flippin wonderful ..

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Great story telling, Joe. Loved the chilly atmosphere.

Rich

 

Submitted by jolono on

Thanks Rich.

 

Submitted by VeraClark on

This is sheer hideous creepiness. Unusual and told in a deceptive voice. Missed it somehow but heartily glad I didn't read mid week when on my own!

 

Submitted by Elfstone18 on

I don't want to say they're dead, but the cold definitely seems to touch on that point. I especially liked the "raining on the inside" part. Very interesting. I'd like to know what you mean by that.

Well done.

Submitted by jolono on

Thank you Elfstone18, yes you got it, they are both dead but not realising it yet. I had a thought of them going to bed and something happening during the night that ends their lives. I was going to set it as prose but decided a poem might be better. Thanks for the read.

 

Submitted by scratch on

That's bleak.  Love the static on the telly and the bacon.  Well done.

 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Such a haunting poem Joe, could feel the atmosphere sweep through me as I read.

Jenny.