Warm beer, Cherry Pop Tarts and a Bloody Shotgun

AT THE MANSION:

So Jack, yes...I'll call you Jack! What did this fine specimen of the American Dream cost you a month? Speak up Jack! I don' t give a damn if you are dead....you can at least talk to your guest. Wanna drink of my piss warm beer....how about a Pop Tart.....cherry Jack! Hey, ya know it is kinda hard to eat with you hanging your eyeball out like that.

Jack, tell me what happened....I can see that they used about three rolls of duct tape.....at least they put you in that pretty blue wing back chair....I bet getting beat to death was a bummer....your hush puppy shoes are red Jack...red doesn't go well with that purple tie Jack....the guys at the office are going to f**k with you.....sure you don't want a bite of Pop Tart?

Did you vote for Democrats or Republicans?.....I didn't vote.....your taxes went up didn't they Jack.....how much square footage is here....about 2500 Jack?....nice Lexus you have in the garage....is that dead woman on the hood your wife? You shouldn't let her run around naked Jack...people might talk!

I see you called the cops.....there's two dead ones in the foyer....how many in the gang Jack...three, four.....ten? I need to know...I only have 5 shotgun shells left.....I had six but two guys came at me out by your pool....I shot ones shoulder off.....he's in the pool....sorry....the other one, I just rammed the barrel through his face....I know, I know Jack....gruesome details...blah...blah...blah! Oh yeah...is that your kid in the ice?

Hear that gunfire outside?

Don't worry Jack....it's just the rednecks....they probably found a guy like you in a suit...you know....wealthy. Well Jack...I never had a problem with folks like you....I just wanted everybody to leave me the f**k alone....guess you wanted that too....huh Jack? Damn people went mad when the black helicopters gunned down those truckers around the White House.

Ever heard of a box gun Jack....like a million rounds in 15 seconds....847 people dead Jack.....now there's thousands....looks like they broke all your windows.....I know a great window guy....he put mine in at half cost...sure you don't want a pop tart....Jack....why doesn't the vibrator work on this lazy Boy?

I have back troubles....pinched nerve....couldn't get treatment though...cost too much....I'm 48 years old Jack....you look about thirty five....were you a Dentist Jack....I just asked cause I see your teeth in your lap...I know you're not a lawyer...they burn them....is that a picture of mom and dad over the fireplace? They look wealthy too.

Jack....I gotta tell ya....you smell worse than I do...I haven't had a bath in weeks....it's the dead of winter and we both still stink....hey....I can do something that you can't do.....I can see my breath Jack! I had a girlfriend...the last time I saw her breath was .....uh...ago. She got froze....I told her not to fall asleep....she was stiff when I got back.

I brought back two whole cases of Pop Tarts and 11 beers....she loved Pop Tarts...I pried her mouth open and put one in but she wouldn't chew it...I shouted at her...."I work all day to bring home the bacon and the least you could do is eat a f***ing Pop Tart for me!" Maybe I'm wrong Jack....but I was raised that way.

Do you have a Facebook account Jack?....I have one....bet I have a lot of messages to catch up on.....my user name is ManOman....you'll have to send me a friend request Jack....I have 457 friends......most are women.....bet you don't have a Facebook account, do ya Jack? Didn't have time for it I guess...with all that busy business stuff, huh?

Yawn.....Jack I have to go now....I have a coat full of Pop Tarts and an extra beer if you want one....I'll cover up your wife on the way out for ya....does she like beer and Pop Tarts? You both should really put on some blue jeans and maybe a sweat shirt....pretend you are rednecks...you just might survive!

Take care Jack.....you should really have that eye checked...hanging down by your nose can't be a good thing......see ya!