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FOR ALL HIS LIFE... (I.P.)

Posted by kheldar on July 7, 2010 - 23:14
from the ABC set THE INNER CONDITION

For all his life he'd tried his best
To make the grade, to pass each test;
To raise the bar, to win the game
To leave his mark, to etch his name;
To scale the heights, to reach the top
To never let his standards drop;
To never rest, to never shirk
Success is measured through hard work.

His parents' creed was ever tough
"Ninety-nine" just not enough,
Too quick to see what wasn't right
No praise they gave though try he might.
This creed he took unto himself
It robbed his pride, so too his health,
It mattered not if he prevailed
In his mind he e'er heard "FAILED!"

He pushed himself right to the edge
He stood upon a desolate ledge,
Convinced he had no place to go
Except into the void below.
Yet in this he failed too
One more thing he couldn't do,
In failing thus, to not give in
This failure was...his greatest win.

COPYRIGHT DM PAMMENT 8th JULY 2010

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Comments

tcook | July 8, 2010 - 15:33

Good stuff - it sin't easy to get the metre correct as well as the rhyming scheme.

Only one line jarred for me - the last one of the second stanza - I think there is one syllable too many!

Highhat | July 8, 2010 - 16:12

Tony has his eye out. I think it was fantastic. Good rythmn and rhyme. The subject was a never ending ode to the parents who just don't care. Sorry about this. Congratulations on the cherry. Well done :)

Silver Spun Sand | July 8, 2010 - 18:33

Much enjoyed, David. The others have said it all, far better than I can. A more than deserved cherry.

Tina xx

kheldar | July 8, 2010 - 19:01

Hi Tony,

Thanks so much for your kind comments and thank you just as much for the constructive criticism. To be honest that line could do with changing, I will ponder a while.

Thanks again,

David

kheldar | July 8, 2010 - 19:03

Hi Highhat. Thank you for reading and for your kind comment.

Kheldar

kheldar | July 8, 2010 - 19:05

Hi Tina,

For one thing you usually express yourself so very well and for another coming from you it sounds all the sweeter.

Thanks for reading, comenting and especially for enjoying.

David xxx

Kahdai | July 8, 2010 - 19:10

fantastic kheldar, good ip

kheldar | July 8, 2010 - 19:36

Thank you Kahdai, your comment is what I find fantastic!

MistakenMagic | July 8, 2010 - 20:09

Completely agree with what's already been said, David! Wonderful metre and rhyme! Well done on a well-deserved cherry ;)

Magic xxx

kheldar | July 8, 2010 - 21:08

Thank you Rebecca, that really means a lot.

David xxx

Cavalcaderl | July 10, 2010 - 19:51

New kheldar
Hello.David well done
(I.P) and the cherry!
I enjoyed reading all of it.
Well expressed an sad in parts
to me. Hope your feeling brighter.
keep writing.And thanks for Crocodile tears
no answer, and I read out recently well liked mine sent text, now can't do, may be in next week
big issue who knows?
julie xx

kheldar | July 10, 2010 - 19:55

Hi Julie,

Thanks to you as ever for reading, enjoying and commenting. Lets keep our fingers crossed for Crocodile Tears.

David xxx