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"SWEETIE, PLEASE DON'T FUSS" (I.P.)

Posted by kheldar on April 10, 2010 - 11:29
from the ABC set THE HUMAN CONDITION

"I' really must be going
Can't miss the final bus,"
"Be careful at the other end"
"Sweetie, please don't fuss."

I know she did not mean it
She liked it that I care,
I wish that I had held her
Stroked her auburn hair.

If we had been a couple
If our meal had been a date,
She may have let me take her home
But "if's" have come too late.

She'd had her share of lovers
I never made that list,
Perfectly platonic
We'd never even kissed.

I walked her to the bus stop
I watched her board the bus,
I smiled at what she'd said to me
"Sweetie, please don't fuss."

Seven minutes later
The driver lost control,
The impact took my dearest friend
It also took my soul.

I really must be going
Can't miss the final train,
It's due in seven minutes
It's time to end my pain.

COPYRIGHT DM PAMMENT 10th APRIL 2020

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

shoe | April 10, 2010 - 17:52

Ah, unrequited love, this is so sweet, despite the death and suicide!, and I like the sad resignation in the narrators voice.

xxx

Cavalcaderl | April 10, 2010 - 18:30

mew kheldar
Sad well done.beautifuly
done,sad.But it touches the heart.
One never knows what is round the corner do they.
julie xx

MistakenMagic | April 10, 2010 - 18:43

A beautiful telling of a very sad tale, David. Those last lines shocked me - but in a good way, it gives the poem a dark, heart-breaking edge! Well done ;)

Magic xxx

Silver Spun Sand | April 11, 2010 - 07:44

I agree with all that has been said, David. An original and skilfull take on the I.P.

Tina ;-)xx

kheldar | April 11, 2010 - 11:24

To my four favourite ladies what can I say other than tkank you: for reading, for commenting and what's more enjoying. It means so very, very much.

David xx :--)

threeleafshamrock | April 11, 2010 - 12:07

I like this, it has a nice rhythm and a good story...

Chris ;)

luigi_pagano | April 11, 2010 - 12:07

Excellent. A candidate for a cherry, methinks.

kheldar | April 11, 2010 - 13:46

Thank you chris and luigi, glad you enjoyed.

Kheldar :--)

Kahdai | April 12, 2010 - 15:02

Kheldar, this is really beautiful & sad!
This is my favourite part:
'I know she did not mean it
She liked it that I care,
I wish that I had held her
Stroked her auburn hair.'
I almost fell in love with her too
& would be on the tracks with you!
Hope you win the competition ;) !
Kahdai x

kheldar | April 12, 2010 - 15:56

Thank you so much for that Kahdai.

Kheldar :--)