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Remember every morning (I.P.)

Posted by Kahdai on October 21, 2011 - 21:59

Darkness disguising time,
hiding the morning from me,
seems like only just lay down
carefully not to wake the one
who I remember every morning
I will get to see at night
and makes it worth it all.

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Comments

Silver Spun Sand | October 22, 2011 - 14:32

Hi there, Kahdai. This is beautiful.

Just a suggestion for the fourth and fifth lines.
Maybe, "...seems like I've only just laid down,
careful not to wake the one..."

You say so much in these seven lines, Kahdia. Quite an art;-)

Tina x

Kahdai | October 22, 2011 - 17:41

Thank you Tina, I aprecciate your suggestion and the lovely comment after :) , yet I will keep it as is because it fits the rest of the timing, do you see? K