I love you, WRONG!

"I love you" said at the right times is never too much."I love you", said at the wrong time can translate into,"what does he or she want now?" When "I love you" is said during an argument, why dose the argument worsen and the person who said it, hears," oh right, you say you love me but you don't treat me that way, do ya?"

The words "I love you" are said too many times at the wrong times. For example; John tells Jane,"I love you" while patting her butt. Jane has PMS. Jane says to John,"oh, so you love my butt?" John, with a blank look on his face answers,"no, I meant I love you." Jane squalls back,"then you should have said," I love you Jane!" John throws his hands in the air and snarls at Jane's cat as he retreats to his throne in the bathroom.

Another fine example is Fred and Fannie. Fred says,"I love you." Fannie says, "me too." Fred has thoughts rushing in that are telling him," she can't even say it back, oh my God she wants a divorce, I just paid the car off, she is cheating, I bet it's that new hunky UPS, SOB.... this is going to kill mother!" Then Fred nervously confronts Fannie with the question,"why didn't you say I love you back?"

Fannie has thoughts bubbling up that are telling her,"God I am so sick of his insecurities, if ..."me" too.. is not good enough, then he can tattle to his mommy, Jesus jumping jelly beans, I don't have time for this crap and I bet ten million dollars that he brings up the UPS guy!" Fred and Fannie stare at each other for a moment until Fannie says, "I love you TOO!" Fred, then with a shrug replies," that's all I wanted to hear." Fannie mumbles to herself,"idiot." Fred mumbles to himself,"I know it's that UPS man, showing up in those tight shorts with that blond hairy chest, hell, he even looks good to me!"

How about that Jack and Jill? On their tenth anniversary, Jack handed Jill a pair of diamond earrings and whispered oh so romantically,"I love you." Jill looks down at the earrings and then back up at Jack while saying," oh Jack, I love you too." Jack says,"I love you times a thousand." Jill hesitates, puts her hand on her hip and snarls," it was a million when we first got married!" Poor old Jack smiles and softly says," I meant to say, a thousand times a million."

Jill snarls again while stepping back," why didn't you just say a billion then?" Jack in return grumbles," I don't know, why are you doing this?" Jill plops the earrings in her purse and scorns Jack by saying,"the least you could do is remember what you said to me ten years ago!" Jack with a puzzled look on his face said,"I love you times a million?" Jill smiled and said," that's right, and what will you say ten years from now?" Jack thought long and hard, then answered,"I love you..... but you do the math!