Canoeing down the river in two canoes...the girls in pink shoes and the boys in pastel blue shoes.....the Brady's sang and paddled with glee!
Carol ,Marcia, Jan and Cindy were in one Canoe. Mike Ned, Greg, Peter and Bobby were in the other. Alice was in a small raft behind them.
Mike Ned Brady shouted out....."Time for a poo stop....Carol..Alice..kids...let's all head for that scruffy beach!"
Carold shouted...".PETER!" (Peter was pissing in the water)
Mike Ned said....."Not again Carol....we just did it in the port a potty back at the start camp!"
Carol whined....."not that Mike Ned.....our son is urinating in the river in front of the girls, Alice and myself."
Mike Ned......"Peter.....now I'm going to be fair with your punishment."
Alice....".Oh Mr. Brady....don't be hard on Peter...that reminds me...Sam sent along some sausage links!"
Mike Ned...."OK ladies...it is a men thing...soooo....butt the f**k out!.....Peter...urinating in the river can't be tolerated....I'm afraid you will have to stick your head in the water and apologize to the local fish population...we are Brady's and we own up to our mistakes."
Peter stuck his head in the water and yelled" I...glub...am...glub...soo...glub..rry!" Then Peter told his dad," Wow...that was neat dad..but did Greg have to hang on to my crotch?"
Greg shouted," I was keeping you from falling in!"
Peter," Oh thanks Greg, I'm sorry....if it wasn't for you...I would fall out of bed every night!
Bobby...."Yes...Greg is a great brother....he lets me pet Sockie the sheet puppet every morning!"
Mike Ned pointed to a swinging bridge and shouted....".hey Carol...Alice and kids...look at the mentally challenged, deformed, act of incest hillfolk kid on the bridge.....playing a banjo...wow!"
The family paddles their canoes to the bank and Alice was lagging behind. Mike Ned rushes into the brush to poop. Mike Ned backs out of the brush with his pants down and two hillbillies stepped out...one holding a gun on Mike Ned.
Mike Ned....."You must be the hill folk we heard about...can I interest you in my design of a tri level shack?"
Hillbilly A...."shut up boy...kick them pants on off n git down on all fours!"
Hillbilly B....."yeah.boy....we gonna teach you to squeal like a pig!"
Carol...."Oh Mike Ned....do it...do it....you said we need to learn new cultures!"
Mike Ned got down on his hands and knees as hillbilly B. smacked him in the butt and shouted, "Yee haw...we got us a live hog here..squeal boy...squeal!
Mike Ned says...."oink...oink...hey this is fun...Carol...kids...try it!"
The whole bunch took off their pants and began crawling and squealing.
Hillbilly B looked at Hillbilly A and said...."just f***in' shoot them all..they is driving me nuts!"
Alice came raging through the bushes and smacked the Hillbilly holding the gun with a frying pan....she hit him so hard that his 3 teeth landed in Marcia's cleavage. The other Hillbilly ran oft!
Marcia picked the teeth out of her bra ...held them out in her hand and said...".Groovy...I'm showing these at school...I'll be the grooviest!"
Jan whined..."Marcia...Marcia...Marcia....she always gets the teeth and stuff!"
Carol........"Now Jan....Marcia is older...prettier...smarter....and whatever..but...I am sure that someday.....Alice will kill another hillbilly and your breasts will be large enough to catch all three teeth!"
Jan hugged Carol and said,"Mom you're the grooviest...neatest...smoothest...softest...nices/ Carol cut her off by saying...."Jan...Jan...you are talking to my boob again....stop it!"
Cindy spoke up...."due to my sthpeecth impdamenth...I can'th thsay sthit about thiths sthituation!"
The family rolled the Hillbilly in the river, got in their canoes and shoved off again. They all began singing, "It's A Sunshine Day" as Alice cleaned the hairy blood off of her skillet.
About a mile down the river.....Marcia was teasing Jan with her hillbilly teeth by talking about making neato earrings out of them.
Jan screamed...."Marcia....Marcia....Bang!.....Jan fell out of the boat and into the water."
Mike Ned screamed....".head under those cliffs.....I've got dibs on Jan's rations!"
They all huddled safely under the cliff and Greg volunteered to go get the hillbilly. Greg scaled up the cliff side and snuck over the edge.
The family waited....waited and waited...no sign of Greg?
Mike Ned shouted..."Greg...are you OK up there!"
Greg stuck his head over the cliff and shouted..".Go o o...a hea a a d.....Jed...i is....gi i i iving...me e e...a a a...ri i ide....ba a a a a a a a a ack!"
Hillbilly B stuck his head over Greg's shoulder and yelled ..."tha a a a ats....ri i i i ght!"
The happy family...minus Jan paddled on down the river to the end of the trip.
A hand, slowly..hauntingly came up from the river....three bubbles popped...."Marcia...Marcia...Marcia!"
