Cumming Memoirs 6

I woke in Joe’s strong arms, head wedged under his chin, the smell of sex and blood heavy on the air. The gag and restraints gone. He was gently smoothing my hair from crown to tip, over and over, while mumbling, “I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry.”

I ignored Joe, took a deep breath, and quick inventory. My shoulder throbbed, my skin was raw from the pinching and spanking, my lower abdomen felt tight and hot like right before my period, but by far the most painful body part was my asshole.

It hurt.

A lot.

Every time my heart beat, I could feel a dull thud of pain echo there, waiting for me to actually move so the real pain could begin.

Small strings of cum and blood leaked from me.

I am sure other women might jump right up and call the police or some such nonsense, but my life up to that point, did not shape me to be such a person.

Why? Well, depends on who you ask.

My mother and I were not exceptionally close. She worked two jobs (which is why I was available to the babysitter’s fingers) and kept a myriad of boyfriends after she divorced my dad. He was a blurry image on the periphery of my toddler-hood. After the divorce, we never heard from him again.

Growing up I figured having a child was my dad’s idea. My mother wasn’t interested in children and resented the fact she was stuck alone raising one.

Don’t get me wrong. She wasn’t mean, or abusive. She always made sure there was food and clothing, a nice room. It was little things, like never hugging or touching me for any reason, never saying I love you.

Other things too, like important events she was too busy to attend.

In middle school I played sports, mostly to keep from going home to an empty house. She never came to one event.

In high school, while all the other mothers were watching over their little darlings making sure testosterone laden boys weren’t man handling them, my mom warned me being too athletic was a turn off to men, bought me sexy underwear, fake nails, and put me on the pill.

Ironic since I was the only girl in my high school class not having sex.

Mom didn’t come to high school graduation, or when I won an academic scholarship to college. I didn’t expect to see her at my college graduation either.

I don’t want to appear ungrateful. I appreciated my mom. She was there for me in her own way, like when I mentioned the babysitter and touching, she set me up with, and paid for, a psychologist.

I saw Dr. Angela Vargus for almost five years before finally stopping the sessions my first year in college. My mother was not able to be a mom to me. So she paid Dr. Vargus to be a sort of professional surrogate, to guide me through the last stages of puberty until I was set up and out on my own; which is the main reason I wasn’t having sex in high school. Or with another person I mean.

I was alone in the world. At least, until I started dating in college. Most of the guys weren’t even good lovers, but they did actually touch me, and pretend to be interested.

Yadda. Yadda. Yadda.

Or maybe I stayed because Joe and I were fuck buddies with caresses, the best of both worlds in my book.

I compartmentalized my life very well. University work, box one. Apartment living and social interaction, box two. Mom, box three. Sex life, box four. Keeping them all separate, all clean, all unattached.

The only emotion I ever saw from Joe was unadulterated lust. It made me feel good to know a man could desire me so much. He was also free with his hands, which met my intense tactile needs.

As I lay in his arms that particular day, my asshole burning with pain, listening to the deep regret in his voice, I didn’t run to the police because I there were more pressing issues. Some of the walls in the fourth box started to crumble.

“I’m so sorry Kelly.” The tone of his voice was not only new to me, it pulled at something deep in my soul.

I leaned back to see if his face matched his mouth. My mom dated enough guys for me to understand sometimes the words didn’t match the eyes.

Joe was crying.

Crying!

Fat tears slid out of his shit brown eyes. His dark lashes were wet, and he looked genuinely upset.

I couldn’t speak.

Wasn’t sure I wanted too.

How did I feel about men crying?

It took me about ten seconds to realize it made me uncomfortable, unbelievably so.

“Shhhh,” I wiped the tears from his face and grimaced at the contact. Funny I could drink his sweet cum like water, but touching his tears repulsed me.

He saw the grimace and took a deep breath. “Kel, we need to talk. I mean a real heart to heart.”
“I hurt,” I felt warm sticky fluid ooze from my ass. “I might need a doctor.”

Anger, cold and sharp crossed his features. “Of course you do baby. I am so sorry, let me check you.”

He ran large hands over my soft skin, starting at my neck. I closed my eyes and let warm gentle hands make me feel safe, cherished.

He kept his thick left arm around me, but laid me flat on my back. After a few moments of light touching, lingering on already visible bruises, he removed his arm, ran both large palms down my legs to my ankles, with a kiss on each foot, bent my knees, and spread my legs.

The movement hurt and caused a gush of cum to exit my body. I sucked in a hard breath and held it.

Joe’s hands moved from my ankles, slowly up to my knees, back down the inside of my thighs. He gently spread them wide.

When the air hit my asshole I gasped.

His thick fingers spread my cheeks open gently, I moaned from the pain.

After a moment, when I was just about to tell him to stop, he stood, scooped me into his arms, and carried me into the bathroom.

He obviously liked what he saw when examining me because his cock was full and hard.

He sat on the side of the tub, me in his lap, and turned on the water. While we waited for the tub to fill, he tilted my chin up and kissed me.

I probably kissed Joe a thousand times before that kiss, but in all the ways that mattered, it was our first. It was the first time I felt emotion, other than lust, coming from him. He was slow, thorough, worshiping at my face’s alter.

Call me a sucker, but it made me weak in the knees, made me want to forgive him, chalk this all up to anger gone amuck, and stay with him.

Once the tub filled he placed me gently into it and then left to find something for the pain.

I laid my head against the rim and allowed the hot water to sooth my abused muscles.

Though I didn’t see Dr Vargus anymore, I often played out imagined conversations in my head.
Especially if I was doing something I wasn’t sure about. Sometimes I instigated the conversations, but usually she came all on her own.

Dr. V: You aren’t actually considering staying with him after this are you?

Me: No.

Dr. V: You sure? Because we wouldn’t be having this conversation if you were sure.

Me: He said he loved me. Don’t I owe him a certain amount of regard?

Dr. V: The only regard you owe him is being smart enough to get out now. Oh, and maybe call the cops when you get free and clear.

Me: What if he’s the one?

Dr. V: The one?

Me: You know, my soul mate.

Dr. V: There is no such animal. You want Joe to fill the father void in your life. Not to mention graduation is approaching and you are getting ready to be out on your own for the first time. You may be clinging to him out of fear of the future.

Me: Or maybe he’s my soul mate.

Dr. V: Not that I believe in a soul mate, but for the sake of argument let’s say he’s out there, this soul mate of yours. Would he rape you? Would he so blatantly, so readily share you with other men?

Me: I don’t know. Maybe? I mean everyone has a soul mate, they can’t all be perfect.

Dr. V: There are no soul mates. How many times have we discussed this? No man is your knight in shining armor. Especially not one who rapes and beats you.

Me: He didn’t technically beat me.

Dr. V: Your bruises say otherwise. And he did rape you.

Me: You sure?

Dr. V: What do you mean?

Me: How many rape victims orgasm? How many of them pass out from the intensity of the orgasm?

Dr. V: This all ties into your sexual dysfunction from being molested so young.

Me: Bullshit. It hurt. I didn’t think I wanted it, and yet my body proved otherwise. Joe knows me better than I know myself. How many men have you fucked who know your body better than you do? Besides, we talked about having rough sex out by the pool yesterday remember?

Dr. V: Oh please, pretending rape, using a safe word, and working out the details before the fact is what you were thinking.

Me: And?

Dr. V: You are staying with him.

Me: Probably until we get back to campus. I don’t want to get stuck in Arizona. I can’t pay for a ticket back. And I don’t want him to be mad. He’s so sweet when he’s not mad. How long have I known him? And this is the first time I made him mad.

Dr. V: You’re a lost cause. All those years of therapy and for what? You let your twat decide.

Before I could argue further, Joe came back in carrying a box of Epsom salt. He dumped it liberally into the water. The bubbles fizzed up over my skin. After a few minutes my asshole went from a constant throb to only hurting when I moved.

“Thanks,” I said. “How did you know it’d work?”

Joe rubbed a thick hand through his hair. “I asked Mark.” He laughed. “That is my just reward ya know? I was forced to ask him what might ease you, basically letting him know I was a shitty lover.”

Joe sat down beside the tub, his large hand resting on the side. “I was jealous Kelly. That’s all it was. Mark has a habit of taking things I care about.”

I started to speak but he cut me off. “I’m not saying he does it on purpose. It just seems like all my life, when something good is happening to me, Mark ends up in the mix and it all goes wrong.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I hoped he wasn’t going to start crying again.

“I figured he’d do you like the other females introduced to the group. Take you once, maybe let you blow him, then spend the night getting drunk and talking.”

I flinched at the accuracy, he ignored it.

“But when you said he wanted to come back here with you, and then you wanted me off your body, I thought, well, I thought that was it. You wanted Mark.”

I snorted. Couldn’t help it. “Are you shitting me? Mark has nothing on you Joe. No-thing. Any woman who wants to be with him instead of you must be blind or stupid.”

I didn’t even flinch when that little lie landed in the room, skittered into the corner and stank like yesterday’s tuna.

He gave me a lopsided grin. “Really?”

“Really.” I sighed as the fizzing bubbles eased my muscles. “How are you all going to share spouses when there is such jealousy?”

Joe hung his head. “I’m the only one with the jealousy issue. I have to work it out.”

“Maybe you should think about not being part of the group,” I started.

Joe’s head snapped up. “No. No. I have too. It is my birth right. I want it. We have to follow tradition. Everything must go according to plan. It’s important.”

I lifted a brow and tried to convince myself he didn’t mean everything must go according to plan tonight. “Joe, I am not up to entertaining anyone tonight. I still think I may need to go to the hospital.”

Joe stood and paced the small bathroom. “I checked you, you’re fine. I can have Mark check you if you want.”

Dr V: Crazy. Stone cold.

Me: Shut up!

“I may be fine Joe, but I hurt. I’m not really up to..”

Joe stopped and looked at me. “Oh that! Don’t worry. We can stay in this afternoon, watch movies, drink some beer, lay out by the pool, whatever you want.”

“Won’t your brothers be upset?” I didn’t really care, but it seemed bad manners not to ask.

“Why? They’ll be right here with us. That way the rules are officially fulfilled, Steve and Robert will get their night with you. It’ll just be watching movies, maybe if you feel up to it, a blow job or two.”

I felt heat flush my face. A few blow jobs? Was he serious? I looked at the sincerity on his face.

Yup.

Serious as a heart attack.

Dr. V: Told ya.

Me: Yeah, yeah.

My heart raced but the cool calculating part of my head took over.

Time to move on.

Shiloh was a local town twenty minutes west of the resort. That might give me enough time….

Despite the pain, I stretched, thrusting my breasts in the water. Joe’s eyes followed them.

“Ok sweetie. Why don’t you get dressed and have one of the motel vans take you into Shiloh. Pick up some tequila, some snacks, ”

He started to protest.

“Some porno, hard core. This hotel shit isn’t what we need. But what I really want is a new sex toy, something we can all enjoy. Surprise me.”

The protest died on his lips. I saw in that moment, he believed everything was ok. Nothing a porno and new sex toy wouldn’t fix. “I’ll soak here until you get back. Rejuvenate for tonight.”

“You sure?” He was eager, but a little hesitant.

I ran a finger between my breasts to my pussy. “Positive.”

Joe bent down and kissed my head, then my tit. “I love you Kel.”

I smiled and closed my eyes, the picture of contentment.

When I heard Joe leave I stood and gently dried off. I went into the room and pulled on my clothes.

Call me a coward, but I didn’t have any desire to placate Joe or his brothers while my ass was on fire.

I checked to make sure my plane ticket was still in the backpack, checked my wallet, and picked up the phone to call for a ride to the front desk.

“What are you doing?”

My heart pounded in my chest, I turned toward the voice. Steve and Robert stood naked in the door, beach towels slung over their wide shoulders.

The cool calm part of my brain grabbed the reigns to my mouth. “Calling for a ride. I want to go up to the hotel for a nice meal, I’m starving.”

Steve leaned thick shoulders against the door frame, arms crossed, studying my face. Robert and Steve were obviously at least half brothers with matching black hair, full lips, and noses a Greek would envy.

Robert wore his hair clipped short in back with long bangs in front. Steve wore his long all over. They reminded me of the skate boarders around campus with an easy attitude and general happiness with life.

“I can give you a ride,” Steve offered. “The golf cart is over there.” He motioned with his chin behind the cottages.

“That’s ok,” I put on my nicest expression. “I don’t want to put you out.”

“Well, we were just coming over to see if you wanted to go to the beach and grab a bite and maybe a swim. Joe is on his way into Shiloh and thought you might like the company.” Steve met my eyes and held them as if looking for something.

Robert seemed content to let him do all the talking.

“Um,” I really didn’t have anything else to say. They were each over six feet tall and muscular in only the way hard physical labor can make a man. If they wanted to keep me from leaving, they could. My mind went to the small window in the bathroom.

Steve looked at Robert. “Give us a minute.”

Robert shrugged and headed out to the pool.

“Not a big talker is he?”

Steve dismissed my comment, uncrossed his arms and blocked the light streaming in the doorway. “What’s wrong?”

Oh shit.

“Nothing,” I offered. “Why?”

Steve took a step into the room. I flinched, couldn’t help it.

He rubbed a thick hand over his unshaved face, the whiskers scratching against his palm. “Ah fuck, not again.”

“What?”

He took a deep breath; blue eyes penetrating me with an all too knowing look. He looked behind him toward the pool, then back at me lowering his voice. “Do you need a doctor?”

I opened my mouth to laugh it off, to deny his concern, but my mouth had a mind of its own. “I think so.”

My heart was beating so hard I felt sick. Shame, hot and red colored my cheeks. I was a little disturbed at the blush, the embarrassment. The man knew my body intimately, why was I blushing?

“Let me get my clothes,” he started to turn. “On second thought why don’t you come with me?”

“I’m good,” my heart almost jumped from my chest and ran away at the thought of going back to his room and his brother joining us there.

He looked at me hard, turned toward the pool and yelled to his brother. “Robert. Go to our room and get me some clothes and my wallet. I’m taking Kelly to dinner up at the hotel.”

I heard Robert mumble.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “I’ll wait for you to get dressed.” It sounded like a plea.

Steve looked at me. Of the four men, he was by far the most handsome. When his intense blue eyes focused on me, I saw determination and it made my heart beat faster.

“No you won’t,” he read me so well. “You look like a cornered rabbit seeking an escape route. If I turn my back on you, you’ll be gone.”

He was right. But I didn’t like being compared to a scared little rabbit.

Before I could come up with a reply, Robert came to the door carrying some clothes and a pair of men’s loafers in his hand. “Am I invited?”

Steve took the clothes and shook his head. “Not this time brother.”

They traded some sort of silent communication before Robert turned to look at me. His eyes weren’t blue, they looked hazel but I couldn’t tell for sure from across the room.

Steve dressed in khakis, no underwear, and a navy blue polo. “We’ll be a while.” He slipped into the loafers, shoved the wallet into his back pocket, and looked at me. “Ready?”

I only hesitated a moment. “Yeah.”

Robert handed Steve his sun glasses.

Long fast steps made pain shoot through my anus, small steps were the only way I could move without groaning. I small stepped across the room thankful the bleeding stopped.

“See ya later,” Robert dove into the pool when I stepped out of the cottage.

“The cart is this way,” Steve headed toward the back of the cottages.

We rounded the path to a row of colorful golf carts with cottage numbers on the hood.

“Each cottage has its own cart. This place is huge, makes it easier to get around.”

He was making small talk and I appreciated it. We climbed into his cottage golf cart, ours was gone, and headed toward the hotel at the front of the resort. It was a painful ride despite Steve’s obvious care to miss all dips and cracks.

Before we arrived at the main hotel Steve broke the silence. “Do you want to see the resort doctor or one in Shiloh?”

Going into town, where Joe was currently shopping wasn’t even an option. I thought about seeing the resort doctor. How was I going to explain the injury? Should I just leave and see a doctor at home in a few days if things didn’t feel better?

I was contemplating my options when we arrived. Steve parked, turned and looked at me. “What do you want to do?”

I sighed. There was no way I could make it back to campus, through airplanes and cab rides without some sort of relief, and worrying how bad it might be.

At least if I saw a doctor here, the chances of someone back home hearing about it were almost non-existent.

“Come on,” Steve helped me out of the cart. He escorted me into the lobby, requested the house physician, and we sat down to wait.

Within five minutes a gray haired older gentleman approached us. He was wearing white golf shorts and a matching white shirt. “Hi, I’m Dr Brandon. The concierge said you needed me.”

Steve stood and shook his hand. “Yes sir. I’m Steve and this is my girlfriend Kelly. We have a rather personal issue.”

The doctor smiled and shot me a friendly look. “No problem, just follow me this way.”

Steve helped me up. We followed the doctor slowly into a small room off the lobby. Three chairs faced a mahogany desk, another door stood behind it.

The doctor took a seat behind the desk and motioned us to sit. “What can I do for you?”

I perched gingerly in my chair and tried to think of a way to get rid of Steve.

He leaned forward with an earnest expression on his features. “Well, doc, my girlfriend and I were trying some new positions during intercourse. I got carried away and think I hurt her. Actually it’s obvious she’s hurt, we just need to know how bad.”

The doctor turned his professional glance to me. “Thank you mister?”

“Robinson,” Steve offered.

“Thank you. Would you excuse us please?”

Steve nodded and stood. “Sure.”

The door shut softly behind him.

I couldn’t quite meet the doctor’s too knowing eyes, so I rested my gaze on his nose. He came around the desk and sat on the edge closest to me. “Is that what happened Kelly?”

I wasn’t about to tell him my real boyfriend ass raped me until I came so hard I passed out.

Call me crazy but that just sounded, well, crazy.

“Yeah, that’s the truth.” And for good measure. “It’s all just so embarrassing.”

He leaned forward and patted my hand. “I’ll get a chaperon and have a look. Step through the door right there and remove everything from the waist down. There is a blanket on the examining table.”

I spent the next fifteen minutes being poked and prodded by the good doctor while an equally gray headed nurse, dressed in navy golf shorts and white top, chaperoned.

“Get dressed and come out to my office when you’re ready.” He snapped off latex gloves and washed his hands in the stainless steel sink.

When I went back into his office he was sitting at his desk writing.

I sat gingerly on my previous chair and waited for him to acknowledge me. He scribbled a few more lines then tore two sheets of paper off the pad and handed them to me.

I reached for them but he didn’t let them go until my gaze met his.

“No permanent damage,” he released the paper and cocked an eyebrow. “I do not recommend anal intercourse. If you are going to do it however, I do recommend patience, and plenty of lubricant. Your young man could really have damaged your rectum. As it stands, there is minor tearing and you can expect significant discomfort for several days, especially during bowel movements. You need to follow up with your OB in about a week. I am giving you a salve and pain medication, along with stool softener to make it easier to pass. You may also want to purchase a hemorrhoid pillow to sit on for a week or so.”

Dr. V: From sitting on a butterfly vibrator in class feeling sexy as hell, to sitting on a hemorrhoid pillow feeling a fool…oh how the mighty have fallen.

Me: Shut up.

“You can get these prescriptions filled in Shiloh,” he stood.

“I’m actually getting on a plane and heading home in a couple hours. I won’t have time to go to town. Can I fill them when I get home?” That was not desperation in my voice.

He nodded and walked around behind the desk. He opened a drawer, pulled out a miniature tube and several pill packets. He handed them to me. “This cream will ease some of the discomfort until you get the prescription. Just follow the instructions.”

And just like that, it was over.

When I stepped out of the office I looked for the lobby restroom. The sooner I could spread some salve on my asshole, the better I could figure out how to get an early flight out.

Steve was waiting for me when I came out of the restroom. “You ok?”

Actually the salve was working well, I only felt an ache and not an intense stabbing pain when I walked.

I shrugged.

“Where to?”

I considered lying, evading, lots of different diversions, but in the end I settled on the truth.
“I’m leaving.”

Steve didn’t even blink. “I know Kelly, that much is obvious. I guess what I want to know is what can I do for you?”

“Nothing,” it wasn’t exactly the truth. I couldn’t afford to change my ticket. Some airlines charge for changes, some don’t. It was a coach seat so I was pretty sure they might be able to get me on earlier if a plane wasn’t full. But if it was, who knew when I might get a flight out? I could very well be there when Joe arrived tomorrow for his own flight. The thought of that made me correct myself to Steve. “Unless you have some sort of magic which can get me on the first flight out of Phoenix.”

“Come on,” he placed his hand on my lower back and escorted me to the edge of the lobby where the courtesy phones were located.

I listened as he called and made a first class reservation for me on the 3:30 flight out. He charged it to his credit card.

When he hung up, we walked back to the concierge to ask for a resort van to taxi me to the airport.

We sat down in the plush cushioned chairs to wait.
“Thanks,” I offered. “I’ll pay you back.”

Steve looked offended. “No you won’t. Joe will.”

Something tickled the back of my mind. I focused until I had it. “You said not again. And you don’t exactly seem surprised. Joe’s done this before?”

Steve let out a long sigh and nodded. “Once, four years ago, to a girl he dated for a long time. He’s not a bad guy Kelly.”

“You don’t have to justify Joe’s existence to me. We’ve been together for several months and he has always, always treated me well. Things just escalated. I don’t know what happened.”

Steve gave me a lopsided look. “Mark happened.”

“Yeah, I get the impression they aren’t exactly best friends.”

Steve was pensive while looking toward the front doors. “It goes a long way back.”

I waited.

He didn’t elaborate.

“What are you going to say when he returns and I’m gone?”

Steve gave a little grunt. “Knowing Joe, he’ll half expect it. It’s probably why he sent me to your room.”

“To clean up the mess?” Disgust rose like bile in my throat.

Steve ran a hand through his hair. “Kelly, we all go back a long way. I can’t explain it. We tend to work like a team. When one of us is weak and not thinking clearly, we rely on the others to help steer things right.”

Even though I thought they were fucked up, I couldn’t help but envy the camaraderie.

“Are you going to see Joe again?”

“Uh,” I was flabbergasted not really knowing the answer myself. “What do you think?”

Steve shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know exactly what happened.”

“Did the last girl see him again?”

Steve looked at me. “Yes, she did. I mean she does.”

“Really?” Woo hoo. I wasn’t the only nut job out there. Because no matter what was coming out of my mouth, if I saw Joe before repairing the walls on the box in my head, all bets were off.

Steve watched me for several long seconds.

The van pulled up outside the doors.

I stood.

Steve walked me out to the van, helped me in, and leaned in the window. “It was nice to meet you sounds a little trite doesn’t it?”

I smiled, relieved to finally be on my way. “A little.”

“Take care,” Steve started to pull away.

I grabbed his shoulder, leaned out the window, kissed him, softly running my wet tongue along his lips until he opened for me. We spent a full minute exploring each other’s mouthes.

I pulled away. “Thank you,” I whispered.

He kissed my nose. “Take it easy beautiful.”

The van pulled away. I watched his reflection shrink until it vanished in the van’s side view mirror.