Today I lived my life with ghosts
Both living and dead
Your face, their face
Slipped through my fingers and fell to the floor
Hundreds of pictures of you and them
Hundreds of moments and moments and moments
Too numerous and caught in that web of time
Dangled on a cobweb so thin, so fine
It could break but does not snap
And lasts and lasts
And holds and holds
All there, suspended in that instant
Before falling to the floor,
Or in the box of memories. To be kept.
So where do you reside, in the bin or the box?
Where do you live for future’s worth?
Will you be cut adrift or salvaged in those stepping stones to the past.
And yet, she still picked up those photos of you
Pained and dulled
Still confused and stabbed by what has happened over time.
She saw your face and paused. Reflected.
Mother.
Father.
She then gently collected up those separating images of you and me
And saved them in the box
One day for all to see in times to come.
She decided not to put you in the bin.
Unlike me.
She rescued her childhood.
Put down a marker in the sand
And said stop to the sea
To the waves and waves
That break over time and pain
Saved you from the blankless pile of Venice and Florence
And Christmas and beaches and Barbies and laughter
And with a simple dignity
She gave you back some worth.
Comments
ScoZen | February 6, 2012 - 20:50
Reflective little tale LP.
"...in the box of memories. To be kept..."
I believe everyone should have a box of memories.
Always nice to look back on from time to time.
laurapayne | February 6, 2012 - 23:08
I agree !
shoe | February 7, 2012 - 19:17
I'm not quite sure what's going on, but it feels incredibly painful and sad. I like it.
Yume1254 | May 22, 2012 - 18:23
I agree with shoe - lots of touching imagery and feeling, and it works for me.
Y
SundaysChild | May 22, 2012 - 23:55
Wonderful poem
laurapayne | May 23, 2012 - 10:05
thanks -thought your reading was so brave and so full of passion!
blighters rock | May 23, 2012 - 11:37
Very deep and thoughtful. This gives me hope
Thanks
lavadis | May 23, 2012 - 16:58
Very good indeed - beautiful in fact but can I just give you my views for what they are worth.
So where do you reside, in the bin or the box? I don't like this - I think there must be a better word to use than bin but perhaps it is me, it just jarred.
Where do you live for future’s worth?
Will you be cut adrift or salvaged in those stepping stones to the past.
And yet, she still picked up those photos of you
I don't know but I found the change from I to she a little confusing.
What do I know, I have just spent 12 hours in a suit in the office and then in court and I don't know what day it is....
Parson Thru | May 23, 2012 - 17:30
Just saw your forum post Laura. The eds. have given their nod. Poetry more than prose is all in the eye of the beholder and what works for one will never work for everyone. The comments above are good positive ones. I like the sentiment of the poem, but you are asking for feedback so here goes. I am worried about the change from "I" to "she" unless I have read it wrong. Also some bloody good poetry is in a very conversational style and yours is, but (for me) you could maybe take some of the "prose" out. Thin it out a little. I have read it again with some of the comments. Is the "she" your daughter? With the change you made you may need something to lead the reader into that or they may be confused as I was. It's always hard to get your soul on a page and I feel for you. Hope this feedback is useful. I am not preaching from any high ground but I understand the value of critical comment only too well. Best wishes. Kev.
scratch | May 23, 2012 - 20:36
Laura, a damn fine effort I think that the repetition (holds and holds/wave and wave) is an effective device. I like it.
laurapayne | May 23, 2012 - 22:40
Hi Parson Thru (Kev!) No preaching at all but really valuable comments. Definitely a work in progress - title change adds comprehension on one level but snatches something else away within the text that now needs attention -so many thanks...All feedback is good!
laurapayne | May 23, 2012 - 22:45
Hi Lavadis
Its Weds late!! and thanks for your valuable comments - as discussed with Parson Thru - a work in progress. You are right - the title change now snatches something away within the text that needs attention. So many thanks...PS tomorrow is Thurs!