This morning,
the whole world,
was speaking to me.
One sign,
a warning,
another wish me luck,
then who are you?
One bird, seen falling,
means ghosts are recalling,
sorrows seem to let,
their lives glide through.
So I am not the own one,
the only one to know,
every other being,
this thought to own,
my future, hanging,
in the knowledge of
that stone, a tree,
all mean something to me.
Are you really on my side?
If I try to speak out of this circle,
will any of the world hear me?
Comments
MistakenMagic | March 15, 2010 - 15:45
'this thought to own,
my future, hanging,
in the knowledge of
that stone, a tree,
all mean something to me,
are you really on my side.'
- these lines are my favourite, Kahdai! I really love all the imagery in this one.
Just one suggestion - if you lose the 'the' in the final lines it makes a little more sense, so it reads:
'will any of the world hear me?
Well done!
Magic xxx
Kahdai | March 21, 2010 - 15:27
:) Thanks Magic! I have noticed a few more little mistakes myself. Kahdai xxx
animan | March 22, 2010 - 09:21
I've read this a number of times and enjoyed it more and more. I think it displays a lot of honesty - honesty and poetry seem to kind of need each other. For me, this piece is about looking to break from conventions of all sorts and to find something other, and then, on finding it, wondering if, inevitably, there is anyone to share that new truth with - I particularly like the way that last thought is split acrtoss the final verse break - there's a lot of economy here and a lot of clever ideas that the poem is, pleasingly, quite modest and unassuming about. Great stuff.
Kahdai | March 22, 2010 - 19:31
Thank-you, you understand it better than me! I think all my poetry is honest, I am glad you appreciate that. :)