I'm not lost,
I know exactly where I'm going,
even though
there is no road
and on no map
does this place show
so how do you know?
Nobody's been there, not
since we were there once a year ago,
except maybe a little moss
and the plants we left to grow,
I know one day we'll both go
where it never again can snow
and so do you know.
Comments
Silver Spun Sand | December 26, 2010 - 11:30
Hi there, Kahdai. I really like this.
It could be made even better perhaps with a few minor tweaks, here and there. For instance, in the first stanza, first and second lines,
'I am not lost
I know exactly where I'm going...'
And then in the second stanza, first and second lines:-
'Nobody's been there, not
since we were there one year ago...'
The imagery with the moss and plants is really effective.
Well done on this one;-)
Txx
Kahdai | December 27, 2010 - 21:13
Thanks a lot Tina, very helpful :) xx K
Kahdai | December 27, 2010 - 21:16
only for the tune, it had to be 'there na-na year ago' and theres no o sound to end with not, it does make more sense though...
Silver Spun Sand | December 28, 2010 - 12:13
This is much better now, Kahdai. Quite a little
gem;-) xT
Highhat | January 1, 2011 - 17:07
a secretive poem and a very good one Kahdai
;)Pia
Kahdai | January 3, 2011 - 19:27
Thanks Pia x