Crandall on Marriage

Crandall and Brutus were sitting on the front porch when they heard a commotion in the house. "Yes...yes...yes...yeeeesssss!" Crandall said to Brutus,"Cool...Edwin and Rita are having sex....let's go watch!" Crandall and Brutus ran around back and straight in the cat door...only to see Rita crying and Edwin smiling. Crandall nudged Brutus and whispered,"Old Edwin must have finished already...look at Rita...just like a female...crying over spilled sperm....ha ha ha."

Brutus whispered back,"Look stupid...they don't even have their clothing off....they didn't have sex." Crandall watched Edwin put a ring on Rita's finger and said,"Why the sparkly thingy?" Brutus grinned and said,"Shit Crandall...were you born in a litter box...it's a wedding ring...they are getting married...you know...joined together to just each other...stuff like that." Crandall looked surprised and said,"Married....isn't that another word for "No more other pussy?"

Brutus grinned and said,"Yip...marital bliss...life, love and happiness!" Crandall snarled and said,"Ha...well I want to just eat, sleep and fuck!" Brutus chuckled and said,"That's because you're a cat." As Edwin and Rita were kissing and crying...Crandall said,"Fuck this....let's go!" Crandall and Brutus went back to the front porch and sat by the steps. Crandall asked Brutus,"Why would any sane male give up his pussy rights?"

Brutus thought for a moment and said,"Uhhh...I think...maybe because of love?" Crandall huffed and said,"What does love have to do with pussy?" Brutus grumbled,"Fuck...I don't know Crandall...here comes Mitsy walking across the road...ask her." Crandall shouted out to Mitsy,"Hey Mitsy....do you know anything about love and pussy?" Brutus swatted Crandall with his paw and said,"You are such a fucking....what's the words....uhhh...uhhh...belligerent fucking bonehead...yeah...that's it."

Crandall rolled his eyes and said,"Better check your balls...I think I just saw them run away and crawl up a mouses ass!" Just then...Mitsy came up on the steps and said,"Hi Brutus...Hi....Crandall." Crandall explained,"Edwin and Rita are getting married...I want to know all about that shit." Mitsy sat on the step...licked her paw and said,"Humans are sometimes monogamous." Crandall said,"What the fuck is that...can cats get it...do I need a shot?"

As Brutus rolled his eyes...Mitsy said,"No...silly...it just means that they want to spend their life together." Crandall turned his head sideways and said,"OK....soooo....Edwin and Rita will live in my house....but...the most important question is...can Edwin still get other pussy?" Mitsy chuckled and said,"No Crandall....just Rita." Crandall's eyes opened wide as he said,"You mean to tell me that Edwin will be stuck with just one....uno....single....two divided by two pussy the rest of his life?" Mitsy grinned shyly and said,"Yes."

Crandall shook his front paw...his tail went straight up as he screamed,"I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS!" Just at the end of his scream...Edwin and Rita came rushing out of the house with Rita talking about a wedding cake. They quickly walked to the car...totally ignoring Crandall and his friends. Crandall sat with an angry look on his face and shouted out,"Cake...cake...poor Edwin can never get anymore other pussy and she talks about fucking cake!"

Crandall started pacing back and forth...shaking his back right paw with each turn...saying,"Just like that French bitch...Marie Antoinette said let them eat cake to the peasants....I say fuck the cake...I will use her furniture for scratching posts...I will piss on her muffins....I will shit under the bed...I will find her cake and fuck it...viva la revolution!"

Mitsi and Brutus looked at each other...then back at Crandall. They busted out laughing as Crandall added,"Give me pussy...or give me...well....not death...or give me.......uh.....at least one for each day of the week!" Brutus and Mitsy rolled on the porch laughing. Crandall stopped...stared at them and asked,"What's so funny?" They finally quit laughing and Mitsy said,"Silly Crandall...why do you care if Edwin only has one mate....he's human." Crandall stiffened...turned away and said,"It's the principle....pussy should be free and plentiful for all."

Brutus chuckled and said,"You didn't see it that way when you were hopping all those kittens on Halloween....me and the guys got no pussy that night!" Crandall lowered his head and snarled,"E tu Brutus." Brutus walked off the porch...turned his head...smiled and said,"You can't fight love Crandall...let me know how that revolution goes....see ya!" Crandall grumbled,"Fuck off." Mitsi purred...rubbed against Crandall and said,"Come on...it's not that bad....you might like having Rita around....that's two more hands to feed you and rub your belly ya know."

She went on,"Why I bet she gives much more gentile baths than Edwin....she will be much softer to get hugs from and if they have a baby...there will be extra milk to lick from spills." Crandall looked at Mitsy as if a light bulb turned on in his head and said,"Yeah....you might have something there...Edwin can be a little rough on the nuts with that faucet.....I do like hugs...well...when..I...want one....and shit....I fucking love milk!" Mitsy said,"See...just look at the bright side."

Crandall pranced across the porch and happily said,"Thanks Mitsy...want to fuck?" Mitsy smiled and said,"OK...but let's go in the house...I hate it when your friends line up to watch." As Crandall followed her to the cat door...he said,"Shakespeare was wrong....It is better to have loved and lost...bla...bla...bla......fucking loser probably never got more than one pussy."