Feels like freedom tonight

Hello Kahdai, I really enjoyed this. You use the most beautiful, intricate imagery. The first stanza was my favourite ( although I loved them all) ;)

Beeme xx

Thanks Beeme, I am still drafting, so any advice would be really appreciated. K xx

Really like this Kahdai. You have used some very colourful imagery here:-

"Silver birch leaves together like coins,
as we fly past on the night sky,"

Wonderful!

And:-

'Hairs on the back of you neck,
look as though they turn to fire,'

Again, this is highly effective.

Keep going with the drafting. You have the makings of an excellent poem here.

Tina ;-)xx

Seems finished to me - there's something wild and free about the language as well as the message. I'd be careful in case it gets polished too much - very wonderful as it is.

I agree with Rob - don't change this one too much, Kahdai! I love your use of imagery and the poem's wild, carefree air is infectious! Really well done on this one ;)

Magic xxx

Well I didn't think it all quite makes sense yet, I really glad you all like it anyway! rjnewlyn, I think I do over edit sometimes, same with art, change over & over until it's too dark to see the detail & my language is always a bit wild sided. Any help what could improve it anyone? Thank-you all very much though, it was a wonderful evening ride-out to ghost tunnel & race to get back before dark. Kahdai xxx

This has a lovely energy, the only suggestion I could make is there may be too many commas, I am certainly no expert, but I think for example, the first lines of the first 3 stanzas could lose their commas as the sentance carries over into the next line, everyone does it differently of course.:~} I love the images and spontaneousness of this poem.

Thank-you very much shoe :) K xx

Here's the new version, any changes welcome. Kahdai xxx